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I feel alone in this thought about drug addiction. Am I?

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Dr_Gerber_s

Greenlighter
Joined
Mar 13, 2012
Messages
26
Background: Ive been diagnosed with depression at 17 I am 20 now, Ive cut back my drug use considerably but I still smoke weed or drink every night. Ever since I started using I have idealized the lifestyle of a heroin addict. I love the idea of waking up and needing one thing for the day, to score more. I know I probably do not understand fully how hard that life must be but for me just regular life is too much and makes me wish I no longer had to deal with it. I guess I glamorize the lifestyle but i dont understand why other then the simplicity of knowing what you want and not have to be stuck with the thought of "what now" like Ive had for as long as I can remember.
 
ummmmm..............its rough. not cool. get another hobby aside from glamorizing and idealizing heroin addiction
 
Hi Dr Gerber, firstly welcome to Bluelight :)

I'm glad you've come across this forum because there are a lot of heroin addicts and ex-addicts on here who will be able to tell you their stories. I'm pretty sure that after hearing from some of those addicts you will (hopefully) have changed your mind about addiction!! I can understand that from the outside it might seem like a glamorous way to live, but really, it is not. A lot of addicts feel trapped and helpless, and a lot of them suffer with crippling depression, anxiety, and other mental health issues. The thing is, even if you decided to dabble with heroin just to see what the drug is like and to see what the life of an addict is like, by the time you're addicted it's already too late. Sure, regular life can be hard, but the life of an addict is much MUCH harder.

Do you currently see anyone about your depression? How are you managing it?
 
you can have that same attitude for more productive things FYI. Like waking up and just needing to make money, or waking up and just needing to fuck a girl. Those arent the best two examples but its not a lifestyle to idolize dude
 
i don't know, fucking girls seems a pretty good, well defined aim (honing your skills and not rape, obv)!
 
Dr_Gerber_s said:
Ever since I started using I have idealized the lifestyle of a heroin addict. I love the idea of waking up and needing one thing for the day, to score more. I know I probably do not understand fully how hard that life must be but for me just regular life is too much and makes me wish I no longer had to deal with it.
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What is it specifically that makes you drawn to it? I can tell you that it is not anything like you might imagine, it is infinitely much worse than anyone can describe.
 
I can connect to your thoughts quite a bit. Have you asked yourself the question why specifically heroin addiction is the lifestyle you chose to glorify? In most cases, glorification isn't the original cause to identify with a certain thing, but more like a magic cap you put on your primal motives because you aren't able to deal with them directly.
 
I can relate to this. When I first started using heroin, the idea that I had one worry and one worry only was almost comforting. It distracted me from all of the existential angst, from girl problems, from my inferiority-complex, from worrying about how others saw me, and so on. I had a directed concern, and though a big one, it was not unlike a 'fear of the known is better than fear of the unknown' situation.

I agree with Missykins, though, in that it's infinitely worse than any of us can describe. It will make you beg, wish, and cry for your previous life and its troubles and complications. But then it will be too late and you'll forever have to live with about ten times as much psychological pain once you do manage to quit.
 
I am a heroin addict so maybe I can offer some insight.

Insight one: Heroin is too expensive. It's not worth spending your money on heroin. It's a total waste of money. This is why I want to get off heroin so bad.

Insight two: It is true in a sense that being a heroin addict gives your life a point of focus. Howevre, after you've been an addict for a while it gets old. Your life stagnates. It's just not that grreat after a while.
 
^^burn out nailed it..heroin simply gets to be a very expensive habit..one that hardly any working class joe can afford..you might have money now but just wait until you develop a habit, that money starts to disappear, dopesickness sets in, you run out of money and you are fucked..thats when heroin becomes a nightmare..
 
Anesthetics are very potent.

One should be very carefull one engaging in a drug fueled lifestyle as it can lead to risk taking behavior.

If at a mature age you still can't make a concrete decision on the direction of your lifestyle then a serious revamping of your ideology is in order.

Perhaps you feel you are of superior eminence than others which can cause incongruence with thoughts and actions. This incongruence can lead to ill contentment, unhappiness, and lasting fatigue.

Review your ideology... use heroin if you must but as long as your infecteous inner debate persists your lonliness, solitude, and desire for ubiquity will continue.
 
Heroin isn't going to make you happy.

It just causes acute withdrawal, PAWS, long term problems with drug addiction... etc.
 
Try cutting it for a week tell us what happens. Did you have depreshions before you started taking drugs?
 
Drugs are just for fun, you HAVE to learn self-control to be able to have fun with them.

You can't WANT to get addicted to smack, geez. You think it's like in Trainspotting? Shit!

If you do go ahead with your idea, there will come a time when you'll be hitting your head against a wall and asking yourself why in god's name you didn't listen to the people on bluelight who told you it was a retarded idea...

If you're depressed now, imagine how you will be when you are a dope-fiend.

I used to be like that "To wake up and have one goal: to score more" (although not with something as bad as heroin)... and at the end of the day, when I somehow got the money for my stuff and got back home and got high, lucidity kicked in and I was almost always depressed just thinking over and over "WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING??? I'm fucking retarded, why can't I just quit for fucks sake.". And eventually I did, but not after wasting precious time of my life and lots of money and losing the trust my loved ones had for me... I'm working on making things better now.

I wish I never went through that, but I'm grateful I'm over that childish behavior.
 
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belfort said:
you might have money now but just wait until you develop a habit, that money starts to disappear, dopesickness sets in, you run out of money and you are fucked..thats when heroin becomes a nightmare..
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I agree with this. It's easy for us to judge the actions of extreme drug addicts as things we would never do. Sell our bodies, steal and pawn a parent's wedding ring, smuggle drugs for profit, walk into a convenient store with a weapon, apply for a credit card knowing we intend to max it out for drug money, etc. But the people who have done and are doing these things are no different than us. It's easy to think that they were born with less moral strength or that they get a rush from these questionable activities, but it's not like that. Nobody wants to do any of that awful stuff for drug money, but they do because they see it as the lesser of two evils when put against heroin withdrawal. To the OP, that should give you an idea just how bad true heroin withdrawal is.

Heroin does not give a shit about how much money you have. It will take everything you have and then milk you for everything you can get until you end up dead or in jail.

Sounds like a fun lifestyle, right? :\
 
This was around when i was in High School 26 years ago!..





Well honey, before you start fooling with me, just let me inform you of how it will be.

For I will seduce you and make you my slave, I've sent men much stronger than you to their graves. You think you could never become a disgrace, and end up addicted to Poppyseed waste.

So you'll start inhaling me one afternoon, You'll take me into your arms very soon. And once I've entered deep down in your veins, The craving will nearly drive you insane.

You'll swindle your mother and just for a buck You'll turn into something vile and corrupt. You'll mug and you'll steal for my narcotic charm, and feel contentment when I'm in your arms.

The day, when you realize the monster you've grown, you'll solemnly swear to leave me alone.

If you think you've got that mystical knack, then sweetie, just try getting me off your back.

The vomit, the cramps, your gut tied in knots The jangling nerves screaming for one more shot. The hot chills and cold sweats, withdrawl pains, can only be saved by my little white grains.

There's no other way, and there's no need to look, for deep down inside you know you are hooked.

You'll desperately run to the pushers and then, you'll welcome me back to your arms once again.

And you will return (just as I foretold)! I know that you'll give me your body and soul.

You'll give up your morals, your conscience, your heart
And you will be mine until,
"Death Do Us Part"
 
The main reason I feel drawn to it is that i simply like the idea of needing the same thing everyday. I also understand that I probably have no idea how hard it really can be but I still think about it, especially when I'm down. I also feel like maybe in that situation I wouldn't have the time or energy to think about women and the like. I have used Heroin once and oxy/hydro plenty of times and I just love the disconnection I get. I guess that's everyone though :/
 
RedLeader said:
a 'fear of the known is better than fear of the unknown' situation.
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That is what I was trying to say in a way.
About seeing a therapist, about a month ago I was put on Remeron by my GP and 2 days ago I went back in and for god knows what reason he prescribed me valium. In 2 days I went from 30 to 8 and I just dont get why I am so prown to the physical act of taking things making me think Ill feel A-OK when I know thats not how it works.
 
But the disconnecting feeling is FALSE...Its not a true feeling...Its only felt because of a drug...Ive been an addict on and off for many years...At the height of my addiction i needed to find near $800 a day to get high...The feelings i got/had when i was high, were delusional.....Not real...While you are using they "appear" to be real, when you quit, you see how fucked up you really were, and you just didnt notice.....The drug will be a Band AId mate...In the long run its NOT going to make you better..IMHO..You need to find something else to need daily...

Mite sound stupid but animals show unconditional love...If i hadnt had my puppy a year ago when my life hit rock bottom, if that little puppy wasnt there to need me, I am really not sure ifn i could have made it......
 
Its funny I have read these responses in other threads but it didn't really hit me that its MY life I'm talking about just because Im feeling crappy right now doesn't mean that this is bottom in any way. I hope I will never hit rock bottom because I now believe how bad it really is. I wouldn't trust someone on tv telling me not to do drugs or even my parents but you bluelighters are the real deal you know what you're talking about and probably have more stories then Ill ever hope to have.

One last thing. I smoke weed pretty much everyday but i do not use it like I would use pills I use it when I want to relax or when I need to think about a situation in a different light. So my question is since I know I have a problem with most drugs and I know I need to stay away from them does that mean weed as well?
 
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