Mental Health I need to be Heavily sedated at all times...

[ChemicallyEnhanced]

Will this ever change?
I've had a lot of trauma in my life. Basically I was raped on my 13th birthday and also bullied at school while being mentally abused by my parents at home. Ensue severe depression and daily panic attacks. I later became homeless due to an alcohol and heroin addiction. Being homeless is bad enough but I was also gangraped, twice, while on the streets. I finally got an apartment with my only true close friend and we decided to cold turkey alcohol together. On the second morning I woke up and he was dead on the floor; apparently he's had a seizure on his way to the bathroom and just never came out of it.

Because of this, if I am even half-way sober I get severely anxious and so panicky I can't stand it. Thoughts of all these bad things dominate my mind and I keep having intense flashbacks. I just cannot stand it

So I take Xanax, Diazepam, Pregabalin, Trazodone, Sertraline, Chlorpromazine, Quetiapine, Phenobarbital and Zopiclone every day and live in a perpetual dozey haze.

Will this always be the case or is there some way I can get better or get over it?

 

[ac360]

I haven't been through nearly as much trauma, but I have been on meds since I was 13 due to crippling anxiety that kept me from performing in school, driving, or working. I take Xanax, Lamictal, Lexapro, Wellbutrin, and Vyvanse (for add- somehow helps w/anxiety). I'm constantly sedated as well and it's the only way I function. I've cycled through remeron, zoloft (sertraline), prozac, abilify, trazodone, gabapentin, hydroxyzine, buspar, seroquel (quetiapine) and that's not including the other ADHD meds. I'm 18 and my doctors over time have moved from a as little medication as possible approach to let's do whatever it takes to get this kid functional and out of constant misery. If you're not in therapy, you need to be, and over the months and years you can work through it. If you're willing to do whatever it takes you could do ECT and/or go to residential treatment for a few months. I'm pretty convinced that I will need to be on medication for the rest of my life because I'm only functional when I have it, primarily due to anxiety. You should talk to your psychiatrist about possible changes if you feel you're too sedated because there are so many meds out there and ECT, ketamine infusions, residential treatment, intensive outpatient etc etc. My mother is a LCSW and I was working in a therapy office for a very long time and there were plenty of clients who told me therapy had changed their lives dramatically over the months and years. Honestly, you'll probably have to be on at least an SSRI for plenty of years down the road but I can see how you'd want to cut down on all those sedatives. I'll also add that if you need medication to get by there's no need to feel shame because you're doing what's best for you, regardless of the opinions of people who don't understand.

 

[ChemicallyEnhanced]

I'm actually in the process of getting therapy, my first appointment is next week. TBH I was gonna make an excuse and not go, but your post has inspired me to definitely go

I WISH I could go inpatient, but it isn't available under the NHS here so I'd have to pay to go private which costs the equivalent of $5000 per week and you'd need a minimum of 12 weeks and I just don't have $60,000 lying around.

Thanks. I think I'll always be on an SSRI and a benzo but I'd like to be in a place where I'm comfortable weaning off the other stuff.

 

[sonicwhite]

I was gang raped by three men. They gave mean a cup of red wine and a 1 mg klonopin.


I think the wine was spiked w something cuz I came out of it three days later.

I was raped by two guards. Physically and mentally abused by my dad.


Violently beat up in jail while going thru a traumatic psychosis.


I deal with it every day, the only thing I take is gabapentin zyprexa and infernal and Prilosec.


I have no doctor. I have nightmares every night. I go thru flashbacks where I think I’m already in heaven or and Hods Judgement.


It’s getting old.

 

[ac360]

I was gang raped by three men. They gave mean a cup of red wine and a 1 mg klonopin.


I think the wine was spiked w something cuz I came out of it three days later.

I was raped by two guards. Physically and mentally abused by my dad.


Violently beat up in jail while going thru a traumatic psychosis.


I deal with it every day, the only thing I take is gabapentin zyprexa and infernal and Prilosec.


I have no doctor. I have nightmares every night. I go thru flashbacks where I think I’m already in heaven or and Hods Judgement.


It’s getting old.

I can't imagine the pain that you're going through... is it just that you can't afford a doctor or you're choosing not to see one? I'm sure you would be prescribed stronger and/or more meds so you could get some relief. Again, I can't even fathom the trauma you've been through but I know me and my buddy who started this thread are rooting for you.

 

[sonicwhite]

Well, with me I tell the docs my drug history cuz I just feel it’s the right thing to do and I have the hardest time lying.

I was planning to move to Virginia but seeing how bad of shape I’m in I’m prolly going to stay until I get better.

In 2010 I had the most compassionate doctor, I could tell him anything and he would prescribe what I told him works.


He died in 2015 and I blame myself. Cuz at first I was honest and I was good. But when I started to get on gabapentin I was abusing it.

I lied to him to get it. The last time I saw him he said Daniel I’m just trying to make it easier on you, he died the day before my last appointment.

 

[AlphaMethylPhenyl]

That's, terrible. My heart goes out to you.❤

That downer cocktail is very dangerous, just for the sake of saying. You've built a tolerance, I just don't want people to think it's safe messing around with benzos, barbs, and gabapentinoids.

I can imagine that such a combination would cause a haze, even to the tolerant. And it sounds to me, but I could be wrong, that the haze is pretty unpleasant.

Talk with your doc about possibly lowering medication, if it's time. If they agree that it's a good idea, ask them what med can be reduced. Then, go from there.

You should end up taking all and only what you need.

Once you have a stable living situation, and a good working situation with your therapist, you will more likely find that medications can be trimmed down, or even taken off of, to your benefit. Good Luck!