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I just said no to heroin..

dishearten

dishearten

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 9, 2010
Messages
115
Location
Singing from a gaping wound.
so...
i guess i should tell you what happened before i get to saying no. (possibly graphic)
about two or three weeks ago i found a new dope dealer. he liked me. he even thought he was in love with me. i guess thats the ugly truth of being "pretty", you can get whatever you want. and i did. for a whole week or so i cut off my family, my pets, my apartment, my boyfriend, anything and everything that meant something to me. i suppose we both used eachother. i used him for his connections, and he used me for my car. eventually not even my boyfriend could find me because this guy moved the day before because of a drug raid so he was pretty much on the run and infested with hiv (something i wasnt aware of) but i was so high i couldnt remember when everything was done with if i grabbed one of his rigs or not. eventually, i realized this guy was crazy and kept me in his basement and took my keys and phone and told all my friends to basically fuck off. i was compleately shocked. i had no idea what to do and being a drug addict i had to just get high to ignore this situation. i literitally felt trapped. and it seemed like i didnt care! but when i look back i think what the fuck was i thinking?
(he)roin made me stay.
he made me not care weither i could have died or not because this guy did infact have firearms and im only 100 lbs and hes like a beast compared to me.
i couldnt handle this stranger telling me he loved me, telling me i couldnt have friends or my boyfriend. what the fuck was that..
finally, luckily, his aunt caught me shooting up and she had no idea any of this was going on and she kicked me out.
i sat there in the middle of the street at 4am crying my eyes out having no idea where my keys were.
i got ahold of myself and took about 10 or so xanax and blacked out on the highway going the wrong way towards traffic.
luckily other drivers directed me to the right lane and i didnt kill myself.
so basically that was that.
i got home, cried some more, fed my animals, and i assume i passed out sometime.
i barely remember most shit but, i remember everything i said.
i soon after found out he had some kind of hiv and strangled women, which i guess im lucky since he just was verbally crazy to me.
i found the courage to tell him how fucking insane he was and i had to get tested bc of him and luckily im fine but nowonder he was so cautious about his needles.
i also remember he shot up with my blue gatoraide. i was like wtf are you doing dude.... he was out of his mind.

so i didnt look for dope after that one. still not off of needles and thats how that absess came to be but i would choose that any day over what happened to me. this girl ive been "friends" with asked me just acouple hours ago to take her down and ask people on the west side for dope, and i would get a bag out of it. and i flat out said no, do it yourself i really cant. without thinking twice.
it was really kool, and i had to share. :)
although im not free from needles, cutting dope out of my daily regimine is a huge step. or so i feel.

<3
 
well its ask about taking it one step at a time, and that was a big one :)... with enough practice maybe you can get rid of the rest, all it takes is time, and being able to predict and understand your thought process.
 
That's some some craziest shit, the guy sounds like a freak. I read somewhere on BL that it's important to get tested aound 6 months because it can take that long for it to show up. Hopefully you won't have to ever experiene another bad situation because of H. It could be a turning point for you.Maybe something good will come from it, like saying no to your friend. At least you won't be at risk for getting busted with her.

When you start putting other people in danger,(driving on 10 xanax) it's time to check yourself, ya know. Your right, your lucky you didn't kill yourself, and even luckier you didn't kill someone else. It would truly suck to wake up from a benzo bender and find out your going to spend the next twenty years in prison. Be careful with the xanax, it's the number one blackout drug.
 
sid3 said:
That's some some craziest shit, the guy sounds like a freak. I read somewhere on BL that it's important to get tested aound 6 months because it can take that long for it to show up. Hopefully you won't have to ever experiene another bad situation because of H. It could be a turning point for you.Maybe something good will come from it, like saying no to your friend. At least you won't be at risk for getting busted with her.

When you start putting other people in danger,(driving on 10 xanax) it's time to check yourself, ya know. Your right, your lucky you didn't kill yourself, and even luckier you didn't kill someone else. It would truly suck to wake up from a benzo bender and find out your going to spend the next twenty years in prison. Be careful with the xanax, it's the number one blackout drug.
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thank you, youre absolutely right.. it was stupid of me to do that with the xanax.. i was just so overwhelmed and i do stupid things when im overwhelmed and not thinking right..
 
Right, it might take up to 6 months for HIV to reach detectable status. No trying to scare you but you will need to get tested again in 5-6 months since you just met the guy a couple of weeks ago. You are probably fine, but not in the clear yet.

I am glad you decided to get the monkey off your back. It might not be easy, but it will definitely be worth it. It never makes things better. Your life will always improve if you get H out of your life.

Good luck with everything. I hope that was the last time you used. Keep being strong. If you feel like it maybe try going to NA. It helps some people stay sober. If you are having trouble staying clean, rehab is always a good option. It has helped me tremendously. Since I got back I have had absolutely no desire to use and it's been the longest I have been clean. It gave me my life back and put me on the right track.

It is important to keep improving your life and yourself. There is a reason why you got into dope. that reason is not gone just because you stopped using and that reason might cause you to relapse. Once you are clean for a little while, the novelty of being clean will be gone and your old habits will come to surface. You might get PAWS and get depressed which might cause you to relapse. Try finding a therapist if you can to work on the reasons why you started using in the first place.

Sometimes people wrongly assume that if they stop using drugs their lives will automatically become great. Everything seems so shitty when we are addicted that it might seem that way. But once we are sober for a while we start getting tired of our lives again just like we did before we started using. We need to start liking sober life, not just living day to day. It's important to like your life as a sober person by doing pleasurable and enjoyable activities, by having a job and having a stable life. Only then we can keep ourselves safe from relapsing. If we are sober but we hate our lives we are probably not going to stay sober for long because one day we decide "fuck this sober life, it's shitty anyways" and anything seems better than this shitty sober life, we forget how shitty life as an addict was and start glorifying our days as an addict.

We need to work on ourselves in order to prevent this from happening.

And please take care of yourself and stay away from people like this guy. They will cause nothing but problems in your life. He could have easily killed you or something. Also protect yourself from disease. Always carry your own clean needles. Never reuse needles, especially in the company of someone else.
 
being able to stay away from dope is really really impressive! the only reason I haven't done it these past weeks is because i've been relocated to a place where I cant get any; if I was still in my college town I would be giving in everyday. you have great willpower and should be very proud. going through what you recently have must have been pretty hard
 
Wow dishearten that is such a scary experience!! That guy sounds completely insane 8o
I am SO glad you got out of that situation, and even better than that, it's caused you to stay off dope. That is so awesome hun. Good on you for having the strength to say no to your friend today, you should be really proud of yourself :)
Stay strong! <3
 
Thats a great first step, quitting shit like that is hard, I used almost everything you can name and was very suicidal, but Ive been sober for almost 3 months now and I feel great, Good luck ^.^
 
Devin2493 said:
Thats a great first step, quitting shit like that is hard, I used almost everything you can name and was very suicidal, but Ive been sober for almost 3 months now and I feel great, Good luck ^.^
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thank you,
quitting dope is one thing, and a very good thing.. but im still not needle free-- thats gonna be a tough fn road to face when i find the courage.
but i suppose its a step.
3 months clean is something to be very very proud of. best of luck to you too, and keep up doin what youre doin. <3
 
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