I desperately need to talk to someone about this

[Sprout]

My mother will no longer acknowledge my existence, purely because I opened up and told her I was an opiate addict - you guys are very lucky indeed.

 

[Dark Side]

My mother will no longer acknowledge my existence, purely because I opened up and told her I was an opiate addict - you guys are very lucky indeed.

That sucks big time, my parents are supportive of me what ever shit i get in myself into. Then again my dad grew up around people that took barbs, stims, Heroin, morphine etc saw all the bad side of drugs alot of his friends aint around today. Funny thing is my dad never took an illegal drug despite all his mates doing them not even a toke on a spliff

Even my mum used to get on the phet back in the day at soul all nighters before the times of MDMA and electronic music ha

 

[Raasyvibe]

police love that shit. chance to be a white knight to an inebriated women? they jump at it. in fact, its often the demographic the creepy, predatory ones target.


its mostly current political prioritisation-based, with postcodes and individual whim thrown in on top. mostly, you can phone the police, report a fairly minor crime and hear sirens with a minutes. few years ago, in my previous flat, which backed onto the most poor, crime ridden street in dudley - long story short, six or so men, came to rob me. i had been warned beforehand. but didnt expect it midday, right on the busiest road in town - they buzzed, then began kicking at the security door to get in


rang 999, said there were six black guys breaking in and if they did so, i would defend myself by any means, so they better come


never showed, despite a 2nd 999 call 30mins later, with it still going on. they got in, but mustve baulked at a further door (a flimsy one) am known to police, but still, popping in to see if im dead would be nice

lol, anyone else rings the police and they're there in minutes. BHM says his life is in danger and they don't bother turning up. lmao.

"six black guys breaking in and if they did so, i would defend myself by any means"

If you're known trouble makers, tbh they're probably hoping you kill each other off, makes their job a bit easier

 

[brimz]

My mother will no longer acknowledge my existence, purely because I opened up and told her I was an opiate addict - you guys are very lucky indeed.

Really , what a shitter .

My Mum found my Methadone script when i was 19 n i was staying at her house at the time she kicked me out on the spot but she has always been there for me in really desperate times.

As parents/ people go my Mum knows more about Opiates than most.

 

[parttime crackhead]

PTCH you are a nutter. My old dear would be freaking out if I did that sort of shit and worried sick. When you were phoning her and she was abroad was she not worried sick?

I don't think I'd get kicked out either if I was living with her but she'd be angry, worried and a lot would be said about it.

She definitely would not find it funny.

I was only phoning her to explain that the police at the house had nothing to do with me, that there had been some sort of a fight in the street, as I was concerned that one of the neighbours was going to phone her and tell her the cops were there because of me. There wasn't any police at my house at all.

She was worried when I couldn't string a sentence together. Which is why I thought it wise to tell her I was on ketamine

When I phoned her the next day to explain that I'd made it all up she was just relieved that everything was ok then proceeded to take the piss out me for being such a clown.

Don't get me wrong, she obviously was not happy with me at all but she never stays raging for more than a day or two.

 

[Treacle]

WML: I had a severe GBL addiction, which started about 7 years ago, and carried on for a couple of years. My son was 3, when I started taking it. I was eventually found by my son's mum, when she brought him to my house, completely unconscious. I'd got my days mixed up, and was not expecting him. I eventually woke up, and followed her into the street, screaming at her to bring my son back to me. It took me nearly two years, lots of solicitor appointments, drug tests, and court dates to see him again. Those were an extremely dark couple of years for me. Some of my best friends even stopped speaking to me. Now, everything is back to normal. I'm at least an average dad, and people generally don't have any issues with me. I hope you've sorted your head out, a little, and can now see how much worse things could be. I wanted to comment on this, when I first read it, but didn't know what to say. Everyone fucks up. Don't let it stop you moving forward.

 

[wcote]

My mother will no longer acknowledge my existence, purely because I opened up and told her I was an opiate addict - you guys are very lucky indeed.

How long ago was that? Cus give it time and she might come back around.

 

[Methadrone420]

Considering that you and mom have already lost someone close/dear to you, you will not lose contact. You are all she has. However, might want to remember that when mixing the G with the alcohol. JS. Similar situation happened to me. (Involved Elijah Craig and Clonazepam tho)

 

[Ubi]

Hey, stop beating yourself up. Okay? really, you got to stop beating yourself up. Did that go in anywhere? Cut it out. Your not alone.

Your mum did what any loving Mum would do. Of course she's worried, wouldn't you be? Talk to her.
and talk to yourself. Ask yourself why you be experimenting with such stuff? self love luv

 

[WithMyLife]

Bumping with an update. Some good, some bad. Looong post, I just needed to write it down more than anything. I'm no longer in desperate need of talks, but any advice on the last bit would be good.

The good news is that I swallowed my nerves and called my mum. Everything is ok. She didn't want to talk about it at all so we had a nice long chat about other random stuff. I expect at some people I'll be in her company when she's drinking, and she'll have a mega rant. But so what? She's my mum! I'm very chuffed.

The less good news is what's going on on the boyfriend front. Disclaimer: this is a tale of utter idiocy on my part.
I told him the truth about what happened, and he was really supportive. He did want to know that I was going to stop. I had run out of GBL by then and have absolutely no intention of buying more. I explained how it went from fun to required to required-but-unpleasant.
Had a couple of days of being a bit shaky and sweaty, but nothing I couldn't handle.

I did start filling those empty edgy evenings with booze though. Not every night and not crazy amounts (1 small bottle of vodka and 4 bottles of wine over the last 2 weeks, but still. NOT GOOD.

Then come the weekend, I felt really depressed. I was miserable, crawling out of my own skin, disgusted at myself for drinking, couldn't calm down or relax at all. Just felt BAD. I waited a few hours to see if it'd subside. It didn't. I seriously thought about more GBL, but using it was just getting worse and worse.
So I bought some benzos (Diclazepam). Figured a long lasting low impact benzo should sort me out next time I was feeling really bad. I went out to dinner with my boyfriend, have a lovely evening, then headed home (separately). I decided to have some wine. Then I thought "ooh. Wonder if these actually work" so took one of the 1mg pellets. Washed down with wine. After a while I decided it wasn't doing anything, so took another. Boyfriend texted asking if I fancied a chat on the phone, I was like "sure". That's the last thing I remember until the next morning.
Apparently I was pretty normal for a while. Then asked him to come over because I was "lonely" (I'd NEVER say something like that sober). When he got here, I was pretty incoherent, confused, didn't know what I'd taken, didn't remember inviting him over. Apparently I then couldn't find my ecig, and got really angry throwing things around trying to find it. Got upset about not knowing what I'd taken.
He apparently managed to put me to bed. Wanted to keep an eye on me, but couldn't sleep, so left.

I wake up the next morning with absolutely no memory of anything at all apart from the start of the phone call. Nada. If you're thinking "it's impossible that the equiv of 15mg diaz could hit so hard", it seems that at some point I ate the rest of them. Or threw them away. Or scattered them somewhere. No idea, I have an empty baggie and no clues.

Boyfriend was ok with me for a couple of days, but today he gave me a rather fumbled ultimatum. He's worried that two such OTT events in such close proximity form a trend. He's never done any drugs, so I can imagine that looking after a drugged up person was pretty scary.

He wants me to stop taking drugs. All drugs. Excluding alcohol (godddddamit). What's gone wrong is that he thought my "I won't take GBL" meant "I won't take drugs". So I guess he's aiming for zero loopholes. I wish he knew me well enough that I'd never exploit a loophole in a personal agreement.

I tried for a few compromises:
There are two reasons I take drugs:
1. Coping. This is the one I should cut out. There are better ways, and I don't like that I use drugs to dispel any negative emotion
2. Fun. The occasional stim session that is not because I feel bad, it's because I feel like getting high

I don't want 1, but I do enjoy 2. No.

I suggested that we could have a rule of no drugs any more frequently than once every X months. He said he wasn't sure he'd be able to trust me.

So there doesn't seem to be any room for compromise.

I hate ultimatums (this wasn't as harsh as "quit or I leave", but same sentiment). On this one though, I think it might be doable. I'll really miss nights on stims, coding up a storm and browsing every web page on the net. Finding healthy (or unhealthy but clean) ways to cope with stress and boredom will improve my life. I really don't agree with the blanket 'not even for fun' thing. Perhaps I will find other sources of fun.

I do really like this guy and think we need to have a better conversation (this was all by text, urgh). I need to know if this is a genuine from-the-heart thing, or if it's some sort of power play. I think the former -- I think he was just genuinely shocked by seeing me in that state.

 

[Treacle]

Fuck being put in that situation. He can't expect you to stop everything, especially if it's recreational. Sounds like he needs to try the fun stuff himself. It's surprising how many people come around to your way of thinking, after trying things like MDMA.

 

[WithMyLife]

Heh, well, he dumped me for being "untrustworthy". Fuck that shit. I am trying my best, and I feel like this has set me back a bit. I feel so so so depressed right now. trying to keep my mind off it.

I would have done it as well. I told him I'd quit everything for him. He said he didn't believe me.

 

[WithMyLife]

I want to order a fuckload of G because it's the only thing that makes me feel better abuot my pathetic excuse for a life. I'm going to hold off on that for a few days thuogh and see if my mood improves.

 

[knock]

Obviously a prick. Good luck to him finding his little Stepford Wife.

 

[*dharmabum*]

Hold off, your mood will improve (honestly!)

It can also be really easy to fall into a habit of drinking far too much alcohol after stopping GBL so keep an eye on that