I hate it when I think about how I won't exist.

[herbavore]

I would just like to contribute something that my son said in one of our many conversations about what may or may not happen after death. He said this at 19. He died about a month later.

"Before you are matter you are energy.This time spent being matter is only a blip. When matter dies, it gives off energy so it only ceases to exist as matter and continues to exist as energy." I had this printed up at his memorial along with something he had said that was remarkably similar at three years of age. I am pretty sure we know more than we allow ourselves to know.

I think the mystery of all this can be frightening or comforting depending on your outlook. It has always been a comfort to me to know that I am part of a bigger picture that I do not understand. Each of us is a mind, a body, a spirit. We know exactly what happens to the body from conception through decomposition. We have to learn to live with the uncertainty of what happens to that which is not physical. Perhaps it has been the excruciating experience of losing my son that has removed the very last vestige of fear I have of dying myself. Paradoxically this has led me to an even greater appreciation of my own short time here.

I hope that you can find comfort within your mind. Make your time here a time of connection. connect with others, with animals, with the wild places still left. connect with passion and sensuality. The more you connect with everything that is very temporary, the more you feel the timelessness of existence IMO.

 

[xHippiexchildx]

This is an interesting topic. I recently discovered some amazing shit in terms of "whats next, whats after this pathetic existence". Do yourself a favor and Google "near death experiences" goto the first site and read the stories. It will blow your mind. After reading about what these people experienced, people of utterly different faiths beliefs etc. Its given me hope.

Key words, NEAR death experience. Guess what happens? DMT is released in the brain during a near death experience. If you are dead, you don't even know you are dead.

 

[xHippiexchildx]

The dead won't exist until they are resurrected. Not all hope is lost. Death is temporary.

 

[ugly]

I have these thoughts pretty often. You didn't exist for thousands of years.. but you didn't know anything until you were born. It happens that quick. Time doesn't exist for the dead.

I'm writing a book about time travel... maybe time really doesn't exist for the dead and they can move around in time.

I want to be able to move around in time SO FKN BAD I have to write about. I look around all the time and think "Wonder what this actually looked like it the year, 2?"

When I used to get panic attacks I was always afraid I was dying. Do you know if you get panic attacks?

 

[Libby]

Why would you want your name to be "ugly"?
*pats you on the head* ....

 

[Material541]

I would recommend against seeking treatment as some have suggested. This is quite a common fear for many of us. In fact, you could make the argument that these types of feelings are what 'drove' early humans to 'invent' religion -- as a way of coping with the unavoidable, intensely despairing fact that one day you and everyone you love will die.

There is this excellent book I am reading entitled "Being With Dying" by Joan Halifax. It is a very useful book for those who have a loved one nearing death, are afraid of their own death, or just wish to understand and make peace with it (so, everyone on this earth). I have always been very disturbed by every aspect of death, and this book is such an enlightening read. The author is a prominent Buddhist practitioner (well she is more than that, but I can't think of a better word right now) so it is a rather spiritual (but not religious) book. It has turned me onto a more spiritual side of myself, one that has had benefits in all aspects of my life. I highly recommend dealing with this problem directly rather than seeking treatment, at this point at least. SSRIs may make you feel better, but they certainly won't make you understand these inherent human issues.

 

[ugly]

Why would you want your name to be "ugly"?
*pats you on the head* ....

totally off topic: possible infraction



But I'm on the outside
And I'm looking in
I can see through you
See your true colors
'Cause inside you're ugly
You're ugly like me
I can see through you
See to the real you

 

[Serotonin101]

totally off topic: possible infraction



But I'm on the outside
And I'm looking in
I can see through you
See your true colors
'Cause inside you're ugly
You're ugly like me
I can see through you
See to the real you

Staind right? Good song. And herbavore, I'm sorry for your loss. I can only imagine the impact you felt.

 

[blahman8000]

Alan Ball created a TV show called Six Feet Under the puts death in an interesting perspective and kinda forces the viewer to confront it in a variety of ways. It's probably my favorite show of all time. Might be worth checking out.

 

[crOOk]

I hear you, brother.

 

[silentcowboy]

It is unfortunate that when we take this "everything is pointless" attitude, it works to kill the joys from the good things and the good times, but it does not seem to numb any of the bad stuff. Good isn't good anymore, bad is still just as bad.

It's probably best for you to get out of your own head. Sounds impossible, but if you stay as busy as possible then you won't have as much time to sit around and ponder the ultimate fate of everything. Regardless of whether it ultimately means anything, it's going to seem like it means something if I were to place you in a lion's pit, but it's also going to seem like it means something if I send you skydiving or put you in bed with your crush. So you need to stop thinking about things and start doing more stuff. It will automatically feel more real.

Are you using a lot of opiates? I get this way when I go too hard with them.

Perfectly said is all aspects. I also get like that after opiate use, IME kratom has been a lifesaver, it doesnt leave me feeling shitty while om off of them and keeps my mood stable. Kratom wont be felt if you have any tolerance for opiates, but after a few weeks of only kratom use i have a feeling you'll enjoy the effects. Even if your daily dose does not give you a buzz (after a few weeks) you can experiment with higher doses (on occasion) and to me feel like a low hydro or perk dose but more stimulating, clean, and natural.

 

[Libby]

Infraction? Sorry, I was just a bit drunk lol. Oh I like that song!

totally off topic: possible infraction



But I'm on the outside
And I'm looking in
I can see through you
See your true colors
'Cause inside you're ugly
You're ugly like me
I can see through you
See to the real you

 

[JasNod]

Herbavore, I don't have any kids so I couldn't even imagine how horrible that must have been, but I'm sorry for your loss. I by really sad just thinking about how my family members will die even though they aren't yet. Your son sounds like a smart one.
Ugly, yea I get panic attacks :/. Thanks for all the comments and suggestions everyone. It was just getting to me that particular night. And yea, I do opiates and opioids. I'll check that book out material541. Does it ever bother you guys that you can't ever know how things are outside of your perception and you can't ever show anyone your experiences? You're just stuck in your head you know? Existence is very strange...