i am such an idiot

ugh
i had this friend who stopped being friends with me. we were so tight. he was a 45 year old gay man with hiv. i met him at my hookup's. we had like a platonic love affair. he's a makeup artist and a stylist and an artist and does all these amazing things. he treated me better than anyone ever has before. he's said some of the nicest things ever to me.

so anyway he stopped being my friend and didn't bother to explain why. which totally broke my heart.

i tried to make up with him but it was stupid and didn't work out.

i had deleted his number a while ago. today i get this txt from a number i didn't recognize, saying Sup? so i replied, who is this? no answer. for some stupid reason i assumed it might be my former friend, and i txted, if this is so and so, i miss you every single day. this convo continued for a while until suddenly i realized that it's not my friend at all but someone fucking with me.

hi, i'm an idiot. why did i even wake up today? oh yeah that's right, to dole money out. i hate my life so much sometimes. woe is me. i know. so do something about it.

update
yeah and i am still fucking miserable over it. i miss the hell out of him. it's kinda selfish, because i really enjoyed having a friend who does hair and makeup. but i always helped him out in exchange. i thought he would always accept me the way i am. and he didn't. every time i am near where he lives, it makes me want to cry. he is the only person i said 'i love you' in years. and he would say it back. i miss you, Hollis Rhodes. i don't want to have my heart broken but i still love you and miss the fuck outta you.

 

Why not go find your friend to tell him how you feel instead of waiting for him to find you? In the end though, things happen for a reason and if he pushed you away perhaps it was best for both of you.

 

cause i tried once already, even though i don't think i did anything wrong, but it only made things worse.

 

did u ever stop to think maybe his feeling for u may have started to become more and it scared him. if u care about him like u said u do do not stop trying... be relentless. does he have a boyfreind is my next question?

 

did u ever stop to think maybe his feeling for u may have started to become more and it scared him. if u care about him like u said u do do not stop trying... be relentless. does he have a boyfreind is my next question?

he's a gay man, i'm a bi female. he ended a 13 year long relationship just as we first met... but he's definitely gay, our love affair was strictly platonic.