I need some advice, again

[Lawrence Arms]

Hey everyone, i know i've posted here a few times asking for help, so some of you may know me, but maybe not. So quick back-story, i've been drinking every day for about eight or nine years, minus some jail time, and taking morphine every day for probably about five and a half. I know the combination is a terrible idea, and it was really stupid. I've been to rehab four times for my three DUI's (I know, stupidest thing out of all of this), and we used the same work-book every time. So as of today, i am 27 days clean from morphine. This is mainly due to my boss being extremely kind and understanding, and giving me 15 days off after the five days off i took the first time to try and quit (which did not work out).

During those 15 days off, being the genius that i am, i drank through the withdrawal, and slept maybe three or four hours a night, despite trying to drink myself to sleep every night. This cause my alcoholism to skyrocket, and i now drink maybe six, 40oz bottles of malt liquor a day, plus some extra beers. Now i am back at work, and this is a larger problem. I work in the food business, and i drink maybe a 40 before work, and usually a 16oz pbr or two during work. I am extremely malnurished, due to the morphine withdrawal and not being able to really eat much, so it was easier to ingest my carbs through alcohol.

Also, i cannot afford to go to treatment again right now, as i'm barely making it by with the 15 days i had off. Other than that, how do i cut down? I need advice, guys. I feel like i'm an empty shell of who i used to be, and just put on a fake face when i'm at work, and with my girlfriend (i should add that i'm 27, and we live together). I'm an atheist, and really don't like the AA or NA vibe, and honestly don't think that will help me. My biggest question, i suppose, is how do i wean down from drinking six 40s of mickeys, and like three 16oz pbrs a day? I weigh like 155 if that matters. Please someone tell me how to do this, i can't do it anymore..

 

[ice2x01]

Perhaps try looking into naltrexone. You take a pill before you start drinking and it reduces your craving for another beer or more alcohol.

 

[Lawrence Arms]

But the withdrawal is what I'm worried about.

 

[Lawrence Arms]

Bump, pls, anyone? Cutting down methods? A formula to cut down? Anything?

 

[Cliffy78]

Shit man your post reminds me how was with the booze before the alcohol destroyed my pancreas. What made me quit was intractable pain brought about from the pancreatitis. Maybe try to ween down a bit. Drinking before work is brutal dude, I feel for u man, I know the misery you talk about all to well. The boozed masked the shit outta it like it does for u. MAybe see a dr and see if they have any medical detox ideas. I was in the hospital for like a week when I stopped drinking and they were dosing me with all kinda opiates so I kinda traded drugs if u know what I mean? But when I got out I was no worse for wear. Psychologically fried but physically ok I guess. Ain't nothing but to do it I guess.

 

[herbavore]

You don't have to believe anything--certainly not a god--to get something out of AA. What you can get--if you can leave your own baggage at the door--is the support of people with all different beliefs that are trying to do the same thing you are. I , too, wish there were alternatives to that group support and someday there will be but for now you have online support (Bluelight, SMART Recovery, Craigslist groups Meet-up groups, etc.) and you have round the clock AA meetings in most urban areas. I say use everything there is. Why deny yourself the benefits and possibilities (you might meet someone in AA that thinks just like you) for support just because of some tired old interpretations of the basic concepts that have morphed into dogma.

You are using really discouraging language about yourself. Your decisions have not been stupid, they just have been habitual. If you are accustomed to treating your discomfort and pain with alcohol, which may have served you well at the very beginning of that habit, then it stands to reason you would be sorely tempted to go back to it. Strengthening your rational mind over the addicted thinking is a process and it doesn't happen over night. It makes sense to feel remorse and even anger at yourself but be careful of the put-down language--it just feeds the beast!

As far as how to do the withdrawal I have no expertise on that. I will say this--your life is worth more than your current job and even if you lose everything and come out with your life--that's a win you can't argue with. People start over all the time. But you can't start over if you are broken and defeated by addiction. Take care of that as your first priority. And I don't just mean the alcohol--recovery is dealing with what made you use in the first place and what keeps you using. Unfortunately using itself becomes something that compounds the original problems so it can be a confusing mess at first. But most of us know that it is at rock bottom some kind of discomfort with ourselves. Explore that. You can't just treat the surface even though for right now that has to be your first line of attack.

edit: here is a link to more alternatives to AA: http://alcohol.addictionblog.org/5-alternatives-to-aa-12-step-meetings/