I created my own hell how do i stop this ???

arkoz

Greenlighter
Joined
Feb 5, 2015
Messages
4
So here's the thing.First of i apologize for my english i will try to write it as simple as possible.




I live in a country in Europe named Cyprus (basicly a small island) you may even never heard of .I'm 28 years old i live
alone since my mother died 2 year's ago the only ones i have is my smaller brother and my grandmother they live together
in another house not far from mine.I had a very good Job a nice car a beautyful girlfriend a happy life going to GYM everyday
friends etc .I just always needed to be addicted to something dont get this wrong it hasnt to be specificly
drug addicion the Gym is an addiction to me my Girlfriend is an addiction bike is an addiction playing basket is addiction
this just how my circle of life is makes me feel alive


I never had big problem with drugs i tryed (weed Xtc LSD Coke etc) over the years only coke give me abit of problem but i
was always able to break free of those addictions all this untill 10 months ago i found in internet ''the SnB meth''
(which never hear and not have knowledge what this substunce is ) i though im clean from drugs 5 years lets give this it a try!!
what a fucking curious idiot i was ? Also In my country Pseudoephedrine AND EVERY SINGLE INGRIDIENT is NON controlled all
over the counter buy as much as you like. in 1 fucking week i was cooking it out from nowhere i must say it blowed my mind that i get so high from something i created home .In 3 months i was able to cook it with 3 diffrent reduction Methods Hypo/birch/RXN plenty of time and ingridients i was using meth and reading even for days i become clandestine chemist whats wrong with me i FUCKING HATED CHEMISTRY Im still thinking about the site i found and make this disaster possible (most of you must heard of it but i don't wan't to name it but is a place where ''all bees give the honey'') all of the forum guys there must be granduated chemists who turned to crime i cannot explain it otherwise even if you do a random cook mistake you will found a Topic about what and how to fix it with such accurancy.


Now 10 months later im IV user sitting in my empty house without electricity(just what's left in my Evil Laptop) without
car i sell it while i was High (yes stupid things happends while high) also girlfriend broke up i was fired from Job stoped
The GYM half house is burned from ''Cooking lessions'' in this country they dont even have a Meth DETOX clinic 80% people here
simply don't know this substunce existance!This is my 11th time i relapse (35 hours past from my last dosage Yeah i know i
will not let this slip become relapse i will keep moving forward and im already killing the high with effective dosage of
benzos to prevent further damage) but sometimes im feeling really heavy on heart and alone to this even if i told this story
to family they wont belive me is so extreme for this country stereotypes.They already think i lose my mind and become mad
or i become schizophrenic( i dont blame them they don't know a drug can affect one in such point) .
I spent thousands of hours reading your forums not only yours every single article about Quiting meth and learning ways and
methods to stay clean but also from personal expiriance with past cocaine addiction this is very difficult cocaine addiction
is walk in the park compair to this this so ironic and serious at the same time i create a substance which killing me slowly
in pain and agony and can't say a word about it , every binge takes me a step away from life and what i loved like im traped
in an illusion in some kind of fake reality


I know i must find the strength to stop this madness im just getting tired of relapse just need to speak this to someone
even by writing it down make me feel better and i know here are people with more expiriance and clean mind so can get
some advice im trapped here with no job and no car nobody to talk im more easy to relapse


Also please don't try to find track IP or anything i just come here for help and only I never intent to pass this
curse to anyone.My House is shiny clean Laws of my country could not affect me with household
chemicals or sudafed also cops dosnt know what to look for and will took them 1 week to get papers so they will be able to
check my house (yes a little meth paranoia while typing :) ) ( please forgive me if i insult you with this i just lost too much in a blink of an eye )
 
Hi Arkoz, don't worry we're not going to attempt to track you down. That is the meth paranoia talking. You've come to the right place for trying to quit this drug. First off, you need to have a sit down talk with your family. You say they already believe you to have mental health troubles so being honest about the drugs will help them put together what's truly happening.

Tell them just the way to explained it to us: You have become addicted to a strong stimulant, it is ruining your life and you want to be free of this. You need to get into a rehabilitation program. Do you have a regular physician? They can steer you in the right direction. You have already lost so much due to your addiction. Please try and get some help! Let us know how you're doing!
 
Thanks for the reply i appreciate it. i discuss it with psychologist's we have only clinics for heroin addicts and thats 1 in the entire country but they suggest medication treatment for it which is major kill of dopamine with massive antipsychotics and some AD.
I told them after a sleep i have zero pshychosis and that killing my dopamine during start of recovery is counterproducive.I can see a huge benefit for the AntiDepressant's tho but those antipshycho just make my recovery slow down .They told me im not doctor and i should listen to them.I wonder sometime's where they get ther diplomas he should listen to his patient not opposing me.From that time i just found a pharmacy that can provide me with everything i want without prescription but not generic the original brads dunno the diffrence really.
I eat a balanced meal took antidepressant and scoop of protein , force myself to a jogg 10mins and feel tired this shit really affecting my physical health.Anhedonia and constant sleeping urge is starting to kick in hard.
Speaking to family i will just add more pain and they been throu alot wich i cause.When im ready and clean 1 year maybe gonna speak and told the real story

I see it clear now, with learning how to create the drug i opened pandora's box big time it could be easyer to delete mobile number of dealer but how to delete this .Extreme measures should be taken now on to deal with this extreme situation Moving my self away from enviroment that i can supply with ingridients seems the only option at least for some time.
Laptop battery is running out i may make some time get back here.

Thank you again from my heart for replying that means alot to me i know im not completely alone
 
Hey arkoz and welcome to BL:)

Sorry that you are going through this.

From the information presented here there are a very small amount of people entering into treatment for non coke stimulants in Cyprus.

Drug treatment overview for Cyprus

In many areas of the world there is a fellowship self help group called Narcotics Anonymouse that covers addiction as its own entitity instead of treating specific addictions to different substances. When I looked for it in your country I did not find it right away, but then did. I did find Cocaine Anonymous. It looks like they may be the group to look to in Cyprus.

Narcotics Anonymous

Narcotics Anonymous WORLD SERVICES
NA White Booklet, Narcotics Anonymous (introduction to program)

CA CYPRUS Help with drugs, alcohol and mind altering substances.CA is a fellowship of men and women Who share their experience, strength and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from their addiction. Help with Drugs, Alcohol and mind altering substances.
Cocaine Anonymous Cyprus

Support groups Cyprus


These are addict run support groups and they are free. I would find one near you and start going to the meetings as much as possible. It sounds like a great place for you to start.

You will also need to get rid of all your equipment and supplies or you will just end up making more speed.

You can do this. Don't focus about what happened in the past or worry about the future at this point. Just keep it very simple and focus only on your recovery. If you recover then all will work itself out eventually. If you dont recover nothing will work out. This is why its really important to make your recovery the number one priority in your life for the next year or more.

Sure your addiction really took a tole and left you in a tough spot. Don't worry though as this is only temporary and if you recover you will get out of that hole.

There is a bunch of good information, wisdom and support to be found here and Sober Living is a good place to check out.

You will figure this out. Recovery is a process and is not an instantaneous moment.
 
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