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I feel like killing myself

M

Mathew Lheureux

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 25, 2015
Messages
50
Location
Sault Ste Marie
Hey folks my names Mathew and recently ive just been thinking about commiting suicide... my only guy I used to pick up weed from just died at 27 years old.... gods doing.... anyways I was hospitalized recently and I got out on a CTO forum (if you don't know what it is please just google it) so now I might have to take drug tests every week and I have to take medicine or else I end up back in the hospital... what should I do guys
 
I'm really unclear about what you're asking ??

If you're having to pass weekly drugs tests then the answer would be to not take any drugs that you're not supposed to, if you looking for information on how to 'work around' such tests we specifically do not allow such discussion on BlueLight.

Your say you are thinking of killing yourself but from those few words it's not easy to respond, are you having these thoughts often ?? are they taking shape in terms of a specific scanario.

Suicidal ideation can be a very unpleasant and disturbing thing, it can consume you're thoughts whilst rendering you unable to properly face up to the underlying reasons that are making you feel that way.

If you feel in real danger of taking steps to harm yourself you must seek help outside of an internet forum, check out the links in the first post of the suicide thread :--
Suicide and crisis support links
 
I know how it feels to want to take your life n be in a dark place so I feel for you. Luckily I had some good friends whio got me through this. I would recommend looking at the link Alein has given you. In the UK we have a helpline called Samaritans n you may have something similar in your location.

As Allein has said none of us can advise you how to get around drug tests as its against the BLUA, Bluelight's rules. We can give you support if you want to talk through your issues.

Evey
 
Perhaps trying to understand what is happening to you--why your life is not in your own hands but the hands of others would be a first step. What happens to make that so? (mania? threats against others?). Healing is possible but if your only goal for living is to be able to take drugs, that doesn't sound promising. It is hard to trust when you are in the mental health system but you can find someone usually, even there. Try to do that and then concentrate on trying to heal what is broken.
 
I hate to say this but the best way to gain your freedom is through compliance. If you pass the drug tests for a couple months and appear stable they will probably let you be on your way.
 
Feeling so hopeless and out of control that you want to end it all is not fun. I can see where you are coming from, when people take your freedom when you are already spiraling out of control it feels like there is only one thing you have control over. Idk why you are in that situation but I have to agree with crimsonjunk, comply and you may be free sooner than you thought depending on what you did.
 
I've attempted suicide and I'm so glad that I lived. Some of the shit that pushed me to that brink was doing drugs--perhaps drugs added to the situation you're in, too? Maybe it's not bad to take a break from it, not like they won't be there later. The psychiatrists I've encountered in and out of hospitals have had good intentions, and do want to help you get your life back together.

In the end, this whole experience will hopefully help get you to a better place than you are right now.
 
Stick with it.

Whenever I feel like killing myself, I think "well if I'm gonna die what else can I do with myself?"

The answer: food, video games, sleeping, napping, eating, cooking, sleeping etc

I mean fuck it right? they can take away our drugs but they can never take away our food and video games.
 
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