I don't want to be a failure

[tommy34]

Hey all, I haven't posted here much because my life has been pretty good lately but tonight I need some support. So I'll give a brief background. I left high school 4 years ago an haven't really done anything but work at the local fruit shop. At the start of this year I enrolled into uni and did tertiary preparation, which basically qualified me to start an undergraduate course. I did pretty well in this and I was starting to think that maybe I had a shot at finally making something of my life. So in the middle of this yer I was accepted to start a Bachelor of Social Science (Psychology). Tonight I got one of my papers back to find that I got 8.75 out of 20. So I was extremely disappointing in myself and to make it worse, in order to become a registered psychologist you can't just pass subjects you have to get a credit or higher. So I'm pretty sure I'm going to fail my first Psyc subject an if I do, I won't be doing it again or doing another because if I can't pass this basic shit how am I supposed to pass the other subjects.

I know I sound like I'm just winging about failing one assignment and everybody does it blah blah blah, but I just don't think I can do it. I feel like I'm going of options. I desperately don't want to end up becoming a nobody. Whenever I fail something it is an instant response to start putting a plan together and I am pretty certain that if it wasn't for my family and girlfriend that I would go through with it but the thought of my mother crying at my funeral sickens me. I feel like I'm running out of options in regards to my psychological health and actually becoming somebody that I enjoy being. I feel like my happiness solely relies on my self image. Every time I try to turn that self image into something I can be proud of, I'm shut down.

 

[Larson0]

i didn't commit to school (community college) and was immature at the time. stil studied but didn't take it that seriously. then my mom had a stroke and my addiction got out of control so i stopped going. now i feel i am ready after a couple years.

evem before i kicked my addiction i feel im more mature now and would be more committed to school and getting a real education. i have terrible ADD too and it fucked me most the time. if i could afford it i would go back. everyone studies and gets fucked. my brother didn't graduate school because of taking my mom everywhere but now he makes 75k a year managing a best buy after getting bonuses, or he made that last year.
if you dont want to be a failure, you wont. you make your own life and nobody is incapable of being succesful and becoming a millionaire if they really want it.

 

[Tude]

Dude. Dude. Chill. It was only ONE assignment. Study harder next time. Good luck!

 

[cj]

Hey man you can do it it sounds like you have been out of school for a couple years. It will probably take you a little while to get back in the flow and develope your writing and study skills. Go talk to your proffesor and find out why your grade was low and use that info to do better next time. Im 9n college and I have learned to just take it 1 semester at a time otherwise I start doubting whether I can pass cal 2 and some of those higher level scary classes. My point is if you work hard you can do it.

 

[Cyc]

E-mail or speak to your prof. during office hours. Get feedback. Sometimes, especially in the early social sciences, teachers don't want you to think outside the box. They're looking for a specific message. Maybe you didn't deliver it. Find out what the problem is.

 

[herbavore]

^ best advice! Teachers respect you for trying to learn what went wrong so that you can improve your work. Maybe the ideas were good but the grammar/ writing wasn't up to par. Maybe you misunderstood something. You owe it to yourself to find out. Once you find out what the problem was, look at it as one problem to be worked on, not an indication that your whole life is doomed to failure.

Good luck!

 

[footscrazy]

Uni is quite different to school and most people take awhile to to get into the habit of the different requirements, writing styles and way of learning you need at uni. This doesn't mean you're dumb or not upto it at all - you're just not familiar with uni yet. Many people who got good or decent marks at school are really shocked to find out they get pretty crappy marks at first at uni. It's only because the way you succeed at school is completely different to the way you do well at uni. Give it time and don't give up yet. When I first started uni I didn't do well in the first year - and I told my lecturer I wanted to drop out. She told me that many people feel the same way, but that dropping out isn't the right decision. She was right. By your 2nd year, uni will become 'normal'.

 

[shellybabe]

Do not allow yourself to see yourself as one. You will not be if you start to understand how worth it you are. I came off of a year depression, going on drugs, going to therapy and I just hated myself. I realized just recently I can not change what life throws at me, but I can certainly have faith in myself, do what is best for me and love myself. You don't have to be afraid of being a failure, I started a whole new life at 33 across the country. New career, everything. what I have learned is that what you have planned or expect is neccesarily how life will work out. But to love yourself, trust that you have alot to do and be ready for the unexpected. We can all tell you that you wont be a failure, but until you believe it..you will feel it. Be strong, feeling low is awful. I was not even getting out of bed for days at a time. You're life will ve what you make of it....sorry for any misspellings, but ive been up for three dyas

 

[effie]

^ excellent advice (especially given you've been up 3 days!)

I had to retake a whole year. I've nearly fucked up my career so many times, mostly through depression but pretty self-inflicted at times, and I felt like such a failure.. but am now doing my perfect job. I never thought I'd get here, but I did. All the advice earlier about speaking to your professor is excellent and really, don't be deterred by one bad mark... especially your first assignment.

I think there are definitely bigger issues here, your self-image and how much external factors affect you.. I don't really know how best to adress it except saying I am exactly the same, only I am now (through much effort and time passing) slightly better at believing in myself and not relying on the image I project to others and what they think.. is very much a work in progress for me though. Things that have helped me are meditation, CBT, talking to friends/partner, being inspired by people who aren't this way and just a gradual realisation about how unhappy it made me - and that actually - who cares how others see you? People really important will love you for you. Those who don't see the real you aren't that close to you, and those who might see failings or negative things - well, would you want them to be your friends anyway?? Is a hard realisation that we are not perfect and not everyone will always love us but then humans are so different, it is completely impossible to be who everyone would want you to be. It's exhausting and futile. It's such a cliche but you have to learn to accept yourself, all of who you are, the good bits and the not so good bits, and love yourself anyway

It's a really hard thing but try to listen to the people who care about you - try to see that your girlfriend and friends and family love who you are. Try to see yourself through their eyes and believe them, then somehow turn that inwards so you are seeing yourself through your own eyes and you don't need others perceptions or your perceived failures to shape your view of yourself.

Sorry if that was a little abstract, haha, I don't know how else to explain.. also a little sleep deprived!

Basically, don't let this get you down and try to learn to love who you are, and not be affected so deeply by things such as this and how you think others view you and very good luck with your future career! Introspection is a great quality in psychologists

ps I don't think you are actively suicidal, but if I am wrong - if you are in danger, call someone immediately. Things really will get better, even if you can't see it. You are so far from running out of options and hope, believe me, you have your whole life ahead of you.. and although ideally you will want to live for yourself, if it is keeping you alive and safe, then thinking of the devastation your death would cause isn't necessarily a bad thing at all..

 

[skillz~4~thrillz]

Don't be...give yourself a chance to be a success. You can do it! You obviously want to or you wouldn't be reaching out now-which I truly hope you will continue to do.
Remember,you are human and we all fuck up. I am 35 and ALMOST done W/ my Bachelors with plans for my Masters in Psychology and eventually a PhD. in the same. I have nothing but time-and even though we are only guaranteed nothing in this life-no next week,no tomorrow...as long as I have right now,that is all I need to succeed. Believe it or not-by opening up and confronting this with others as well as yourself,you have already made a successful step. KEEP IT UP!!!! Believe in yourself and allow yourself to make mistakes-then forgive yourself and let it go. Love yourself...it is a wonderful feeling of catharsis and makes life's inexorable problems easier to deal with.
Good luck and keep us posted!
Much peace and love................................skillz

 

[secret_lurker]

You've been out of school for 4 years and you think it's strange you bombed an assignment? As has been said, uni is nothing like high school. At the very least, every professor is different.

Also, keep in mind that the average uni student changes their major several times before committing to their final one. Psych is a very popular major, but consider the implications of that.