• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Mental Health I don't know if this is normal or if he's just an asshole....

L

Literally_nethng

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 2, 2020
Messages
30
My best friend got mad at me, he won't say why. We had an affair about a year ago, didn't talk for 3 months, and were making plans when he just said nope, and hasn't responded yet.
The thing is, this is normal for him. He gets mad at, idk, nothing that makes sense to me, and the more you try to contact him, the longer it takes him to finally respond. He'll read what I send him eventually, but it feels terribly unfair. Not the distancing, I get that. But why won't he say why he's upset? "You contacted my boss about a day off. Give me a few days".
He's in his 30s, has always suffered multiple mental health issues and a generally shit life.
I love the crap out of this guy. I have no patience, but I'll learn. I don't want to lose him from my life. If it's a mental health thing and therefore on me to learn, okay.
I'm just worried he's playing games or trying to "punish" me. It's really hard for me to relax and let go without forcing myself to put him out of my mind (I mean, I have some mental health issues too, and this is the ONE place we clash).
I know this is pretty generic, he says hes bipolar disorder, anxiety, not sure what else.
Any feedback welcome. Thanks.
 
Regardless of what MH issues he has, everyone processes everything differently. He's in his 30s - maybe this works for him.

If i were you id gently remind him you'll be there if he needs to talk and are not deserting him, while giving him the space he needs.

If he's punishing you by ignoring you, though, that's not cool and id take note that while you're worried about him you got to worry about yourself as well.

What do you think?

Do.you have any more insight into the reasons why you are so attached to him? What are the good parts of the relationship?

They (relationships) can be work, but its got to be worth it and only you know if it is.
 
madness00 said:
Regardless of what MH issues he has, everyone processes everything differently. He's in his 30s - maybe this works for him.

If i were you id gently remind him you'll be there if he needs to talk and are not deserting him, while giving him the space he needs.

If he's punishing you by ignoring you, though, that's not cool and id take note that while you're worried about him you got to worry about yourself as well.

What do you think?

Do.you have any more insight into the reasons why you are so attached to him? What are the good parts of the relationship?

They (relationships) can be work, but its got to be worth it and only you know if it is.
Click to expand...
Thank you. I found out the reason why he was so angry with me. Long story short, he was scared because of drug use of mine, even though he didn't let it get to him until 3 days into withdrawal.
So thank goodness we talked. I explained again that I get he needs processing time but he cannot ghost on me because it created all this drama and it was really awful. He promised we will talk soon.
Guess what though? It was still a misunderstanding. I said I relapsed, but I had a single emergency shot held by my husband just in case i had to go go work. I'm clean now.
I don't know that we ever would have resolved this if I hadn't figured out his motivation. His mom just passed away from an overdose, and I feel terrible I didn't realize that was why. He lives with my brother who is on/off (mostly on) user. Who got me hooked.
Well, I'll update with his reasoning, if you like?
 
That is his reasoning, though, right?

That his mom passed?

That's pretty heavy.

Yes update us with how the relationship is going with him :)

Am i stoned and missing something?
 
Who even walks on the street with people like him? I know some are but for real, who would want a relationship with a square? Get rid of this leech, if you gave your energy a while back and it got lost in translation then you know what's what, at least don't be your enemy. The world it's hard as it is.
 
BILLY-BLUNT said:
Hold on, did you say you contacted HIS boss about his own time off?!?

BBlunt
Click to expand...
Sorry, his boss used to be my trainee. I helped him get the job, and I was more excitedly talking about going geode hunting than requesting time off for him. Still an overstep, I know.
 
BILLY-BLUNT said:
Hold on, did you say you contacted HIS boss about his own time off?!?

BBlunt
Click to expand...
Sorry, his boss used to be my trainee. I helped him get the job, and I was more excitedly talking about going geode hunting than requesting time off for him. Still an overstep, I know.
madness00 said:
That is his reasoning, though, right?

That his mom passed?

That's pretty heavy.

Yes update us with how the relationship is going with him :)

Am i stoned and missing something?
Click to expand...
We are talking again. We both have to learn that he needs space and patience, and I need some kind of insight to what's going on.
He said he's working on his anger management and if he has just gone off he would be a lot more aggressive than if he had some space.
 
BILLY-BLUNT said:
Hold on, did you say you contacted HIS boss about his own time off?!?

BBlunt
Click to expand...
Sorry, his boss used to be my trainee. I helped him get the job, and I was more excitedly talking about going geode hunting than requesting time off for him. Still an overstep, I know.
madness00 said:
That is his reasoning, though, right?

That his mom passed?

That's pretty heavy.

Yes update us with how the relationship is going with him :)

Am i stoned and missing something?
Click to expand...
We are talking again. We both have to learn that he needs space and patience, and I need some kind of insight to what's going on.
He said he's working on his anger management and if he has just gone off he would be a lot more aggressive than if he had some space.
Shady's Fox said:
Who even walks on the street with people like him? I know some are but for real, who would want a relationship with a square? Get rid of this leech, if you gave your energy a while back and it got lost in translation then you know what's what, at least don't be your enemy. The world it's hard as it is.
Click to expand...
That's one of my problems too. I'm married, but we aren't close like we used to be due mainly I believe to my pain issues (killed a killer sex life) and subsequent choices. And I get it, it takes time and men don't understand women half the time anyway, let alone throw "personal" issues in, lolol.
I've had a really hard time connecting with people. Just friends, and wah wah virus we all know. It just seems like I end up pissing people off and I no longer have a friend.
I'm pretty social and my job isn't. Our friends all moved. Literally.
So I have made a friend. He gets mental illness, anxiety, feeling alone. I get that too! Someone I can screw up around and he gets it. And yeah, I have feelings... husband knows, friend knows, I know, and it doesn't make any difference. We all notice and forget them.
I want to be there for him, and be someone constant that he can count on, but I'm not there yet. So I enjoy our friendship immensely, he's so bright. (Also he and I agree politically. Hubs and I do not. It's so amazing lol) I think it's worth it to keep trying. Like we can work on ourselves with the other. well, I hope he feels that way. I'll ask him later! Ha!
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top