I Relapse, kinda.

[yteek]

After having severe anxiety for some time now, which has left me pretty much un function-able in living a normal life its has only gotten worst with my pot consumption. I had general anxiety and social anxiety before mainly but marijuana added more of like obsessive thinking and paranoia like feelings and this has went over all sorts of the spectrum but I continued to learn to like marijuana even after some may call ill effect. It amplified a lot and made the situation develop much more significantly, maybe I shouldn't smoke at all and I attempted.

Then I was recently tempted, had a lot of though towards it over the year and was certainly better away from it but having obsessive thoughts and dreams about it made it harder.

I recently decided to stop maybe forever then tried it again after being away from it for over a year about.
I thought maybe I can give it another go and be alright this time.

Feel bad I relapsed, smoked....got anxiety from the weed... decided pop to benzos to combat it...also was clean off benzos for a year or so as well maybe 2 years.
repeated the next day.



I gave it the good ole Mari Gras break rationalization but even my parent are disappointed, well my dad.

 

[stardust.hero]

Hi Yteek, it sure sounds like you are beating yourself up over this. It really does suck when you get so much time under your belt and then let it fall through the cracks in one night.

I think it's a good thing though that you are so outwardly upset with the situation. It sounds to me like you are quite aware of where you stand in this realm of the drug world and what you need to do.

I hope you feel better and absolutely do not let this minor back fall ruin your days to come. Everyone steps on a crack once in a while.

 

[panic in paradise]

one can learn a lot from a "re-lapse"

or.......one can allow the layers of guilt and shame to accumulate, which is much the same as a 'comfort blanket'. those negative feelings easily then start to cause even more trouble, by doing a number on the paradox that is pride, which often reflects as self-esteem issues ~ dont worry and start tracing back over all the mistakes of the past, if those memories and feelings of the past are allowed to over-come your current now, well, the future will be of the same worry and feeling, which easily can be interpreted as a reality.



;;; what art though besides what does cease the moment do not let it cease you