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I can't do it I'm too weak.

I

Ih8mylife

Greenlighter
Joined
Sep 12, 2016
Messages
29
Ive done everything I should have. Exempt methadone or suboxone treatment.

The worst of with drawal is lack of sleep, which is why I started using in the first place.


I can't beat the haunting mental thought screaming at me to use more. I was just short of day two cold, and I got money and couldn't help myself. I'm stuck between really wanted to be dope free then 2 days later my brain says NOW get some now!!!!

I don't know how I'll stop. I have even told my parents and I just can't seem to stop. I am a lot better in a way that I won't just keep doing lines ( never shot up) but I still can't go without it. I was even doing pretty good at tapering but I've made everything I love a trigger I've been on dope doing everything I love and now I can't even play world of warcraft or play my guitar just having the screaming urge to use.

I've noticed that day one is the fucking worst.... day two is a lot better about half way thru? And j cannot deal with my head screaming at me and battling myself.

I feel like j will use then just emo no killing myself m. I have lost all my friends and I am just a failure. I honestly try. I feel like the only way to truly get clean is ti get into prison.


Wtf do I do.

I even went from 1g a day to a minimum of 0.2 a day and it's just impossible.

I'm tired of this. I'm pissed I just scored. I need a fast and easy way k I t in. It built to do this tough shit.

In school they say cocaine and heroin are addicting drugs but they never tell you just how bad heroin is cause when I was a happy person ne and my friends could go on a 3-4 day coke bender and feel just a tad shitty but a day later back to being normal. That's now how it works with opiates.

I feel like this is just going to be my life. Suicide is a key as on my mind.


I know it sounds fucking stupid, weird, and crazy, but I just want to get high and play my guitar and pretend I'm as popular as John Lennon. I know that's weird.

I truly am beginning to hate life.
 
Hold on, catch your breath & tomorrow is another day of cliched platitudes...but seriously, see how you feel tomorrow
 
Buspersons Holiday said:
Hold on, catch your breath & tomorrow is another day of cliched platitudes...but seriously, see how you feel tomorrow
Click to expand...

This is excellent advice.

Since you can't stop on your own can you go to a rehab/detox clinic run by medical professionals? This will separate you from opiates and other drugs, and you will learn tools and coping mechanisms on how to become and stay sober.
 
PriestTheyCalledHim said:
This is excellent advice.

Since you can't stop on your own can you go to a rehab/detox clinic run by medical professionals? This will separate you from opiates and other drugs, and you will learn tools and coping mechanisms on how to become and stay sober.
Click to expand...
He tried but he tested negative for opiates so they can't accept him. (From his other thread)
 
In absolutely NO WAY do I condone using heroin, but for the sake of the people you love and who love you, please do not take your life. Do whatever you need to do to preserve it, because you are invaluable to others even if you don't know it. You are a being that exists within a race that has developed consciousness, creative thought, and now the ability to communicate almost instantly at any distance via internet. How amazing is that? Like Bus said, just breathe man. One day at a time, one hour at a time. If you happen to use, just pick yourself up and start over the next day. I've dealt with addiction too, and it sucks worse than anything. But for the love of God, do not give back the beautiful and precious gift of life that you've been given. You are a soldier! Fight this war with everything you have, even though you may lose a few battles.
 
She is right I can't get into a detox. It's so shit that I keep testing negative for opiates. The physical is nothing compared to the mental B'S


Life may be a gift but I ruined mine.i can't stop
I've tried and tried and I can't stop.

Even the regular hospital said they couldn't do much. It was just wd mixed with a very much unhelpful amount of valium and an extremely small and uncomfortable bed. It was the worst. Life is just the worst. I have myself vèr|y much. I just want to jump from a tall building. I wish I could go back in time. The ms for the support but like I said I fucked uo.agaom be fro this post. Fuck Me man. Sometimes I think I should just do. I don't know how many day ones I have left in me. At least my pain will go away with death
I don't believe in heaven or hell. But if they were real I'm living in hell. It's my fault.
 
I totally disagree, it's not your fault no matter what your mind is telling you. You've been brainwashed into that attitude by haters and fear driven cowards. Life is shitty a lot of the time. There's nothing you can do about that but LOVE yourself. LOVE yourself no matter what. You never asked to be born. You never asked to live in a repressive culture full of haters. Just fucking do your best to LOVE yourself and if you do you'll find it easy to empathise with and LOVE others. Your compassion will grow and grow for everyone including yourself over time and you'll have done, IMO, the only thing you can really do to defend yourself against all the shit that's been flying since forever. Then one day you'll die and that will likely be the end of everything. So while you were waiting for that big event you found a way to enjoy a little of the life you've been forced into. Take care bro. Much LOVE to you.
 
Hey man, are you ok? Please, please don't do anything stupid, I'm in the same boat as you, been smoking gera for nearly 4 months now & it's impossible to stop, kratom helps, I'm waiting on capsules from the states to start my detox, have you tried them yet? I tried the powder & despite tasting rotten it really helped with the cravings, especially the horrible anxiety when I woke in the mornings (I had to take it before bed quite late). Try to keep yourself distracted whilst playing guitar, I'm a player myself & nothing in the world can come in between my music & me. It's 04:18am here in Ireland & I'm debating whether to have another smoke or not. I hate this shit, I can relate to you, it's a killer. I've been suicidal, I've taking numerous amounts of overdoses desperate to kill myself but the agony it would cause my mother even though I rarely see her due to my fucking controlling father would be unbearable. Please don't try anything, I'm here if you wanna chat to or vent to, your friend Rachel :(
 
Cosmic Trigger said:
It's not your fault no matter what your mind is telling you. You've been brainwashed into that attitude. Life is shitty a lot. There's nothing you can do about that but love yourself. Love yourself no matter what. You never asked to be born. You never asked to live in a repressive culture full of haters. Just fucking do your best to love yourself and if you do you'll find it easy to empathise with and love others. Your compassion will grow and grow for everyone including yourself over time and you'll have done, IMO, the only thing you can really do to defend yourself against all the shit that's been flying since forever. Then one day you'll die and that will likely be the end of everything. So while you were waiting for that big event you found a way to enjoy a little of the life you've been forced into. Take care bro. Much love to you.
Click to expand...

Yes! I agree! Sometimes we have to forget about everyone else and put ourselves first if needs be!!!
 
Today is a new day man. Start over. Your life isn't ruined, I promise. You WILL overcome this so never stop trying! Cosmic Trigger is right -- put yourself first right now. It might sound selfish but it's not when it's about your life
 
Go back to the detox place. If they don't accept you, threaten suicide. It has worked to get my friend in immediately when they said they were "full." Worst case scenario you will end up in a psych ward for a short while.

I feel this is somewhat good advice, given the situation. However, I would like feedback from other members before you consider this.
 
One simple and concrete thing you can do is change your internal language. Instead of calling yourself weak, how about 'terrified", "anxious", "bored"? The first word is one that you are using to describe yourself as a person and it is pejorative and a dead end. The other words simply describe states of being that are triggering to you. You have not ruined your life yet (only death would do that). It is hard to change. Go into it knowing that it is a process, full of stops and starts and u-turns and often overwhelming confusion but also some epic moments of clarity. You are doing so many positive things right now--wanting to save your life/self, talking to your parents, reaching out for help. Those are strong actions, not weak. Talk to your self like you would talk to your most loved and trusted friend. Encourage rather than discourage.<3

@6C--threatening suicide is a crap shoot. It could get you great help and services or it could really screw things up. It would get the cops involved for sure where I live.
 
herbavore said:
One simple and concrete thing you can do is change your internal language. Instead of calling yourself weak, how about 'terrified", "anxious", "bored"? The first word is one that you are using to describe yourself as a person and it is pejorative and a dead end. The other words simply describe states of being that are triggering to you. You have not ruined your life yet (only death would do that). It is hard to change. Go into it knowing that it is a process, full of stops and starts and u-turns and often overwhelming confusion but also some epic moments of clarity. You are doing so many positive things right now--wanting to save your life/self, talking to your parents, reaching out for help. Those are strong actions, not weak. Talk to your self like you would talk to your most loved and trusted friend. Encourage rather than discourage.<3

@6C--threatening suicide is a crap shoot. It could get you great help and services or it could really screw things up. It would get the cops involved for sure where I live.
Click to expand...

I appreciate the reply. Maybe it'd be better just saying you feel too unstable to be on your own.

51/50
Basically, a short psych ward stay. I believe you can not be turned down. It's what Steve-O did when he finally got sober.
I'm unsure if the psych ward would be a favorable option for you, but it is an option.
 
I'm the dirtiest uck in the world I have the best parents who want to help it hurts to cop tonight but I'm going away tomorrow
 
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