I was addicted to benzodiazepines for 9 years. I tried quitting them many times before I eventually succeeded in December last year. I'm 24 now and I was sure that I was going to die before I turn 30. My mind felt so empty and I kept forgetting everything, I felt as if I was already dead, I could feel almost no emotions. But then I spontaneously decided that I would quit for good and I just knew that this time once I'm off benzodiazepines, I would never touch them again. I was so sick and tired of such life that the will to get my life back was simply stronger. A year before I quit benzodiazepines, I also quit methadone after being on it for over 2 years. I've been addicted to opioids since I was 14, the withdrawal was horrible, way worse than any withdrawal from morphine or heroin had ever been, but I knew I didn't want to live like that any more. I'm still on Suboxone, but once I have the money for ibogaine, I'm going to quit it too for good. Your strong will is all you need to succeed, your mind is the most powerful weapon you've got if you only discover it. You can do anything you want if you only truly believe it. Self-hypnosis and meditation also helped me a lot, it's possible to manipulate oneself into any stream of thoughts. Sometimes when I'm overwhelmed, it helps me a lot when I just stop thinking, stop analysing everything, it's pointless. There's really no secret about quitting drugs, it's about recognising the problem and having the strength to beat it. You need to want it for yourself, not for anyone else, you need to truly negate your current lifestyle.
Try visualising your life without drugs and dependence, it really feels so good not to be dependent on anything. It's an illusion that you need a drug to survive a day, a week, a month, a year, or your whole life. It's going to be tough. Around 8 months after I quit benzodiazepines I still suffer from the PAWS, the depersonalisation makes my life almost impossible, the reality is blurred with the world inside my head. Sometimes I don't know who I am and whether the stuff around me is real or not, sometimes my mind freezes so I can't properly articulate words. This is not the worst, it's much more difficult to simply hold on and live my life. I've got problems with the basic every day stuff, I feel my mind is often like the mind of a new-born baby, I have to learn everything from the beginning, and if I don't, I just won't survive. I mean that life is much more difficult than quitting drugs, so in order to learn how to live you need to beat problems step by step. Perhaps I'm too honest with you, but perhaps you won't have to learn everything from the very beginning. I'm mostly all by myself now, I don't have a soul mate and nobody fully understands what's wrong with me, my mum tries hard, but she's been through a lot in her life, including my problems too, so it doesn't seem fair for me to burden her with my madness any more. I've got no job and I can't legally do what I'm best at without a diploma, I was removed from the student roster three times all because of problems related to my addictions. So if your life is now at least partially settled, it's going to be much easier.