I'm not interested in the complete abuse of any drug anymore. I have been there for a long time and I appreciate the harm it can do. I am trying to get off and remain off opiates....I was way out of control. For myself abuse is taking something in larger doses than necessary to exagerate it's effects.
I will not take more than what is prescribed to me. I take back what I asked about supplimenting with additional opiates. I would not consider that. I don't even know why I wrote that....I am interested in the chemistry of the drugs I take. I read somewhere that buprinorphine leaves certain opiate receptors open. That made me curious as to what would fit with the suboxone.
I also mentioned the injection option because I was ruling that out. I have never injected any drug and never will. That is just something I wont do..I am not judging those that do use needles, that is part of their ceremony...not part of mine.
I am now in a situation where I am in recovery....a very long way from being recovered...but there is a part of me that wants to feel something more. I wanted control and I think I have found it with the program I am on. I am using the program to regain control of my habit..and eventually eliminate it altogether. I simply like the feeling that this regiment provides and am curious to see if I can use it (not abuse it) to it's fullest potential, in the end it will take me to where it is designed to take me, I will stop using completely, but in the meantime I am going to enjoy the ride.
I hope I am not coming across as indifferent to anyone's struggles or as a cocky naive jerk. I have had plenty of experience with drugs and have come through the other side relatively unscathed, but opiates really got a hold of me and changed me in every way. They used to be utility drug for me. At first pain management...was nearly killed by some bitch in Grand Prix whilst minding my own business on my motorcycle.....but I digress....I used the meds because they drove me/enabled me to enjoy the the mundane nature of my job, environmental engineering, lots of stats, lots of lab work, lots of testing, I found a little artificial passion in my pain meds lets say. I wasn't fooling myself but at the same time I had no idea the hold that they could have on someone.
Even though I researched different types of opiates I wasn't prepared for the endgame. Fast forward 12 years and I chose, again only after research and completely loosing any self control, suboxone over methadone. If you know anything about methadone then you will know that the quicker road to cleansville is by way of suboxone. So bottom line is I anticipate the day where I will be off opiates altogether but in the meantime I intend to USE what I have at my disposal to its fullest potential....which is why I seek advice.
The part of me that is curious about this is the addict in me. I know this. To keep that part of me at bay I want to feed it using the diet of maintenance meds that I am allowed to have. I think this is a way to keep myself in check. I went on the program after using for 12 years. Fair to say that the last 6 of those years I was abusing and the last year I was a full on wreckless, selfish, shameless addict.
To Dave "Think before You Post", that comment about wikipedia/Hunter.S.Thompson was only a lame joke. Certainly not meant to offend or belittle the value of this website. Quite the opposite. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas is a satirical version of a Bluelight blog. I was trying to be lighthearted and analogize my take on things.
One question though ......what are blogs for? I've never blogged or journaled before about anything. I see some people just write their days thoughts or tribulations, others post jokes or surveys/guessing games. Do blogs have categories or are they just blogs regardless of subject?
I will not take more than what is prescribed to me. I take back what I asked about supplimenting with additional opiates. I would not consider that. I don't even know why I wrote that....I am interested in the chemistry of the drugs I take. I read somewhere that buprinorphine leaves certain opiate receptors open. That made me curious as to what would fit with the suboxone.
I also mentioned the injection option because I was ruling that out. I have never injected any drug and never will. That is just something I wont do..I am not judging those that do use needles, that is part of their ceremony...not part of mine.
I am now in a situation where I am in recovery....a very long way from being recovered...but there is a part of me that wants to feel something more. I wanted control and I think I have found it with the program I am on. I am using the program to regain control of my habit..and eventually eliminate it altogether. I simply like the feeling that this regiment provides and am curious to see if I can use it (not abuse it) to it's fullest potential, in the end it will take me to where it is designed to take me, I will stop using completely, but in the meantime I am going to enjoy the ride.
I hope I am not coming across as indifferent to anyone's struggles or as a cocky naive jerk. I have had plenty of experience with drugs and have come through the other side relatively unscathed, but opiates really got a hold of me and changed me in every way. They used to be utility drug for me. At first pain management...was nearly killed by some bitch in Grand Prix whilst minding my own business on my motorcycle.....but I digress....I used the meds because they drove me/enabled me to enjoy the the mundane nature of my job, environmental engineering, lots of stats, lots of lab work, lots of testing, I found a little artificial passion in my pain meds lets say. I wasn't fooling myself but at the same time I had no idea the hold that they could have on someone.
Even though I researched different types of opiates I wasn't prepared for the endgame. Fast forward 12 years and I chose, again only after research and completely loosing any self control, suboxone over methadone. If you know anything about methadone then you will know that the quicker road to cleansville is by way of suboxone. So bottom line is I anticipate the day where I will be off opiates altogether but in the meantime I intend to USE what I have at my disposal to its fullest potential....which is why I seek advice.
The part of me that is curious about this is the addict in me. I know this. To keep that part of me at bay I want to feed it using the diet of maintenance meds that I am allowed to have. I think this is a way to keep myself in check. I went on the program after using for 12 years. Fair to say that the last 6 of those years I was abusing and the last year I was a full on wreckless, selfish, shameless addict.
To Dave "Think before You Post", that comment about wikipedia/Hunter.S.Thompson was only a lame joke. Certainly not meant to offend or belittle the value of this website. Quite the opposite. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas is a satirical version of a Bluelight blog. I was trying to be lighthearted and analogize my take on things.
One question though ......what are blogs for? I've never blogged or journaled before about anything. I see some people just write their days thoughts or tribulations, others post jokes or surveys/guessing games. Do blogs have categories or are they just blogs regardless of subject?