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Mental Health I am afraid and need help

A

AndrewLiam

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 3, 2015
Messages
43
Hey guys my name is Drew. I believe I deeply need to stop drinking and doing drugs altogether. I flipped out on Thanksgiving and said some really horrible stuff that I will be reliving for the rest of my life, just awful. I feel like the only way to rectify this is by quitting altogether everything drug related. It feels so obtainable but at the same time It feels so easy to mess up and keep on a downward spiral..I completely see death in my future if I keep this up, do you think this is related to alcohol mostly? People around me are saying bipolar and are reluctant to accept an answer or "excuse" that alcohol was the reason for completely changing me into this horrible monster. I really hope I can turn it around, I know I can but it has to be for real this time..glad to be on this forum
 
Could be both.
How addicted to booze are you? You get the DTs? Or just too much too often and act like an asshole? Either way if you really want to quit, you can quit. It might take some professionals and a detox, and maybe even those awful meetings, but it can be done.
If you quit for a year or three then you'll know for sure if it was just the booze or something more.
 
Hey Golem, I am not so addicted to booze but my family is big on alcohol and it's always around on Holidays and most normal days. I actually just quit pot after 6 years of being addicted to it smoking all day, this was about 4 months ago, but in the last year I have been drinking more and having problems with my emotions when on the stuff. I am totally open to going to meetings but I think it would be less scary at first to just try on my own because although I might sound to confident I really believe I can quit on my own especially since I got rid of the weed and because I make an ass out of myself (to put it lightly) when i drink..I really hope my problem is just the booze and i'm not the type that should be drinking because that would be a lot easier...well obvi. hahaha thanks for reply man--Drew
 
Yeah, I can see how your family would react that way if they have booze around all the time. I'm with you on trying to get right on your own first.
Anytime.
 
Hey Drew, I completely fucked myself professionally because of alcohol. I strongly believe in 12 step, but I don't cram it down peoples' throats, but one sentence that's read at every AA meeting is "We will not regret the past, nor wish to shut the door on it." What's done is done. You can't change it, so beating yourself up over it is pointless. The only thing you can do is pick up the pieces and move on. Some people can quit alcohol on their own - my dad did, and he just couldn't understand why I couldn't, butI don't think he had the underlying anxiety and depression that I do. I know if it wasn't for my therapist, psychiatrist and AA, I would crawl right back into a bottle. So if you can stop on your own, more power to you.
 
You got the make a decision. What's your next step?
Try to quit on your own, see a psychologist who specializes in alcohol addiction, seek out some AA meetings, check into rehab, etc.
 
AndrewLiam said:
Hey Golem, I am not so addicted to booze but
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Well then I have good news for you, today is the best time to back away. Reliving an unpleasant holiday for the rest of your life is infinitely better than this BEING the rest of your life. See a doctor now. Make one step and tell us. It does not matter what mental diagnosis you have, bipolar or unipolar or even if you're the one single human on Earth with no mental hangups, adding the single deadliest recreational drug to the equation will not improve your wellbeing or help you handle your life.
 
GolemGolem said:
Yeah, I can see how your family would react that way if they have booze around all the time. I'm with you on trying to get right on your own first.
Anytime.
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Yeah alot of people have the attitude of "alcohol doesnt affect me that way, so it shouldnt affect anyone else that way either", this is just a lack of understanding.
 
Hey Transcendence, I totally get the magnitude of what you're saying...back away now! I get it on a visceral level. it's been about a week since I have drank and honestly do not seem to crave it at all..having self control and not waking up with a cloudy mind dried out eyes and mouth, and often the CRINGE of what I might have said or done is priceless..I do have a hmm no more jack and cokes or beer!? But if it means I have a way better shot at being one of those cool old people who love and have a zest for life and cherish everything then it shouldn't even be a question haha...I thank god I even have a chance to choose the right path

I love the username and thank you for your words:)
 
aihfl I'm so glad you got your life back on track as well as your pops:) I'm feeling strong atm...Thankfully I have not abused alcohol to the point of a bad addiction or withdrawals or god forbid dts, I didn't attend college or dorms and I think that played a role in my delayed and scattered use of booze so I lucked out in that way haha..I'm only 23 so who knows if i'll need more help or the steps later down the line

Thanks for the help peace!

RDP89..Hey dude, I know! my mom is a RN and researcher has been around the world and was trying to say "it could be something else" other than the alcohol because she thought, I guess that I was somehow throwing the blame on something or someone else and I said no just the opposite, it's about me and how alcohol affects me..So i found it frustrating and amusing when I was literally blaming my brain but maybe my mom(and others) feel guilty or defensive because they drink socially and encourage it (to be merry) haha oh well we all have to make the right choices for OURSELVES what the rest of my family does is up to them and I hope they all enjoy..I know I wish I could! haha thanks Man peace

Pretty_Diamonds thanks to you too!
 
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I think it's worth talking to a psych and being evaluated because it could very well be that you're bipolar and that's why alcohol is having a negative affect on your emotions (I'm assuming this wasn't a one time outburst?)
I'm bipolar and considered by most an alcoholic. I say considered because it's a label I struggle with. It's hard for me to really know if the symptoms I was displaying of alcoholism were really mania or the fact I was mixing alcohol with meds I never should have mixed alcohol with or if the problem was the alcohol. I was also a social drinker and trust me, I was very social. So maybe I'm a bipolar alcoholic or maybe I'm just a bipolar who liked to party and one day couldn't hold her booze anymore because it no longer mixed well with mood stabilizers.
If this sounds familiar the problem I started having when I drank was that I would become very emotional, either spilling my guts about childhood trauma and crying for hours or I would become belligerent and angry and combative and borderline violent.
Whereas most nights I was the life of the party type but then my bad nights started getting more frequent as well as black outs.
I eventually did an inpatient rehab and I currently see a psychiatrist and therapist to maintain the bipolar. I abstain from alcohol but I don't attend meetings, I occassionally see a substance abuse therapist that's in the same office as my regular therapist and psychiatrist.
 
Hey Transcendence! I am happy to report that I have not had a drink since I originally posted!!:) I have some days where I think "maybe in blank months, i will be able to have a drink". For the most part though I think I should just stay away as you were saying and consider myself lucky I didn't fall far into the quick sand haha...If anything changes I will keep this thread updated...Thanks again!-Drew
 
Hey Mmp85! Sorry for late reply..I have been told that I may be bipolar in the past and that is the label that i find hard to deal with. I have been addicted to pot before(I know most argue it isn't addictive) but It was almost in the realm of opiate dependence. Now of course few things hold a candle to opiate addiction but when you must smoke all day everyday and can't eat/leave your room/house or be social without weed than i'd say that is addiction,lol. I have read that marijuana psychosis is real and the fact that I never took a break in 6 years makes me feel like that and the alcohol could be the culprit..I also see a shrink now to get over past experiences, so it could be stuff i need to work out and drug use/abuse that is causing the turmoil...I guess I'll know soon if I abstain for say 6 months and have an outburst or anything nutty while I'm completely sober..I hope that is the case but it could be bipolar, the alcohol or both. Thanks for the reply!-Drew
 
AndrewLiam said:
Hey Transcendence! I am happy to report that I have not had a drink since I originally posted!!:) I have some days where I think "maybe in blank months, i will be able to have a drink". For the most part though I think I should just stay away as you were saying and consider myself lucky I didn't fall far into the quick sand haha...If anything changes I will keep this thread updated...Thanks again!-Drew
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:) Nice!
 
That's awesome Drew. Reading that was one of the high points of my day, and I had a pretty good day today.

One thing to keep in mind: with the holidays upon us, things happen. Everyone screws up sobriety (and life in general); if you end up having a drink or something, don't fall into the rationalization trap. "Well I already had two drinks, might as well have six more", or worse yet "Welp I screwed up my sobriety streak, I'll try again in a month or so".

It's easier if you don't keep score and just focus on what's in front of you. The best ball players don't let their mind be distracted by the game. They worry about the next pitch.
 
Hey T, yeah I definitely must keep focused and get through the holidays. I know I'll be so happy when it all goes smooth and I wake up on the 26th! haha. I will take it one day at a time though for sure. I like your point about the ball players, I believe it's like that because I think having a happy Christmas is the most important thing along with my family's happiness, not about my momentary urge to get drunk/high. I'll keep on the ball:) Thanks again and It's awesome with your help and follow up! Happy Holidays!

~Drew
 
Well it's Christmas eve, technically Christmas morning and I still did not buckle! since I originally reached out I have not drank any booze. In terms of difficulty I would say it was certainly very difficult. It's so strange that all of a sudden I can relate to all former drinkers in varying points of sobriety that just can not be around booze filled family/friends/strangers, especially on Christmas eve/day where it is just literally everywhere I look. I get it viscerally. It is tough and there is no way around that. I have a mixed feeling of frustration irritability and optimistic hope which is just so rare of an emotional cocktail for me, haha. Wheww! I did it though, I still have Christmas day and new years but the night before Christmas is really when the heavy drinking is done. I feel hopeful and will keep pushing on for a better year in 16:) Man that was hard but my family is definitely proud, supportive and impressed with my will power which makes me feel even better=) I will keep on

Peace and enormous love ~Drew
 
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