I hate recovery

[Mizotlangval]

Last night my girlfriend accused me of being high We were at a friend's place and i told my gf that i stayed up all night working (making video.lessons) .I might have been looking drowsy .IDK
And she always warn me that she'll break up with me if I get high again(which i can understand).But i have had enough of her assumptions and accusations of me talking to other girls too.(I do not) .I know she wants the best for me but we don't live together and do not know my daily routines.Have anyone experience a similar problem like this? .And how do you deal with it?.My Father also often accused me of being high too when i was already 4 months sober.I know they care but it can be very hurtful and sometimes I even want to prove them right out of anger.I hate this..Im a musician and i work very hard .I barely sleep night whether I'm working or not.I only pop some klopin (0.5mg) when i don't get a good sleep for 2 nights in a row,but it just make me drowsy the morning after.
Guys..id really appreciate your input .

RECOVERY is hard

 

[nznity]

U don't hate recovery, what you are experiencing is lost confidence of a loved one(s) by ur addiction. It takes a while for that to sort it out, months(sometimes up to a year). Bare in mind that after being an addict for quite a while, no one Is gonna trust u cause everyone is heartbroken. regardless, Just keep working on it. Takes a bit but the hard work on your recovery will pay off.

 

[crazyhairman]

It sucked for 6 months really bad. 4 of those months I just stayed home and lived on savings. My family saw me at my absolute worse withdrawal in my life, that movie trainspotting was a good reference. So that was extremely embarrassing in of itself.

The recovery was fucking hell man your not wrong. And that's also why I give mad props to everyone I hear talking about still working during early sobriety. Your certainly stronger than I was. I fucking hated everything, everything made me mad. Or hopeless , after a few more weeks I got functional. Got a job , started saving money.

Few more months I was a year clean , had a new job that treated me very well. It just got a little better each month. I became I little more calm. At the two year mark I felt basically normal, for the first time in a decade I felt happy without drugs. I'm at 7 years clean . You just keep going. And not for your girl, or dad, but for you man . It's your fight, block everything else out. You are in the home stretch.

Because it's a hard fight but I'm telling you it's worth it.

 

[Senior Moderator]

Recovery is really fucking hard. You need good support from people who know what it's like (this forum is a perfect source of such support so I hope you stick around). But you also need support from people in real life. What about your friends and family, do you feel like you can talk to them about what you're going through? Your girlfriend's and your father's concern comes from a place of love, and fear for your safety. They may not express their feelings in the most productive ways, but their ultimatums and accusations of you being high show that they really care about your welfare and wellbeing because they dearly want you to stay clean.
Have you thought about going to any meetings or group therapy or anything like that? Or even a drug counsellor? So you can talk to someone who knows what you're going through and won't judge you. I know that meetings aren't for everyone (I've tried them many times, and they just aren't for me, personally) but many people find a lot of solace and comfort there, and a lot of people swear by going to meetings. Might be worth just trying one?