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i feel guilty for taking drugs nowdays cos i feel i didnt 'earn' the pleasure

H

Harambulus

Greenlighter
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Jul 23, 2009
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i must have become a really good worker bee now because i only allow myself to feel good when i toil for 10 hours plus a day at my job or when i have sex- only if i earned it ofc, no prossies.

it feels like cheating now to allow myself any pleasure which i havent toiled to get with my own sweat and tears.

my superego seems really rampant these days and the id is a whipped little bitch.

even so i think about taking drugs nearly every day but feel shapr pangs of guilt about it like a naughty schoolboy so all is not well within the mind as the desire hasnt diminished its just dsigruntlingly leashed.

so is it 'wrong' to take pleasure in something you didnt earn? Im not talking morally but more than from a practical perspective like if you unchained your brain from the stuff it evolved to do like eating and shagging then everything goes to shit doesnt it? and the more you ween yourself on these cheat pleasures is the more you condition yourself not to do the everyday things thus atrophying your motivation?

discuss.
 
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Harambulus said:
i must have become a really good worker bee now because i only allow myself to feel good when i toil for 10 hours plus a day at my job or when i have sex- only if i earned it ofc, no prossies.

it feels like cheating now to allow myself any pleasure which i havent toiled to get with my own sweat and tears.

my superego seems really rampant these days and the id is a whipped little bitch.

even so i think about taking drugs nearly every day but feel shapr pangs of guilt about it like a naughty schoolboy so all is not well within the mind as the desire hasnt diminished its just dsigruntlingly leashed.

so is it 'wrong' to take pleasure in something you didnt earn? Im not talking morally but more than from a practical perspective like if you unchained your brain from the stuff it evolved to do like eating and shagging then everything goes to shit doesnt it? and the more you ween yourself on these cheat pleasures is the more you condition yourself not to do the everyday things thus atrophying your motivation?

discuss.
Click to expand...

For me, guilt is a pretty useless emotion/feeling, albeit present for me. In your case I'd say it's a good guilt (sounds weird) to have if it will motivate you to carry on working hard for things. So yes it is wrong to take pleasure in things you haven't earned you bastard !
 
i kind ok know what you mean. i used to look forward to friday evening about 7pm after having a busy 5 days. it was always something to look forward to which made it much more exciting and anticipating it even more. i think this made my experiences better too.
 
well i work my own business so theres really no time off for me 7 days a week baby.

but on the other hand i find it pretty satisfying (when its working out, when its not it can be soul crushing!).

even with drugs i think if its isnt enhacing my ego somehow then im just wasting my time. like say eating a cake vs eating something wholegrain just feels like pissing in the wind.
 
Agree. Who paid for the drugs? You, I guess. If you didn't pay for them then you stole them. Then you don't deserve them. If you stole the money to pay for them, then you don't deserve them. But you work hard, you obviously earn your pay. So you spend it on what you choose. How is that not earning them?

However, you seem to be saying that the pleasure from drugs is contrived. You use the word 'cheat'. That's not the same as stealing, but I can understand your discomfort about this. Hell, I feel like an idiot for some of my consumption. It just all feels a bit wrong sometimes. Still, if you're paying for them out of your own pocket, you are earning them.
 
I also feel guilty, however that's because deep inside, I don't really want to take drugs. i want to be happy without them and each time I do take them, I make that goal harder to reach. If I was just doing it for fun, I would see no more guilt from it than I do from enjoying eating fat food and being lazy. You seem to suffer the same problem. It really makes them not worth doing most of the time, that's not to say I'm any better at following this advice than you.
 
Toz said:
I also feel guilty, however that's because deep inside, I don't really want to take drugs. i want to be happy without them and each time I do take them, I make that goal harder to reach. If I was just doing it for fun, I would see no more guilt from it than I do from enjoying eating fat food and being lazy. You seem to suffer the same problem. It really makes them not worth doing most of the time, that's not to say I'm any better at following this advice than you.
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yes pretty much the same liens as me.

what i like to tell myself is that i know it isnt ideal and im gonna keep working towards the day when the desire diminishes totally and im totally fulfilled by 'real world things' but in the meantime no use torturing myself over it.

like maybe if you know junkfood is bad for you but you are starving for a meal youll eat it while you continue a search for more healthy meals as it gives you some energy back to continue your jouirney.

so, for myself at least, rather than wallow in empty hedonism, i think its important to still have that larger picture in mind.

same with my diet. i eat healthy food like 99% of the time but now and then i just eat one junkfood meal every few weeks maybe. i still dont feel 100% good about it but the desire was still there.

Ive also been on the otehr side of the fence for 8 months being t total and it has been a great exercise of my willpower but it also made me really bitter and resentful like life is so boring. not saying it always has to be like that but it has been my expericne such that i began to really resent being sober and just yearned for some sort of release or respite form the grind.

maybe it could been seen like taking medication for a wounded soul in that you dont intend to take medication forever but it helps you get by while you strengthen yourself up using other methods.

the jury is still out on this one as they say :D
 
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no, it's not wrong. Would you be better off using drugs as a reward for something good you did? certainly, but it's good to have a cheat day once in a while to treat yourself. There are any number of things that give you pleasure without earning it yourself. Eating good food, listening to music, jacking off(lulz) there are so many things that don't require much effort and give pleasure in other ways.

When you rely only on drugs for pleasure is when it becomes a problem and a cause for concern.
 
^I agree with doIhavePotential

Also, you paid cash for them, didn't you?
 
doIhavePotential said:
no, it's not wrong. Would you be better off using drugs as a reward for something good you did? certainly, but it's good to have a cheat day once in a while to treat yourself. There are any number of things that give you pleasure without earning it yourself. Eating good food, listening to music, jacking off(lulz) there are so many things that don't require much effort and give pleasure in other ways.

When you rely only on drugs for pleasure is when it becomes a problem and a cause for concern.
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Good points well made old bean. Only when one depends on jacking off for pleasure is one able to enjoy life! Just kidding - it's all relevant.
 
The only time I actually felt guilt after using a drug was a few weeks ago when i was trying to clean up for a drug test but ended up using close to the test date after being clean for several days. The guilt, talk about a total buzzkill.
 
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