xburtonchic
Bluelighter
- Joined
- May 17, 2011
- Messages
- 1,004
Oh dude... I will be the first to admit that it's my fault I've been in so many shitty relationships. EVERY relationship I have EVER been in... since my very first one at 14... has revolved around drugs or alcohol. There are bound to be issues when that is the case. It is what it is though, I can't change the past. Like I said this is the first relationship I've been in where I'm sober... and no I definitely do not fully know who I am sober, I don't think I've been sober more than a month in my life for the past ten almost eleven years... well, except for now. I know what I like and don't like... I know what I want to do with my life... I know I'm a good person regardless of whether I'm using or not... I know what my strengths and weaknesses are... I don't know if that means I KNOW myself though.
Getting a place together and the whole marriage/kids conversation was allll him. At this point in time, I'm not opposed to it, so if that's what he wants, I don't see why I shouldn't go along with it? I mean. I do love him. And again, I don't think love necessarily has a time limit, it happens when it happens. I was talking to my friend the other day who has been married for a few years now, and him and his wife got married only four months after knowing each other. At the time I thought he was insane, but I actually get it now. And they're still as happy together as they were three years ago. Like I said it just happens regardless of how long you've known the person... I definitely DON'T plan on taking it THAT fast though. But I think it's just as possible to grow WITH someone as it is to grow on your own, outside of a relationship. It's not like I was looking for it lol. Neither was he.
All of your red flags and concerns are legitimate. I don't know how familiar you are with my other two threads... I've been kind of ignoring them since I don't like negativity lol so I don't know who has said what lately... but a lot of the things you guys are talking about are things I've already thought and worried about myself and figured out with him. Like, I am well aware that he could be using me as a distraction to not deal with the death of his fiancee. We've talked about all of this stuff though. It might not seem like it based on my threads, but we do have a healthy outlook on our relationship. Yeah we love each other and we want all of that stuff together in the future, but at the same time, we are both well aware that those feelings could change for either one of us at any given moment. And if that happens, we will deal with it when the time comes. But we both realize there's nothing we can do about it if it does, and so we are just going with the flow and enjoying each other and trying to stay in the moment. Does that make sense?
I know there are some red flags and some intuitive things as well that I'm purposely ignoring... just because, like you said Lysis, I'm having fun with him. I'm happy. And why would I get rid of something that makes me happy? Plus, keep in mind that I have only posted about the negative things for the most part... the rest of the time, everything is pretty much ALL good.
Oh someone asked what he does. He does have hobbies, if you count being really into football as a hobby lol but he likes snowboarding and all that good shit just as much as I do as well! He does work, though not right now since he's in rehab. I know he wants to go back to school since his felonies caused him to lose his license for the work he was doing before. His family is pretty supportive of our relationship I think. His friends are too, but then again his friends are pretty much limited to people we both met in rehab and at meetings, cause otherwise his "friends" are just a bunch of drug addicts that he can't associate with anymore anyway. And I know he has treated his past girlfriends really well. He's only had three girlfriends and they've all been long-term relationships. That's a good sign to me.
Believe me I tried sooo hard to distance myself both emotionally and physically! But the emotional part only worked for so long... that's one reason I trust our relationship. I have like a permanent guard up and it's nearly impossible to break it down... and yet somehow he managed to... so I'm going to go with whatever instinct caused that to happen. And well the physical part kind of went out the window today. And can I just say that it was soooo worth the wait!!! I really don't think I could have held out much longer anyway... but what can I say... I have needs damn it! lol
Getting a place together and the whole marriage/kids conversation was allll him. At this point in time, I'm not opposed to it, so if that's what he wants, I don't see why I shouldn't go along with it? I mean. I do love him. And again, I don't think love necessarily has a time limit, it happens when it happens. I was talking to my friend the other day who has been married for a few years now, and him and his wife got married only four months after knowing each other. At the time I thought he was insane, but I actually get it now. And they're still as happy together as they were three years ago. Like I said it just happens regardless of how long you've known the person... I definitely DON'T plan on taking it THAT fast though. But I think it's just as possible to grow WITH someone as it is to grow on your own, outside of a relationship. It's not like I was looking for it lol. Neither was he.
All of your red flags and concerns are legitimate. I don't know how familiar you are with my other two threads... I've been kind of ignoring them since I don't like negativity lol so I don't know who has said what lately... but a lot of the things you guys are talking about are things I've already thought and worried about myself and figured out with him. Like, I am well aware that he could be using me as a distraction to not deal with the death of his fiancee. We've talked about all of this stuff though. It might not seem like it based on my threads, but we do have a healthy outlook on our relationship. Yeah we love each other and we want all of that stuff together in the future, but at the same time, we are both well aware that those feelings could change for either one of us at any given moment. And if that happens, we will deal with it when the time comes. But we both realize there's nothing we can do about it if it does, and so we are just going with the flow and enjoying each other and trying to stay in the moment. Does that make sense?
I know there are some red flags and some intuitive things as well that I'm purposely ignoring... just because, like you said Lysis, I'm having fun with him. I'm happy. And why would I get rid of something that makes me happy? Plus, keep in mind that I have only posted about the negative things for the most part... the rest of the time, everything is pretty much ALL good.
Oh someone asked what he does. He does have hobbies, if you count being really into football as a hobby lol but he likes snowboarding and all that good shit just as much as I do as well! He does work, though not right now since he's in rehab. I know he wants to go back to school since his felonies caused him to lose his license for the work he was doing before. His family is pretty supportive of our relationship I think. His friends are too, but then again his friends are pretty much limited to people we both met in rehab and at meetings, cause otherwise his "friends" are just a bunch of drug addicts that he can't associate with anymore anyway. And I know he has treated his past girlfriends really well. He's only had three girlfriends and they've all been long-term relationships. That's a good sign to me.
Believe me I tried sooo hard to distance myself both emotionally and physically! But the emotional part only worked for so long... that's one reason I trust our relationship. I have like a permanent guard up and it's nearly impossible to break it down... and yet somehow he managed to... so I'm going to go with whatever instinct caused that to happen. And well the physical part kind of went out the window today. And can I just say that it was soooo worth the wait!!! I really don't think I could have held out much longer anyway... but what can I say... I have needs damn it! lol
