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I’m probably the oldest one here.

I have never once given up nor lost the will to carry on but some events occurred yesterday which genuinely delivered this position. Dangerous because I have genuinely only kept myself magically not just to live through in human situations and challenges but remarkably sustained all of the hard work I have put into maintaining and healing to the point where nothing is irreversible or fully irrecoverable from potentially.
I don't even want to address the devours of consequence. And the purpose of the alignments outside of the boggy dust cloud either for that matter. Not now, really. I hate it because I can. :)<3
 
I don't even want to address the devours of consequence. And the purpose of the alignments outside of the boggy dust cloud either for that matter. Not now, really. I hate it because I can. :)<3
Alao, whatever is at hand.

While it remains an option. Give it time. Things change remarkably.
 
Hey man, Good luck. I don't know if you've ever been to treatment before, but it's a bold step to make to step out of your life 100% to spend significant time there. You seem like you've got a pretty good head on your shoulders in being able to explain exactly your process, the effects it's having on your life, what's missing, what can go wrong, what you're expecting. You still have some good supports on your side too with your wife, and being able to hold work in whatever capacity you're working in whichever capacity they are there. Having these kinds of supports at all does improve peoples outcomes. I hope it goes well for you, and I know it can!

I don't know what form of treatment you're going in for. but @neversickanymore made some allusions to 12 step program like AA and NA that might not be understandable if you don't know this route of action toward recovery. If you "work it" being a saying thay goes around all the rooms pretty much everywhere, they say you'll find your recovery in the rooms. Most programming does have a 12 step component, and a lot of it revolves almost entirely around your participation in these groups. Whatever sort of treatment you find yourself in, just remember that whatever your convictions are toward spirituality and God (steps 1,2,3 give up power, find God "as you understand him". accept God) the people who are there do mean well if helping you on your journey toward sobriety, and even more - a healthy recovery!

I've had my own experiences, and hold my own beliefs and values against 12 steps programming in ways that isn't conducive to relaying any message of hope or recovery to you here, so I won't get into my whole spiel which revolves more around the politics of it than any issue with God or what value there is in what's ultimately a pretty damn good peer support system. That's the thing you might want to make sure of the most, like in anything in life, is that you're in open communications with the people you're around. That's how you will get the most you can in participating in a recovery program. It's by actually participating! Networking is key. Make sure you leave there with some phone numbers and new friends regardless of what that programming is and spend some time creating a follow-up plan to keep growing steady on once you're finished.

Recovery related, or not. Your hobbies, and your where your mind goes with still hands? That will define what happens to you here - in every degree of life you hold solely. There's a lot of things in this world you can do that don't cost a ton of money. People who are running any kind of social gathering (say a hiking group) are usually really happy to have newcomers, and a lot of the recovery programming makes its bread and butter on it, so you shouldn't find yourself too alone at any given point. You've got your home,and your wife who will be hoping against hope for you, I'm sure. If she's frustrated, you understand why right? Nobody wants you dead to some pills, especially your wife.

If you need any assistance from the outset here. You can contact me, or anyone here in the forums. There's plenty of us here who have been through this stage of life already, and a whole array of outcomes between us to advise on. Welcome to Bluelight.
Thank you so much. It really helped. I’ll be posting an update soon.
 
Yeah, this is a case where intentionally getting oneself flagged as a “drugseeker” might actually be helpful. Assuming OP doesn’t have street connections and doesn’t have the will/ability to find them. Which at 72 may be the case.

Hopefully he is letting his doctor know what’s going on. Because going to rehab but then coming home and knowing you have a script that can be filled is a recipe for relapse.

But anyway, best of luck to you, AddMan! If you have already had a heart attack you definitely need to stay away from adderall. I’m sure it will also make your life better in many other ways as well.
Thanks for your support!
 
UPDATE:
Well I actually started researching the possibility of going into a rehab facility. THAT was an eye-opener! I ran into several roadblocks. The cost was a big one! Whew! Now I’ve had some time to think it over, and I decided, I was gonna kick this thing, but I would handle it MY way. Like so many things in my long life, I just have more success going my own way. I know, I’ve failed before. So what’s different this time? OK, Here’s the plan: I already have my usual Adderall script right now, and I’m well into the first week of binging on my 30-day prescription window. I’ll continue the binge for one more week, before I run out of pills. (Like always). At that point I’ll crash for a few days (like I always do). As I come up for air, this time I will be able to ease the anxiety with the help of either gabapentin or Wellbutrin, or both. Never had anything to ease the withdrawal before. My Dr gave me these to help. I also have a couple supplements and stocked up on some critical vitamins. I’ve made arrangements for someone to take over for me at work. And I have very good friends who live at the beach (just a few minutes away. But it’s away). They’ve offered to let me hang out with them for as long as it takes. They will be there too, so I won’t be alone. My wife will visit on the weekends. That’s my plan. No 12-steps, no testimonies, No apologizing to everyone. Thats it. Here goes! Wish me luck!
PS: I’m off the grid. Will check back in 30 days. :)
 
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