I feel bad about myself...?

[the_doctor46]

Hey, I've got some kind of a psychological issue here, so I don't know if this is the right section in which to post, but I think it's what comes closer to it.

So, here's the deal. I come from a good family; we've been lucky and my mother got a very well rewarded job. We've been living in two countries in Europe and now I am into another country (UK) for uni. I've been living in 3 countries in 20 years. I had very good school grades without being too much of an antisocial. We economically are what you can call an "above average" family. But I do not care about it, I am not into that fairy tale bubble in which some "rich" kids are into. I care about others, I want to help other people, I do not care how much money my friends have or don't have etc.
My parents pay for my food and rent while I am at uni. And here comes the problem. It's some months that I use part of that money to buy some RCs and stuff, without going on to too heavy drugs which I don't have the courage to try as I am too scared I might get addicted to them.
My parents are very restrictive when it comes to alcohol and drugs in general. Very restrictive. So I do that behind their back, obviously. As long as I have it under control and not spend too much money on it (in which I put some of my own in any case), I don't have major issues with that, but I feel bad about myself because I know that my parents trust me more than anything, and I feel like I am sort of betraying them. And I also would have never imagined some years ago to take this path I am thinking of undertaking.
This RC use has been caused by my difficulty in finding true friends and willing to do something during my day, and being a curious person I started getting in touch with this stuff.

I don't really know what to do.. does anyone have any thoughts about this? I'm not even too sure of what I want to ask you, it's just that I am really confused, and it seems to me that I am becoming someone I do not like.

 

[psychedelixxx]

If your parents are that strict about it it's not exactly something you can come out and be honest about if you'd like to continue doing it. if you aren't spending so much on them that you have difficulty affording the things they give you the money for, i don't see a problem with it. you're smart to not test the waters of heavy drugs and addiction especially with that kind of budget. but if this is bothering you so much to where you're constantly stressed and losing sleep over it maybe try using some of your money for it instead. Gooood luck!

 

[intensecycle]

My advice is
1. Use RCs rarely and on special occasions, so you don't feel it is a habit, but a small special secret you want to keep to yourself (and you can, because every person is entitled to privacy)
2. Earn your own money. If you do this, you become grown-up and can justify spending money whatever you want, not constantly thinking what parents think (at least it will be easier)

And never touch opiates/crack/meth or IV, obviously, this is the way to fuck up everything in your life, including relationship with parents.

Well, and obvious advice: TRY TO GET A HOBBY. Friends and things to do will follow, and RCs will be of less importance

 

[Znegative]

There is nothing wrong with occasional drug use, especially if it's of the empathenogen, psychedelic or even stimulant class. However, you should be aware that certain RC's turned out to be as addictive or more than illicit street drugs or pharmaceuticals (such as MDPV, which is like "Crack XR"-if that even makes sense..)

Anyway, I'm going to move this over to the Dark Side.. The lovely mods and BL's will be able to help more in that forum

And yeah, I closet my use to btw..

 

[THECATINTHEHAT]

The fact that you have different opinions on certain issues and are choosing to find your own path based on those opinions does not mean you are betraying them. If your parents were very liberal regarding drugs and you were very conservative would you feel the same? I doubt it.

As long as you apply yourself to your studies (which is what your parents are paying for), and do well at that I'm sure they will be happy in the long run. We all make mistakes, if you really feel that you have made one and wish to make amends for it then pay them back when you are able to (even if that's years away). Don't beat yourself up about it, what's done is done.

 

[badfish45]

The best you can do for them is just abstain from hard drugs and hard RCs as well. It's good that you put your own money into it when you can but there isn't anyway that you can really be honest about this. Maybe you should try to look for your own job and use that to support your drug use, because if it's weighing down on your conscience this much then I don't think it's right for you to spend their money on drugs.

 

[shimazu]

Its not something to feel good about, but you are far from the first person to use money given to them for college (or uni as you call it) and spend it on drugs. Most people go for alcohol, you went for RCs. If you really feel that guilty about it, as others have said, try earning some cash on your own. Its a good feeling knowing that you earned the money, and can spend it on whatever you want.

 

[herbavore]

I am a parent and it was hard for my husband and I to come up with money for our son to live on while he went to university. We knew that he would no doubt spend some of it on weed and alcohol because we knew that he both smoked and drank. We told him that we were sacrificing a lot to send him off to live on his own and that we were doing it for one reason: so that he could get an education that would hopefully give him more choices in his adult life. He managed to buy and cook his own meals very frugally, get great grades and, by his own account, still smoke and drink. We would have been concerned had he not been leading his life well, keeping up with school, eating well, etc. In a way, I think that year taught him about balancing everything from his money to his time to his strategies for juggling partying with responsibility. After that year, our circumstances changed and we are no longer able to help him financially. He is now completely paying his own way and I think of that first year as a kind of soft-landing training for the great skills he has now. It sounds like you are in the process of learning to balance these skills, too. As long as your priorities are getting the most out of your education and making progress towards becoming a self-supporting adult then I see no problem with what you are spending your money on. Having said that, I will add my cautionary advice about taking anything because you are lonely or bored or uncomfortable in a new situation. All of those situations are best handled drug-free. Learning how to do this will benefit you for the rest of your life.