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I don't feel the same way anymore.

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pirate24

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 21, 2009
Messages
90
I've been with my current girlfriend for almost 2 years now. For the first year I thought she was the love of my life and the most beautiful girl in the world. Now, though, I don't find her attractive anymore. I don't think her appearance has changed that much, maybe she's gained a bit of weight but I don't think that's it. Of course it's more than looks, I just don't know if I'm still in love with her. I'm always catching myself fantasizing about dating other girls I know, like 'if only I wasn't tied down' sort of thing. But I still have feelings for my girlfriend, I care about her a lot, we shared some great things - she's probably the only one on this planet I can confide in and really talk to, which is what makes this so painful. A part of me is saying I should break up with her, but another part of me is worried that I'll regret it for the rest of my life. If I lose her, then I've got nobody.
 
Many people experience this feeling. It's called the 'Seven Year Itch', although it can happen anywhere from 6 months onward. Is there anything that has happened recently to trigger this?

It's entirely possible that this is a fear of commitment and you should talk to your partner about it. There's nothing worse than staying in a relationship that you're no longer comfortable in.
 
Maybe you just need to find that "spark" again.
This happens quite often in long term relationships - sometimes you can fix it, sometimes you can't. But why not try to fix it first? Try spicing things up in your relationship. The two things that I have noticed that usually change from the beginning of a relationship to when you've been dating for a while is a) the dates and b) the sex. So for the dates, try going on actual dates. Maybe you two have gotten comfortable and don't go out anymore. Maybe go out on a dinner date, go to the movies, something like that, like when you used to try to impress each other. For the sex, maybe try something new. Perhaps it has gotten to be the same thing over and over. Try something you haven't done in a while. Try something new.

Trying new things in your relationship is a good idea in general. Different types of dates. What are some things that you've wanted to do for a while, or some things that she's wanted to do for a while? Try something like that.

As for fantasizing about other people - it is completely normal. I'm not sure how *often* you fantasize about other people, I'm not sure how to much is "too much". But yeah, it is fine to think about others to some degree. Perfectly normal :)
 
It sounds like you have more of a best friend like bond with her.... :( Sad.

Nothing left to do than break it off with her. But talk to her about it first, so she's not totally caught off guard. I feel for her but maybe (you never know), she feels the same? :shrug: This kind of gave me shivers because my boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 years and I would DIE (if he ever thought this--but he doesn't :crosses fingers:)
 
Pretty_Diamonds said:
Nothing left to do than break it off with her.
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I don't agree. It may be that that's the case, but I think he needs to feel things out a bit more.
Like another poster said, everyone gets sick of their partner at some point. Long term relationships are really tricky.
I don't think it's even that unreasonable to express to her that you feel things have stagnated. Don't say you're sick of her, obviously. Just that you need to change things up. If she loves you and wants to make things work she'll work with you.
You don't wanna lose someone that important if you've just got a case of wandering eye. Everyone that's in a LTR occasionally looks at someone else and wonders what could be if they weren't tied down, etc. It's natural.

If it's more than that, if things can't get refreshed, back to the way they were before, then you gotta make a change. For both of yours sake.
 
I don't think long term relationships are that tricky. Everyone idealises the fireworks they experienced at the start of their relationship, then the months and years pass by and many couples become less passionate about each other and become more like deep companions. Many people abandon their companions and chase the thrills and spills of new, exciting relationships - but soon find the erratic (and, it must be said, often hot) sex is a poor substitute for someone to come home to, someone who gets you, someone who's there for you. And you miss that profound relationship you threw over for some cheap thrills.

Just something to bear in mind.
 
95Land said:
I don't agree. It may be that that's the case, but I think he needs to feel things out a bit more.
Like another poster said, everyone gets sick of their partner at some point. Long term relationships are really tricky.
I don't think it's even that unreasonable to express to her that you feel things have stagnated. Don't say you're sick of her, obviously. Just that you need to change things up. If she loves you and wants to make things work she'll work with you.
You don't wanna lose someone that important if you've just got a case of wandering eye. Everyone that's in a LTR occasionally looks at someone else and wonders what could be if they weren't tied down, etc. It's natural.

If it's more than that, if things can't get refreshed, back to the way they were before, then you gotta make a change. For both of yours sake.
Click to expand...
I guess I'm just lucky. I feel the exact same way with my boyfriend and we've been together for two years (living together for 1.5 yrs). If my boyfriend felt like the way the OP does, I wouldn't want him to drag on the relationship... We all want a partner, but it's unfair for the girlfriend if he's not even attracted to her anymore. OP: If the weight thing is a major factor--encourage her to hit the gym with you. But, I also agree with everyone else in, if you're not sure, put in some effort to make it work. Do new and exciting things! Maybe you'll be able to fall back in love. :)
 
Hey if it's not there its not there. If you aren't married or have kids or anything maybe you should just end it? Life is short.
 
I dated a woman for about a year and a half and well after a while she was more my best friend than anything. Sex wasnt what it used to be and well I felt like I was contributing more finacially and around the house. She wasnt happy with her job and she constantly reminded me of how she took a new job to live closer and how she did this and that. She really seemed jealous that I liked my job. But anyways I did break up with her. I dont know your scenario, Im describing a relationship I was in. We said we would stay friends and We kinda did, but shes really bitter now as her life has gotten worse and mine has gotten better. We were growing apart.
 
I was actually with my ex for 4 years and we broke up last year February last year, yes after 4 years I tried really hard to keep our relationship together but he was just not in love anymore so it was best to end a relationship.. It is hard I know to keep it together specially if you care about someone so much like my ex did but there's no point in keeping a one-way relationship. You should always be honest with each others feeling and communicate it with her.. If you decide to end it I hope she understands that you are not feeling the same way anymore.. Goodluck :)
 
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