I miss my pills

[Pagey]

Hey,
So I was addicted to benzos for a few months; about three weeks ago I tried to commit suicide by taking a lot of pills + alcohol, which was sort of a wake-up call so I went to see my doctor and told him I had a problem and that I needed help to get off the pills. I am now clean (since then pretty much), but the thing is I really, really miss them and the feeling they gave me. I read pretty much everywhere that once you're off drugs, you're always happy you did it and you have no regrets etc., you realize how much better off you are without them and all. I do realize that when I was taking them I did a lot of weird stuff that was really unlike me, messed up a lot of things and got behind on pretty much every aspect of my life, and now everything's starting to get better, but I still wish I had them. For instance, last night I went out with a few friends and got drunk, which I always used to like before (obviously), but yesterday all I could think about was how it was nothing compared to how the benzos made me feel, and how that was the only feeling worth getting and nothing could live up to it anymore. I know benzos aren't usually considered the best drug to get high and all, but being depressed they made everything seem so much nicer and unimportant and I'd feel so calm and relaxed...they'd let me just drift through life without caring as much or something. So anyway, my question is, to all you recovering addicts out there - is it normal to really miss your drug once you've stopped? How did you cope with it, and does that feeling fade away quickly or is it just something that never really leaves and you just have to learn to deal with?

 

[Urgez]

im not off my pills quite yet, but i was sober for a few month. i think that once you've experienced a sensation so overwhelmingly personal, intimate and blissful you likely will NEVER forget it, but that's not to say you cant achieve that same level of happiness the natural way.

 

[Crankinit]

I read pretty much everywhere that once you're off drugs, you're always happy you did it and you have no regrets etc., you realize how much better off you are without them and all.

I'm not sure where you read that, but they're full of shit.

Yes, it's absolutely normal to keep missing drugs, it's something that will come and go for a long time.

 

[ethnobot781]

Yes it is normal & like the others say these feelings will recur to a greater or lesser extent for quite some time.
I feel that it's worth saying though that they'll come back less and milder the more good stuff you have in your life that doesn't remind you of pills. So if there's something new you really want to try or something you used to love that benzos made you too apathetic to care about then go for it. It will give you the best chance of fighting those feelings off.

Peace, ethnobot

 

[Captain.Heroin]

It is normal to miss the feelings it gave you.

I am glad to hear you survived by the way.

 

[VanWeyden]

Yap, those stories with someone quitting drugs and immediately entering a candy-wonderland are utter bullshit. You will rather feel worse for some time bcause you have to cope with your life without drugs now. Never beat yourself up for feeling bad or craving, that is perfectly normal and no sign of weakness. To be brave means to conquer fear, not to never experience it, if you understand what I mean. I also strongly suggest to get some psychological help and maybe go to NA or sth. Kicking a habit completely alone is near to impossible. Best luck!

 

[Pagey]

Thanks a lot everyone, it's helpful to know my feelings are normal I checked out the NA meetings in my neighborhood and I'm planning on going to one saturday evening. I guess it's also a good idea that I lay off alcohol/weed (which I both used recreationally) for a while, so I'll try to do that. Thanks again