LandsUnknown
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Oct 3, 2014
- Messages
- 1,077
Last night, I drank way fucking too much and I have decided that I have had enough of alcohol once and for all. Anyways, I have acted strange and grumpy while drinking in the past at times but last night, I was acting like a mental patient. My Mom said that my room was a mess, and I lost it on her. She said that she "didn't know if I could get things together" with regard to the way that I keep my stuff (which admittedly is rather sloppy much of the time) and that I rarely seem to get around to cleaning my toilets and all She said something about me possibly "having a disability that prevents me from keeping things clean", perhaps referring to my ADHD which I do actually have and I suppose that the way I live has something to do with it. I used to be worse. When I was in college, I honestly was a borderline hoarder complete with keeping trash in the house and everything, though it wasn't for sentimental reasons but just lack of organization and not bothering to clean anything. But I've gotten better, as living with hundreds of rodents got old pretty quick 8(
Anyways, last night though, I got so offended at her telling me to clean up that I started saying that she was no good and began ranting and raving at her, telling her that she was a sociopath and all sorts of other horrible things. While I was going berserk, I apparently laid down on the floor and told my Mom to "just kick the shit out of me if she doesn't like the way I clean". Obviously, she didn't, but then I lost it and began knocking things over during my tirade. When I knocked over a glass, I then picked up a piece of the broken glass and sliced my palm with it
I do not self-injure or suffer from any kind of mental illness of that nature, yet somehow during my drunken rant, I suddenly was struck with the crazed idea of slicing my palm with a shard of glass. My Mom said something about that she was going to "call the office of mental health on me" if I was going to cut myself. She did not actually see me cut myself, as she was looking at something else at the moment. However, I did and it's quite a nasty gash though I don't think I'll have to go to the doctor or anything.
After I did it, I quickly went to my room as I didn't want her to see me bleeding/bleed all over the floor. It bled pretty bad and took several minutes for me to stop the bleeding by applying pressure with a napkin. Luckily, I also did think to wash it with soap and water, so hopefully it doesn't become infected. I'm sure it will heal up eventually, but it is quite painful and the position of it on my palm is rather annoying since it hurts a bit to open or close my hand. Why I would fucking cut myself is beyond me? That alcohol put me in such a fucked up headspace where I would cut myself with broken glass was the end of the line for me. Then, I proceeded to write my Mom an email ranting and raving and saying rather delusional things and said that I was going to "leave and never speak to her again because she's a sociopath".
This morning, my Mom said that there was "blood all over the wall" and was asking me if I had actually cut myself, which I denied it today. However, unfortunately I don't think I'll be able to hide the wound forever as it's right across my palm. I've also been told that while staggering around during my rant I suddenly fell over and hit my head on the floor pretty hard as well. However, I do not remember this at all. I'm writing this so that just in case the thought of drinking ever crosses my mind again, I'll remember the way I completely lost my shit and that I'm officially done with drinking. I have to say that while I was sick a while back, I wasn't drinking and I didn't fucking miss it. I'm absolutely and officially done with alcohol, permanently. I don't plan on avoiding all substances or anything, just no more alcohol for me. It's just such a dirty, hazy substance for me with no real positive value and seems to have a way of causing me to act like a fucking maniac, which honestly scared the crap out of me when I woke up this morning.
Anyways, last night though, I got so offended at her telling me to clean up that I started saying that she was no good and began ranting and raving at her, telling her that she was a sociopath and all sorts of other horrible things. While I was going berserk, I apparently laid down on the floor and told my Mom to "just kick the shit out of me if she doesn't like the way I clean". Obviously, she didn't, but then I lost it and began knocking things over during my tirade. When I knocked over a glass, I then picked up a piece of the broken glass and sliced my palm with it
I do not self-injure or suffer from any kind of mental illness of that nature, yet somehow during my drunken rant, I suddenly was struck with the crazed idea of slicing my palm with a shard of glass. My Mom said something about that she was going to "call the office of mental health on me" if I was going to cut myself. She did not actually see me cut myself, as she was looking at something else at the moment. However, I did and it's quite a nasty gash though I don't think I'll have to go to the doctor or anything. After I did it, I quickly went to my room as I didn't want her to see me bleeding/bleed all over the floor. It bled pretty bad and took several minutes for me to stop the bleeding by applying pressure with a napkin. Luckily, I also did think to wash it with soap and water, so hopefully it doesn't become infected. I'm sure it will heal up eventually, but it is quite painful and the position of it on my palm is rather annoying since it hurts a bit to open or close my hand. Why I would fucking cut myself is beyond me? That alcohol put me in such a fucked up headspace where I would cut myself with broken glass was the end of the line for me. Then, I proceeded to write my Mom an email ranting and raving and saying rather delusional things and said that I was going to "leave and never speak to her again because she's a sociopath".
This morning, my Mom said that there was "blood all over the wall" and was asking me if I had actually cut myself, which I denied it today. However, unfortunately I don't think I'll be able to hide the wound forever as it's right across my palm. I've also been told that while staggering around during my rant I suddenly fell over and hit my head on the floor pretty hard as well. However, I do not remember this at all. I'm writing this so that just in case the thought of drinking ever crosses my mind again, I'll remember the way I completely lost my shit and that I'm officially done with drinking. I have to say that while I was sick a while back, I wasn't drinking and I didn't fucking miss it. I'm absolutely and officially done with alcohol, permanently. I don't plan on avoiding all substances or anything, just no more alcohol for me. It's just such a dirty, hazy substance for me with no real positive value and seems to have a way of causing me to act like a fucking maniac, which honestly scared the crap out of me when I woke up this morning.
