dairyfiend
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Aug 28, 2017
- Messages
- 1
this is kind of a stream of counsiousness I needed to get off my chest
I've been clean from smoking meth about a week and a half, never shot up. I feel great. I discovered this site because even though I'm not craving the drug, I am feeling like quitting was too easy. I'm pretty confident that I am done though, and I feel like typing this maybe if it's just to get it off my chest. hope this is the place for such things.
Why I started smoking it: Bad break up, wanted to lose weight, it helped me write songs, loved the feeling, and I was addicted before I admitted it to myself.
summary of my experience: I was addicted for 3 years, and this is the longest I've been without it. I lost quite a bit of weight, but gained most back. I took leaps I never thought I would take, like quit my dead end job of 3 years and move back to my home town to go to college. I did pretty well in college for being a meth head, intact I was joining clubs and enjoying myself quite a bit. I had a decent full time job, and I also got with prettier girls more frequently than before. I learned the value of "corner store boner pills" and bought them almost as much as I bought meth. I moved back in with my dad who promised me that he would allow me to live there as long as I was in school. He found out about a year after I was there not because of how I was acting but because I slipped up and lost a bag in the shower of all places, and he's an old drug user so he put 2 and 2 together, went through my room and discovered my pipe. Even though I was making very good grades in college he kicked me out and I became homeless living out of my SUV. I lost my job and my SUV inevitably broke down. I ended up selling quite a bit of my music gear but never sold my essential stuff. I've always been too proud to steal or sell the more essential things in my life. After that I postponed my schooling, and became a stereotypical low life meth head with very little going for me, I did however go on some adventures and regret very little. Around this time I promised myself I would avoid staying up all night and into the next day as much as possible, and get sleep every night, brush my teeth, and stay hydrated. I used my last little bit of money to buy a small motorcycle. I Met a girl and we've been together over a year now, and I was able to get a job. She eventually she found out because I introduced her to a friend that used and we had a falling out. I have always been pretty good at keeping my addiction a secret, and always held myself to a certain standard, I had two totally different lives. Anyway, I was lucky that she was so understanding, because her last boyfriend did it but he was a loser//asshole type guy who flaunted his usage in her face, while I am someone that would feel utterly destroyed if she or anyone else for that matter was to become addicted because of me, and she knew that. Anyway, I worked 2 jobs at different times while with her, but I quit the most recent job mainly because my girlfriend got a lucky break and got 30grand from some settlement. I spent maybe 700$ of it on drugs, and I sold on the side to make back some of the money. but what I liked doing even more than that was taking advantage of tweakers who would steal shit and desperately sell valuable shit to me at a very low price, so I ended up acquiring more than what I had sold before. I knew that the gravy train would end and my GF would put and end to it. I promised myself that I would quit while I was ahead, and that's what I did. I always kept my connections to the meth world very slim. I'd operate with one or maybe 2 sellers that I was very loyal to, and that trusted me but never knew exactly where I lived, and had no friends that used that I couldn't easily remove from my life if I needed to. So I burned the bridge with my dealer. I got an 8ball fronted to me and never paid him. My plan was once he inevitably messaged me on Facebook with "F you, you Fing F," which he did faithfully, I knew the bridge was burned, and I blocked him and everyone I knew that used, and eased off of it and my last hit was about a week and a half ago, and today, maybe yesterday is the first day I would say that I feel absolutely fine.. Almost too fine.
More reasons why I quit: I hate the people I surrounded myself around, and always felt better than them, though I didn't say that outloud. Even though it did help me write songs, it didn't help me advance my music career/hobby meaningfully. I have always been a decent song writer, so It's not like I needed much help from drugs anyway. I love my gf and I owe her a lot and I don't think I can pay her back in any real way if I continue to use. I want to go back to school and I simply don't see myself living that double life successfully anymore. I'm 28, and I've always said that I will install habits for myself that I will keep for the rest of my life by the time I am 30, and I want to hold myself to that. Frankly, I'm tired of the meth lifestyle.
If something else comes to mind about my life on drugs and why i quit I will do it here.
Thanks for reading.
I've been clean from smoking meth about a week and a half, never shot up. I feel great. I discovered this site because even though I'm not craving the drug, I am feeling like quitting was too easy. I'm pretty confident that I am done though, and I feel like typing this maybe if it's just to get it off my chest. hope this is the place for such things.
Why I started smoking it: Bad break up, wanted to lose weight, it helped me write songs, loved the feeling, and I was addicted before I admitted it to myself.
summary of my experience: I was addicted for 3 years, and this is the longest I've been without it. I lost quite a bit of weight, but gained most back. I took leaps I never thought I would take, like quit my dead end job of 3 years and move back to my home town to go to college. I did pretty well in college for being a meth head, intact I was joining clubs and enjoying myself quite a bit. I had a decent full time job, and I also got with prettier girls more frequently than before. I learned the value of "corner store boner pills" and bought them almost as much as I bought meth. I moved back in with my dad who promised me that he would allow me to live there as long as I was in school. He found out about a year after I was there not because of how I was acting but because I slipped up and lost a bag in the shower of all places, and he's an old drug user so he put 2 and 2 together, went through my room and discovered my pipe. Even though I was making very good grades in college he kicked me out and I became homeless living out of my SUV. I lost my job and my SUV inevitably broke down. I ended up selling quite a bit of my music gear but never sold my essential stuff. I've always been too proud to steal or sell the more essential things in my life. After that I postponed my schooling, and became a stereotypical low life meth head with very little going for me, I did however go on some adventures and regret very little. Around this time I promised myself I would avoid staying up all night and into the next day as much as possible, and get sleep every night, brush my teeth, and stay hydrated. I used my last little bit of money to buy a small motorcycle. I Met a girl and we've been together over a year now, and I was able to get a job. She eventually she found out because I introduced her to a friend that used and we had a falling out. I have always been pretty good at keeping my addiction a secret, and always held myself to a certain standard, I had two totally different lives. Anyway, I was lucky that she was so understanding, because her last boyfriend did it but he was a loser//asshole type guy who flaunted his usage in her face, while I am someone that would feel utterly destroyed if she or anyone else for that matter was to become addicted because of me, and she knew that. Anyway, I worked 2 jobs at different times while with her, but I quit the most recent job mainly because my girlfriend got a lucky break and got 30grand from some settlement. I spent maybe 700$ of it on drugs, and I sold on the side to make back some of the money. but what I liked doing even more than that was taking advantage of tweakers who would steal shit and desperately sell valuable shit to me at a very low price, so I ended up acquiring more than what I had sold before. I knew that the gravy train would end and my GF would put and end to it. I promised myself that I would quit while I was ahead, and that's what I did. I always kept my connections to the meth world very slim. I'd operate with one or maybe 2 sellers that I was very loyal to, and that trusted me but never knew exactly where I lived, and had no friends that used that I couldn't easily remove from my life if I needed to. So I burned the bridge with my dealer. I got an 8ball fronted to me and never paid him. My plan was once he inevitably messaged me on Facebook with "F you, you Fing F," which he did faithfully, I knew the bridge was burned, and I blocked him and everyone I knew that used, and eased off of it and my last hit was about a week and a half ago, and today, maybe yesterday is the first day I would say that I feel absolutely fine.. Almost too fine.
More reasons why I quit: I hate the people I surrounded myself around, and always felt better than them, though I didn't say that outloud. Even though it did help me write songs, it didn't help me advance my music career/hobby meaningfully. I have always been a decent song writer, so It's not like I needed much help from drugs anyway. I love my gf and I owe her a lot and I don't think I can pay her back in any real way if I continue to use. I want to go back to school and I simply don't see myself living that double life successfully anymore. I'm 28, and I've always said that I will install habits for myself that I will keep for the rest of my life by the time I am 30, and I want to hold myself to that. Frankly, I'm tired of the meth lifestyle.
If something else comes to mind about my life on drugs and why i quit I will do it here.
Thanks for reading.
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