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I feel so alone

K

KAYLA2010

Bluelighter
Joined
May 26, 2010
Messages
2,312
Location
Texas
I just can't take it any more. I'm so alone I'm tired of all the fighting and trying ton defend. Y self and my family and being accused of being a bad person. I alreadynfeeel like a failure for becoming a drug addict and ruining my chance into medical school and im tired of hearing about how i am a failure....

I'm tired of my drug addict mother In law makingup lies about my family and telling everyone all see things about us..


I'm just done. I have tried to repair relationships with everyone and she loves the drama and loves everyone to feel sorry for her self so she lies and makes up hateful things and makes people thi k we are so horrible...

I feel so lonely in cut off all friends to dedicate to family but even tho Ihelping as much as I can it's never enough for her....we are still thendevil and shenis still the helpless women."
 
Sorry to hear about your situation. Seems like you are being pushed around by everyone. That hurts like shit, especially when you tried to be good and improve your relationships. But you don't have to buy into that stuff. A person doesn't become an addict for fun, there are reasons causing addiction, and you are manning up to improve your life. Maybe you did wrong choices in the past but now you are working to repair whats broken. You shouldn't be looked down on for this but realize what a great achievement that is.
I've got the impression that your family is quite toxic for you at the moment. Is there any chance to take a break from them? I think that would be healthy.
If you want you can always pm me. I'm a bit lonely lately because of other reasons, so maybe we could socialise a bit.

Don't lose heart!
 
What makes you think that you ruined your chance of getting into medical school? I ask because I do know A LOT about these things, from my own personal experience in the profession. Feel free to drop me a PM if you feel more comfortable.

Recovering addicts improve their relationships with people slowly through their behaviour. And when recovering addicts experience conflict with those around them, that is when they benefit the most from participating in a 12 Step fellowship. I say it all the time because it's true: addicts recover by helping other addicts, by sharing their experience, strength, and hope with one another, and by seeing that a sober life IS possible. People who have not experienced addiction can sympathize, but it's not the same as really living through it. Therefore, if you are not in NA or AA, I would strongly encourage you to be so. You need a safe place to share your experience where you don't have to fear retaliation from a manipulative "relative" who's going to use it against you at a later time when you're vulnerable. You need a sober network, people you can call when you want to use, because it doesn't sound like you have one now.
 
You may not be able to get into medical school now, but that doesn't mean that you never will, if that's your goal. Unless you were kicked out for academic fraud, there are ways to get back into school. I was booted out at one point, and while it took a few years of work I was able to get back in, and am now a professional chemist. There's no reason that you couldn't do the same, once other things in life have been sorted out. When the time is right, you'll know.

As far as the family stuff, that's harder. It sounds like you really need some space from your family, but it also sounds like that may not be feasible at the moment -- if I'm reading between the lines correctly, that is. Regardless, it sounds like you're being caught up in other people's drama, which can be hard to escape. You say that you've cut off your friends to focus on family; why was that necessary?
 
I personally know physicians who have struggled with chemical dependency and have had their careers interrupted, only to return to their calling stronger once sober. But they don't do it on their own.
 
Thank you so much all so much for the advice. It means the world to me to know someone out there is listening to me.

I will explain more later. Answer the questions that were asked so you all can help me better and have a better understanding.
I am having trouble sleeping and i am going tontry and go to bed now but tomorrow I am also going to pm the more personal side of things that I would like to share with some one. Thank you again.
 
KAYLA2010 said:
Thank you so much all so much for the advice. It means the world to me to know someone out there is listening to me.

I will explain more later. Answer the questions that were asked so you all can help me better and have a better understanding.
I am having trouble sleeping and i am going tontry and go to bed now but tomorrow I am also going to pm the more personal side of things that I would like to share with some one. Thank you again.
Click to expand...
We are all in the same boat. We're all looking out of our own eyes. We all understand, being in a similar situation, although perhaps some have seen that situation clearly and some haven't. Please share, people are listening! It is not all "self vs. other". Some do listen, very much listen. Peace...
 
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