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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

I did all that adderall?

S

shark todd

Greenlighter
Joined
Mar 26, 2015
Messages
5
Hi guys, just going to try and see if fish can get any feedback, as people here seem very knowledge and friendly. Fish isn't looking for any enhancements or ways to make them more potent. Fish is just shrugging for the millionth time for tossing adds into mouth like tic-tacs. And it's been going on for more than just a few months now, the repeated cycle of up-up-up, to really, really down and yawny when Fish is dry, run out.

What behavior or solutions could Fish do to preserve them, make them last? Time-lock safe? Stowing it miles away from house so fish can't impulsively re-dose? Fish thought hard about telling his dad to keep them and hand them out to him in the right doses, but he doesn't want his mom to think he's an addict, and she would, she thinks the worst - Fish is the youngest of quite a few siblings with problems. Fish has thought equally hard about just getting smashed and opening up to Dad, wouldn't be as scared and wouldn't cower away if he freaked out. Thanks for any advice guys.
 
Thanks, LearntYoung. I was stupid to expect anything more than a smug remark on an internet forum. Protecting my anonymity while releasing my most shielded secrets, I don't glamorize an abuser, I resent the idea of dependency only a little less than I resent myself. My problem isn't as severe as many in this world/forum, but I'm still someone reaching out into the intangible realm of the internet - and I've obviously grasped onto nothing that will help me. Probably need a counselor, but that's not very masculine, so I'll never go through with it. Gender-programming, or just more excuses blown up by an addictive mindset? Excuses, True, Gender-P, F.

I regret ever trying to talk to anyone outside of my tunnel-vision, isolated personal life. I'm alone and I'll endure, not in any self-pity, attention-seeking way, but in a stoic, icy, and concentrated manner. I may be low, but I'll end up high. And for most, it's the opposite. High, then low. Look for me up above, but don't hurt your neck; health insurance, it's a killer. Pain progresses, but so does empathy. Good luck Learnt.

And I know that the 'post-count' is a dopamine trigger, I remember passionately posting on forums, trying to raise my post count and credibility. I now realize that the number or the quantification of a person's worth is empty and dull. If I impact or effect even one person's train of thought, then I've added something to the total net worth of this world. A number beside an obscure username means as much as the programming codes it's written, lost within the blink of a blackout, all your history of continued contribution lost forever.

I dragged on a little bit here, sure, but I'm not sitting on a park bench laughing as others try to succeed and improve. I admire the failure as much as the success. Trying is what matters, not fearing to try being the only obstacle, the merciless, menacing villain on the final level, attacking you with twirling, flamings swords.
 
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shark todd said:
Thanks, LearntYoung. I was stupid to expect anything more than a smug remark on an internet forum. Protecting my anonymity while releasing my most shielded secrets, I don't glamorize an abuser, I resent the idea of dependency only a little less than I resent myself.
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Bluelight doesn't allow the use of SWIM, fish, etc.. It does nothing to protect you and it's incredibly annoying to read. Just use the first person.

If you're comfortable doing so - then I think your solution of telling your Dad is the best option. I understand the frustrations of your parents having information regarding your habits.. But it's an excellent way of moderating use; it means you're accountable to someone other than yourself, someone that will willingly give you a hard time about it if you fuck up. It's a big step, but a very mature one.

I struggled with gambling addiction many years ago, the best thing I ever done was spill my guts to my parents; ultimately I let my mum manage my finances for a long time and provide me grocery money in the form of super-market gift cards purchased from my own bank account. It was very often inconvenient, embarrassing and has led to a permanent level of suspicion on the part of my parents towards me any time strange financial situations are apparent - but it's all worth it, accountability keeps me (or you!) in check. Or at least, it will help and make this a stronger possibility.
 
Since your so young maybe you need someone other then your self to tell you had enough......it isnt nothing to be ashamed of if your staying safe....your mother doesnt have to know if you can be real mature with your father about it....have a heart to heart talk and why you dont want your mother to know.....but thats just me its better then hiding all the time....stay safe
 
Thanks for the reply, mostly-human. I'm afraid of your courage. Maybe because I'm the youngest in my family, or sensitive, or whatever, I want to edit my life like a movie, disclose the good, discard the bad. I know I won't tell anyone in my life, even if I, and you, it sounds, are the better for it. I'd prefer them to not be suspicious, as this is just a temporary pitfall in my life that i'm going through, the motto that a lot of addictive personalities repeat in their heads. But, in the grand scheme of it all, I might be overreacting: fuzzy brain for a few months and then a smooth ride on the train of sobriety for the rest of my days. Just have to endure the fuzz; will soon.
 
Thanks, Wonka. I would have to communicate with my Dad that it is between me and him - a line he might cross. He's, naturally, pretty close to my mom. I hope I don't neglect my parents in the future, thinking they should have seen my twitches and such. But I doubt it, I don't hold a grudge, they've been great in so many ways. Excited to make some posts in the sober living section of this forum. But damn my classes will be a struggle.
 
Talk to your dad and mum about how you took lots of amphetamines, and are addicted or out of control with abusing them.

If you get them from a doctor tell him or her too, and tell them to stop prescribing them. If you get them via other ways delete the contact info for the person and cut off all contact with them. Good luck.
 
I've reported your post and details to the local pet protection service for both endangering marine life and cruelty to fish, as well as supplying narcotics.
 
I would talk with whoever in your family can handle the news the best and try to work something out. Maybe your dad will give you one a day and that'll solve your issue.

Telling your GP is another issue... That's up to you.

Rybee said:
I've reported your post and details to the local pet protection service for both endangering marine life and cruelty to fish, as well as supplying narcotics.
Click to expand...

Lol
 
If you are going to tell your dad (which I would think very hard about because it could break his heart to know he has another child with addictive tendencies) then please don't do it after drinking because that might just exacerbate the problem if he somehow notices (smells the booze on you).

I used to have the same issue as you when it comes to redosing my amphetamine scripts but as of late, I have been able to manage myself significantly better because I've realized that there comes a point where dosing is pointless and you might as well have just flushed the pill down the toilet because you reach a point where even with massive doses, the dopamine in your brain is, to put it simply, used up and unless you give your body sleep, food, vitamins/nutrients and TIME then taking the pills will do nothing but cause nasty side effects related to the levo-amphetamime in the adderall formulation.

I know that it's easier said than done obviously, but knowing this has helped me not waste my scripts unnecessarily. Maybe rather than give the pills to your mom, give them to another individual who you trust and are close enough with to explain the situation. That's essentially the same as the time lock safe which might not be a bad idea in your case albeit an expensive one.
 
shark todd said:
Thanks for the reply, mostly-human. I'm afraid of your courage. Maybe because I'm the youngest in my family, or sensitive, or whatever, I want to edit my life like a movie, disclose the good, discard the bad. I know I won't tell anyone in my life, even if I, and you, it sounds, are the better for it. I'd prefer them to not be suspicious, as this is just a temporary pitfall in my life that i'm going through, the motto that a lot of addictive personalities repeat in their heads. But, in the grand scheme of it all, I might be overreacting: fuzzy brain for a few months and then a smooth ride on the train of sobriety for the rest of my days. Just have to endure the fuzz; will soon.
Click to expand...

I understand and felt the same way, I let my addictions drag me to homelessness before I disclosed anything to my family. Not that they're idiots and didn't guess something was up, but it's not the same. My advice is always the same - the truth will set you free - sadly - we tend to hit rock bottom before we give this a crack.
 
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