i can't even fucking write anymore, you even took that from me.

[iLoveYouWithaKnife]

And 'giving up' are words you think about,
when you are sick of trying.
sick of trying to make things right.
And I don't think about much anymore these days-
So I guess that means I have finally given up.
It's starting to scare me really,
because last week, you had such a hold on me.
so tight that i didn't want to think about what it would be like,
without you.
Now, I just don't give a fuck.
I sat here and cried so many fucking nights,
trying to think of a solution...
anything to make this right,
anything better than this.
-to find something 'perfect'
But I realized that 'it' doesn't exsist,
when you need to try.
And still this past week, I've given you the opportunity,
for me not to hate you.
for you not to ruin me.
Anymore than you already did.
And I see no change.
Except that I'm starting to forget this goddamn routine.
I'm starting to forget what is feels like to be pushed up against my cold wall, as you hog the bed, steal the covers.
I'm starting to forget what it's like to see you reach for a cigarette in the early a.m., smoke it, go back to bed, push me up against the wall again.
And it's really not that bad.
Now that they are just memories.
It's just all something to look back on.
And grin and say, 'how the fuck could i have been so stupid?'
If by chance, those memories come back as present
I'll have you know it will be the same routine,
and then me asking 'Why? What the fuck does all this mean?'
And maybe, just maybe you can't question things.
You can't question 'giving up'.
You can't question 'what it all means'
Because, everyone has different answers.
You just need to let things fall as they may.
And when you think to much,
you miss the beauty that might lay.

 

[bisKi]

I sat here and cried so many fucking nights,
trying to think of a solution...
anything to make this right,
anything better than this.
-to find something 'perfect'
But I realized that 'it' doesn't exsist,
when you need to try.
so know the feeling. *hugs*