I am quite okay folks (AMA about my strange journey)

[manboychef]

I am sorry about the absence. I have come through some health problems as well as major life changes. I stayed sober throughout. I have good news... I got a week visit with my son recently! It was incredible. I now have a schedule of video chatting with him as well as regular phone calls and the promise of more visits in the future. Me and the former lady are actually trying to get along like two parents.

I have just had a bad relapse of OCD symptoms that have caused me to retreat inward so as not to experience such dramatic intrusive thoughts. It is getting better. If you have an anxiety disorder I can assure you this: Using drugs will only make it worse in the long run. There is real difficult work that must be done. I am finally on meds that work well, as well as in therapy. I find therapy is the hard part. ERP is very masochistic. Meditation helps. I meditate before I have therapy so that I can have a lesser fear response to talking about the things that drive my madness.

Feel free to ask me anything, and I will be posting again.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Glad to hear from you always MBC. It's always nice to hear from you. That is awesome you have had a chance to spend some time with your son! Must have been quite the treat for both of you

 

[jdfisse]

ERP = Exposure and Response Prevention therapy for the forum members that don't have any experience with it. It can feel like torture. I am glad you are meditating brother. I have read some of your past posts and am glad that you have popped back up.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

thanks for explaining what ERP is. I had not heard of it.

MBC: I'm happy you got to see your son, and hope better days are ahead of us all.

 

[spacejunk]

Much love to you Manboy.
Wishing you all the very best, my friend.

 

[simco]

Great to see you back, MBC. Congrats and the positive turn things took with your son. And of course, best, best luck on the challenges!

 

[manboychef]

Thanks folks. Life can get better if we let it. I learned some valuable things about recovery...

I didn't leave my house for a few months there and I was so worried all the time...but I figured something out. I have to challenge my beliefs.

Yeah ERP is nuts. I have lots of harm themes as part of my OCD. I think that something I do or say is going to end up hurting someone or myself in some drastic way. I can envision horrible things happening like dropping a glass and somehow getting my eye gouged out on a shard. The problem with OCD is I cannot stop thinking about it to the point of only using plastic cups as a rule. ERP forces me to challenge those beliefs. I have to use actual glass utensils no matter how bad the thoughts get just to prove to myself that just because something bad could possibly happen chances are they won't. I would say some more about the thoughts...but you might think me crazy .

Yeah seeing my son was excellent. We went to a couple museums. I cooked for him a few times. Its funny. He is so intelligent, but hates school for that very reason just like his old man.

 

[VastEmpty]

MBC -

its so so great to see you back and posting! It sounds like you and your son had a great time. Would you mind telling us what grade he is in? I think that school gets better for people like you and him - you just have to stick with it. When you get into high school and have more control over what classes you are taking, and you have options for advanced placement, that can all help with a little one that is too smart for school! Then in College, that's where those kids shine - so long as their awful experience in their early years with school does not turn them off for good.

Huge kudos for staying sober through this recent issue. I don't think I would have the strength to do that.

- VE

 

[Stickman Roxy]

Great to see you back, Chef!

 

[starting_over]

Nice to hear from you MBC.

I've become a hypochondriac due to my numerous health problems, and I can see a similarity with anxiety and OCD. It's incredible what the brain is capable of.

 

[herbavore]

Hey, MBC!((()))

That is wonderful news about your son. :

Any therapy that helps you to challenge your anxieties and fears is powerful. It is incredible how fear can rule our brains--everything from mild social anxiety to OCD to psychotic paranoia. And yet, when I got to where I was capable of calling the bluff on those fear-based thoughts, I was astounded by how irrational those thoughts usually are. Learning to challenge my own thinking set me on a different course. It's painful for sure, but stick with it because it gets easier with time and practice.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

Thanks folks. Life can get better if we let it. I learned some valuable things about recovery...

I didn't leave my house for a few months there and I was so worried all the time...but I figured something out. I have to challenge my beliefs.

Yeah ERP is nuts. I have lots of harm themes as part of my OCD. I think that something I do or say is going to end up hurting someone or myself in some drastic way. I can envision horrible things happening like dropping a glass and somehow getting my eye gouged out on a shard. The problem with OCD is I cannot stop thinking about it to the point of only using plastic cups as a rule. ERP forces me to challenge those beliefs. I have to use actual glass utensils no matter how bad the thoughts get just to prove to myself that just because something bad could possibly happen chances are they won't. I would say some more about the thoughts...but you might think me crazy .

Yeah seeing my son was excellent. We went to a couple museums. I cooked for him a few times. Its funny. He is so intelligent, but hates school for that very reason just like his old man.

I found that writing out my thoughts, no matter how stupid/awful/ridiculous they seem at the time, can help get it out of my mind. I went back and re-read some of the threads I posted in Words, and realized how thoroughly I was depressed and obsessed with suicide/death. I can tell writing about it helped.

 

[Stargazer]

Hey manboy! I have asked about you. Its Stargazer-I cant sign in that account- so now Im "10" lol. I kind of like it

I, of course damaged my phone since we've talked. and dont have your number If you still have my number and you would feel inclined to-shoot me a text. Im really really happy to hear you're well.