Human Traffic script

[DSP-2230]

I know a lot of you think of this film as your bible, so could one kind sole please link me or paste in the script from Human Traffic please?

Want to print it off and post it to a friend whom is currently serving time at her majesty's pleasure as a little humor.

Peace and love

 

[knock]

My tip, if you're serious, is to look for subtitles.

http://www.subtitleseeker.com/search/TITLES/human traffic

http://subscene.com/subtitles/human-traffic/english/652732

No luck I could have looked harder.

 

[Shambles]

A script would break copywrite and thus be against the BLUA. That and the fact I don't have one. Scripts aren't all that commonly released for films as far as I know. Not unless by a big-name writer or maybe if it's a seriously popular cult classic. Can't think of any that fit the latter really. Got a couple of the former (Tarantino - natch). I'm sure there must be exceptions. I very much doubt Human Traffic is amongst them.

Knock: Subtitles/dialogue do not a script make. It's the bits that never made it on screen and the scene descriptions that make them worth reading over and above just watching the film.

 

[knock]

No, you're right, I just don't know where a person would get such a script from, thought it would be the next best thing. I can't say I've read entire scripts to films but I've seen documentaries (e.g. Blade Runner) showing the scripts and they are full of interesting detail. I've also got the scripts to "The Office" but it's not quite the same.

 

[Shambles]

Scripts generally aren't very available cos they're not all that interesting even for fanboys. There are a few exceptions. Tarantino being an obvious one cos he's a very readable writer and lotsa stuff gets cut out of his films even when he directs them. As a rule though scripts for most films are nigh-on impossible to acquire.

Also, I wouldn't say scripts to The Office were not the same. TV scripts may be slightly easier to come by than film scripts but are equally as collectible to fanfolk. Films are just a bit more exciting is all.

 

[RLP]

I'll transcribe yo.

Jip: I'm sexually paranoid.
Nina: That's nice, I can voluntarily perform a fanny fart at all times.
Jip: I'm having a monumental case of Mr Floppy.
Koop: This could turn Hare Krishna into a bad boy.
Moff: I'm making love to the music man and believe me, I can go all night.
Jip: Yeah, we wanna go somewhere else. We're not threatened by squirrels anymore. All our insecurities have evaporated. We're in the clouds now. We're wide open. We're spacemen orbiting the earth. The world looks beautiful from here, man. We're nympholeptics, desiring for the unobtainable. We risk sanity for moments of temporary enlightenment. So many ideas. So little memory. The last thought killed by anticipation of the next. We embrace an overwhelming feeling of love. We flow in unison. We're together. I wish this was real. We want a universal level of togetherness, where we're comfortable with everyone. We're in rhythm. Part of a movement. A movement to escape. We wave goodbye. Ultimately, we just want to be happy. Heh, yeah, hang on, what the fuck was I just talking about? Ken Griffey yeah?
Koop: Are your legs open you filthy little harlot?
Lulu: Is that you koop?
Koop: Oh fuck, shit, sorry Lulu. Yeah, is Nina there please?
Jip: He who daresbury, my son! He who dares!
RLP: Oy, Oy, Oyvind Leonhardsen!
Jeremy Faxman: Every club is different, but in the Asylum it's the manager. He has a string of homeboys dealing the pucker Es to the party people in the club. He makes the most coin out of this enterprise. His homies will make just a couple of quid on each pucker. His homies are also scoping for other dealers on the block. Where the homies have an illegitimate pucker E dealer in their website they tell the bouncers. The bouncers grip him, nab his stash and kick him out with a physical warning. They give the pucker Es to their homies and they sell it on to the kids in the club. What's your name? What have you had? Reach for the lazers. Safe as fuck.

The end.

 

[Shambles]

/squirrel mix

 

[DSP-2230]

A script would break copywrite and thus be against the BLUA. That and the fact I don't have one. Scripts aren't all that commonly released for films as far as I know. Not unless by a big-name writer or maybe if it's a seriously popular cult classic. Can't think of any that fit the latter really. Got a couple of the former (Tarantino - natch). I'm sure there must be exceptions. I very much doubt Human Traffic is amongst them.

Knock: Subtitles/dialogue do not a script make. It's the bits that never made it on screen and the scene descriptions that make them worth reading over and above just watching the film.

The script has been released as a book, and I have a copy of it somewhere. Bought it from The Works ages ago for a quid. So it's out there somewhere. Just hoped someone had a typed up copy I could print off.

 

[DSP-2230]

[Chuckling]
You lucky



lucky people.



Yeah you.
[ Laughs ]



Yes you.



Fuckin' away.



Aren't you?
Fuckin' away.



Like you're late
for evolution or something.



Hmm? Yeah yeah.
Oh yeah. Everyone's at it.



I know.
Everybody's at it except me.



The prince of paranoia.
Yeah.



You see at the moment
I am dealing...



with a monumental case
of Mr. Floppy.



And it's killing me.



Softly. Yeah.
Funny isn't it?



[Jip Narrating ]
Well that's me I'm afraid.
Stressed to the max.



A legend in my own ego.



But if you think I'm fucked up
you should check out my friends.



I can't stop thinking about
my girlfriend fucking other men.



It's doing my nut in.



Every bloke she looks at
I think she fancies.



[Jip Narrating ]
Koop is the best of best mates.



He's an absolute craftsman
man.



We're gonna know each other
for the rest of our lives.



We're both as fucked up
as each other.



You know I love his sincerity.
He's the coolest person I know.



What the fuck am I doing
in this job?



I wanna go to college
but I fucked up the interview.



When they asked me
why philosophy interested me
why didn't I say something like



'' Philosophy is about
the meaning of life'' instead of...



''I've been having serious trouble
trying to work life out



and I'm now prepared to listen
to other people's theories.''



[Jip Narrating ]
Now Nina is Koop's girlfriend.



I've seen her around
the clubs for years.



A complete hedonist
but totally down to earth.



No edge to her at all.
I trust her with my best mate.



Why would I want a man?
They're all emotionally retarded



egotistical pricks
who fuck with your head.



They try to control you
and make you feel like...



the whore of Babylon
if you wear a miniskirt.



I'm an independent girl who wears
lipstick because she wants to



not because men find it
more attractive.



I'm fine being single.
I am!



Peachy fucking creamy.



[Jip Narrating ] This is Lulu.
She's a fullon club minx.



Major head banger.



We've known each other for years.
Some people find her a bit intimidating.



It's purely social camouflage.



Recently we became
clubbing partners.



And that has helped me get to know
the real Lulu. She's a pussycat.



See me? I'm quicker on the draw
than JesseJames my son.



Eh eh?
[ Snickering ]



I'm sending smoke signals Tonto style
you know what I mean?



I wouldn't say no to a girlfriend
you know what I mean?



How nice it would be
to drink the white wine
from the furry cup you know?



I just can't be arsed with
the hassle part of the dating
game do you know what I mean?



I just Having a relationship
just ain't top of the polls
at the moment you know?



I'm having sex with music mate.



And believe me
I can go all night.



[Jip Narrating ]
I met Moff in a warehouse party
last summer.



We've been mates ever since.



He got moved down here when his dad
got promoted to police inspector.



Now Moff is the biggest
pill monster I know.
I love him but he's off his tits.



I swear on my mother's life



I'm having the best time
being off my pickle...



and feeling the music.



You Youyou know
what I mean yeah?



Cushty. I knew you
wouldn't let me down. I knew it.



? ?



Bam bam bam bam



Bam bam bam bam



Bam bam bam bam



Build it up



Tear it down



Build it up



Tear it down



Bam bam bam bam



Bam bam bam bam



Bam bam bam bam bam



Bam bam bam bam



Bam bam bam bam



Bam bam bam bam



Bam bam bam



Bam bam bam bam



Build it up



Tear it down



Build it up



Tear it down



Bam bam bam bam



Bam bam bam bam



[Jip Narrating ]
God's having a laugh man.



He keeps digging up these
social fossils from my past



disguising them
as paying customers
for me to deal with.



[ Girl Giggling ]
Oh my God.



It's Karen Benson.
I don't believe this.



I failed the physical with her.
Oh pleasejust go away.



Fuck! She's coming over.
Oh fuck. I'm starting to shake.



Whoa whoa whoa. Be coolJip.
Nothing happened remember?



Come on. Act like an adult
and be false.



Oh my God. Oh my God.
Here it comes.



Here comes the pain.
Hold tight. Oh my God!



All right?
All right.



[ Cash Register Beeping ]



Why didn't you want sex with me?
I did.



II did want sex with you.



So what was the problem?



I was just terrified
of losing my erection.



He couldn't get it up for the birds!
The birds!



He couldn't get it up for the birds!
The birds!



He must be a fucking queer!



He couldn't get it up
for the birds! The birds!



I'm not gay or anything I



I'm just having
a bit of a head fuck.



So why didn't you say so?
I was a bit embarrassed.



Thanks. Bye.



See ya.



This is the third guy
who's fucked me over in a row.



It's not you Lu.
You're just a fucking arsehole magnet.



[Jip Narrating ]
Lulu didn't enroll for a degree
in social masturbation



but she's getting one anyway.



Take these two. Fucking students
just back from Amsterdam



believing black
is a state of mindyeah?



To finish their Ph.D.
they have to do a practical.



Their subject is Lulu.



Designerpoor
and whiteboydread posse.



Fucking space invaders.



How's it going?
Downhill.



Right cool.



So how was your trip?
Ah well.



The theory of the 'Dam is
yeah life's for living.



So just sit down skin up
be blot. We chilled out
in the redlight district.



Everyone's blazing away
smoking trees of weed.
Word to the ''mummyfucker.''



Our last night there
we were sharing a skunk



chillin' with these two
massive Rastas.



Nobody said a word. We just sat there
for three hours going up in smoke.



Nodding our heads to the dub
reggae that warmed the place.



The base line was so deep
you could feel the
vibrations inJamaica.



Yo what's up?
Hey nice nice.



Any new hiphop man?
Yeah.



Eh I got some smoking
WestCoast flow just landed.
Raw as botulism mate.



Now fuck that West Coast shit.



I want some hardcore
East Coast flavor beat.
You know what I mean?



Well why didn't you say so? Fat beats.
Armageddon on the streets.



We're inundated
with the shit ''bra.''



Eh we had anymore hard core
we'd get arrested
you know what I mean?



Yeah high.



[Jip Narrating ]
Now Koop's on the pulse
but he's a serious vinyl pusher.



Getting the kids hooked
hustling with style.



This... was recorded
by a posse of crackheads
on death row right?



So all them little interludes
of prison noises and that
they're for real.



They call themselves the
Itchy Trigger Finger '' Nigaz.''



The itchy what?
The Itchy Trigger Finger '' Nigaz.''



? 'Cause performing in New York
is amazing ?



? For cops my block ?



? Execute
Prepare electric chair ?



? For the villainous halfway crooked
crime of silliness ?



? The baroness
with the venomous tantrums
of scandalous ?



? Motherfuckers can't handle
Knock 'em like Rambo ?



? Still came with strength
head up for days ?
Yeah!



? Sittin' in this chair
about to die ?



? You get a long time
No lie you can't cry ?



? A lot of things are
running through my mind
Mostly crime ?



? My last request
be one more chance
to stay alive



I'll take that shit man.
That shit is real.



Yeah yeah yeah man. Hey.
Can't be missed. Twenty quid.



Twenty quid?
Yeah man. Eh.



You know like when the price
of artists' work goes up
when they die yeah?



Well the price
of hiphop albums go up when
the gangsters get locked down.



Hey when they get
the chair the price'll
go into orbit mate.



Is it?
Look it's going to be banned.



So I'd nab it now before
some other hiphopjunkie does.
You know what I mean?



Yeah all right.
All right nice.



Nice one. Yeah safe.



All right.



Any new jungle in guy?



I've got the Tarzan and Jane
ofJungle just swung in
on the vine this morning mate.



I'm telling you



this could turn a Hare Krishna
into a bad boy.



? ?



Mmm!Jungle is massive in any place!
Make a disgrace!



[ Man ]
Easy man! Easy!



[ Indistinct Chattering ]



Cardiff massive!
Cardiff massive!



Ai! Ai! Ai!



Bounce to the beat!
Bounce bounce to the beat!



Brutal!



Fucking hell.



Fucking hate this job man.



[ Exhaling ] Fuck.



We spend nine hours a day
five days a week
incarcerated in this...



wanky fucking store...



having to act like...
CPO...



to any twat that wants
to condescend to us.



Do you know what I mean?
We have to brownnose the customers



then we get abused
by some mini fucking Hitler...



who just gives us stick
all day.



What the hell
do you think you're doing...



just standing around
and talking?



If you wanna work
in this firm



then wake up
and get real.



Now tidy up the Tshirts



stack the jeans and put them
in colorcoordinated piles.



Take this
as your final warning!



[ Grunting ]



[Jip Narrating ]
Now I take the corporate cock
shafting like the next person...



because I need to pay the rent.



But if you ask me the Antichrist
has been with us for a long time...



and he means business
big business.



All right Nin?
Yep.



[Jip Narrating ]
Nina's boss is a closet human.



He slides around the shop floor
fueled by the bad sperm
that pours from every orifice.



The Mac job is killing her.



You looking after my meat?
Oh that was funny.



Well I'm a funny guy.
Yeah you should have
your own series.



Come on Nin loosen up. I don't bite.
You sure?



Fuck this!



[ Singing Along With Radio ]
? Cruising down
the boulevard ?



? I'm treated like
some superstar ?



? You know the time
so don't look hard
Get with it ?



? The ultimate homeboy car ?



? All you suckers
in the other rides ?



[ Continues Indistinct ]



[ Ends ]



[Jip Narrating ]
I'm supposed to see my mum tomorrow



but I'm taking ecstasy tonight
so there's no way I can
deal with her on a comedown.



In and out five minutes.
Mum! It's me.



[Jip Narrating ]
I never knew my mum until I was .



I was moved down here
by the state when my father
was locked up for fraud.



Well he was more like
my friend than a father



taking me out on the circuit
bringing me up his wayyou know?



In Cardiffmy mother
had always worked from home



which I always just accepted
when we lived together



but now when I go and see her
it kills me to see
how she gets used man.



It's been routine for her
since she was my age



so she's go no hangups
about it which is cool.



And I know it's not her fault
but I can't handle staying there long.



Especially if she's
with a client.



Hiya love.
Hi Mum. You all right?



Yeah. Aw.



Aw is a nice surprise.
I didn't expect to see you today.



No it's a flying visit.
Um listen I can't make it tomorrow.



I've got to work so I'll pop in Sunday.
Is that all right?



All right. I'll cook dinner.
Cool.



I'm with someone upstairs a minute.
He doesn't take long.



Five minutes okay?
Um I've gotta move Mum.
I've gotta go.



Ohjust five minutes love.
I never get to see you anymore.



All right all right.



Some chocolates
in the cupboard.



[Jip Narrating ]
Yeah. See you in five minutes Mum.



My mum can work through
a lot of men in a day.



Some fall in love with her
send her chocolates. Some get heavy.



I used to hang around just
in case things got out of hand.



Any trouble I'd be there
you know?



But I couldn't do it for long.
I had to leave.



Sometimes I've got to stop
myself from running upstairs...



and beating the living shit
out of the man who's there
with my mum but I never do.



Right this is the score.
Twenty quid for a blow job
fifty quid to fuck her.



Mind you she'll do anything you like
as long as you've got the cash.



She's got all the gearyou know
sussies



opencrotch panties
peephole bra.



Fit tits crackin' arse.
And she'll put on a bit of an act.



Well they call it acting
but she really enjoys it.
Know what I mean?



Fuck off!.
Shut the fuck up!



[Jip Narrating ]
Koop goes to see his dad
every day after work.



He never got over his last breakdown
when Koop's mum left them.



Since then he's invented
his own alternative reality.



His world is split into those on his
side and those on the enemy's side...



who he identifies with
through looks and gestures.



His dad sends and receives
messages telepathically
through TVand satellite



and he's waiting for a sign
that the mission is over
and his life can start again.



Hi Dad.
Oh the cavalry.



I would like
to propose a toast...



to the bird for giving her
Mac job the finger...



and for successfully
gaining unemployment.



What a fucking mistress!



Thank you.
Thank you.



Already feels great to be
part of the two million.



Um looking forward to
sitting on my arse for a bit



having reversed sleeping
patterns and getting into
some hardcoreJerry Springer.



[ Photographers Clamoring ]



[ Laughing ]



[ Dance ]
[ Nina ] Go girl!



Come on sugar!
Show it to me!



Last night a D.J.
saved my life



Check out the booty.



They want you honey.
They want you sugar. Come on.



Listen now. Go girl.
'Cause I was sitting there
bored to death



And in just one breath
he said



You gotta get up
You gotta get off
You gotta get down girl



[ Laughing ]
Last night a D.J.
saved my life



[Jip Narrating ] Koop dreams of being
the world's top club spinner



but he reckons it doesn't matter
how well you can beat mix.



You ain't a D.J.
until you can scratch.



? ?



Puffpuffin'
Puffpuffin'



Pupuff
Puffpuffin'the herb



Herb herb



Herb hhherb



Puffin'the herb
Puffin'the herb



Puffin'the herb
HHerb



HHerb
HHHerb



Puffin'the herb
Puffin'the herb



[Jip Narrating ] But he
can't scratch to save his life.
He just digs the fantasy man.



Go on my son!



[ Cheers Applause ]



So is your brother still
going out with you lot tonight yeah?



Yeah under the wing.



He hasn't indulged before
has he?



No breaking his cherry tonight.



How old is he? Seventeen?
He's gonna do it eventually
so I reckon...



he's better off with me
than mixing with
the wrong crowd you know?



Just keep an eye on him though yeah?
Hmm.



I'm about to be part
of the chemical generation.



Doves playboys biscuits barrels
calis clear caps China whites



rhubarbs looney tunes
New Yorkers.



Bang on it.
Larging it.



The full monty safe as houses
pair of trousers what a laugh
let's do another half.



[Jip Narrating ]
Now Lee is Nina's little brother.



None of us know him but he's gonna
take drugs with us anyway.



His enthusiasm scares me man.
He reminds me of myself...



when I was at the beginning
of my ecstasy honeymoon.



Are your legs open
you filthy little harlot?



Is that you Koop?
Aw fuck! Shit!



Yeah. Sorry Lu.
Is Nina there please?



Sorry.



Hello.
Are your legs open?



Of course.
Then I'll begin.



? ?



[ Rapping ]
? Girl I'm gonna tie you up
and wear the mask ?



? With your strapon cock
fuck me up my ass ?



? Your sexual powers
leave me drained for hours ?



? But I've gotta draw the line
at golden showers ?



? And girl you've got
the sweetest arsehole ?



? It's like a pink quivering
rabbit's nostril ?



? Peace



[ Laughing ]
What are you fucking like?



Superb. Thank you sweetie.



Shit. You got
your party head on for tonight?



More so than Scarface
on a kilo of Charlie Chan.
But Lulu's not coming now.



What? Oh shit.
Why not?



She couldn't get a ticket
and she can't be arsed
because of that twat.



Jip's not gonna be a happy shopper.
Oh fucking hell.



Who'd have a ticket?
If I found one
do you reckon she'd go?



Maybe. IfJip brings her.



Geezer!



Hey! What's happening man?



How's it going?
Are you sorted or what?



Hey you're really cool man.
You're really cool.



Eh I know we've only just met mate
but I think I love you man.



Eh show me love
show me love show me love!



[ Laughs ]
Eh safe as fuck you are aren't you?



I can't fault you
can I brother?



It's like them fucking rookies
back at Spike Island man!
Jip



What?
Listen. Lulu couldn't
get a ticket for tonight.



What?
Shit man. Really?



Do you know anyone
that's got a spare one?
Oh fuck.



Uh I think I think Moff did.



But I'm not sure.
It was a while ago.



Oh shit man.



[Jip Narrating ]
I've got to get Lu out tonight man.



I need to cheer her upyou know?
Get her mind off that twat.



When we hit the clubs together
we're like Bonnie and Clyde
man way out West.



She's the only girl I've ever
felt chilled withyou know



because we've never
fancied each other.



Nothing could ever happen between us.
I don't have to try and impress her...



or worry about
embarrassing silences.



I've gotta get her a ticket
and put a smile back on her face.



[ Phone Ringing ]



Hello?
Hello!



Oh hello.
Listen I hear you
couldn't get a ticket.



Yeah well it's been
a lucky week for me you know?



Well I think that your luck
is gonna change sister



child of the beat because...



if I just reach down here
and dip...



into my '' Uncle Santa Jip
will fix it'' magic box



you will find one freshly cut
and preserved ticket
for tonight's Asylum.



You got one?
Ah yes. Ah yes. I certainly did.



Well I don't knowJip.
The batteries are a bit low you know?



Aw fuck that shit Lu.
Come on.



Come on. Everyone's going.
Come on Lu. Me and you yeah?



Anyway town's gonna be
full of horny men
do you know what I mean?



Fuck it fuck it!
All your best friends
who love you. They love you.



They all want you
to be there yeah?



Come on. We'll go
fucking apeshit.



Me and you. Absolute mayhem.
Come on. We'll take the piss.



Absolute chaos. What are you saying?
Come on. Yeah?



All right! You got me!
I wanna hear you say yes!



Yes! Yes!
Yes! Yes!



Yes!
Yes yes yes yes yes!



See you later babe.
[ Laughs ]



Oh! He who dares wins.
He who dares my son.



[ Phone Ringing ]



Hold on a minute. Hello?



Eh eh eh eh!
How's it going you big
Cockney space case?



Shut it.
Listen did you manage
to sell that ticket...



for tonight's
spiritual gathering?



No mate. No not at all. No.
Ah! Nice one!



Why? Who needs one? Who who?
Lulu.



Oh sweet as. Sweet as mate.
Cool cool.



[ Man ] Matthew!
Oh for fuck's sake.



I'll catch you later mate.
Don't go changing to try
and please me all right?



Yeah nice one ''bruv.'' Yeah.
Oh nice one brother.



Nice one brother!
Nice one brother!



I said nice bruv!



Nice one brother!
I said nice bruv!



Fucking nice one brother!
Nice one bruv



Brother!
Fuck off!.



Come on!
[Jip Narrating ]
The weekend has landed.



All that exists now is clubs
drugs pubs and parties.



I've got hours
off from the world man.



I'm gonna blow steam out of
my head like a screaming kettle.



I'm gonna talk codshit
to strangers all night.



I'm gonna lose the plot
on the dance floor.



The free radicals inside me
are freaking man.



Tonight I'm Jip Travolta.
I'm Peter Popper.



I'm going to Never Never Land
with my chosen family man.



We're gonna get more spaced out
than Neil Armstrong ever did.



Anything could happen tonight
you know? This could be
the best night of my life.



I've got quid
in my back burner.



I'm gonna wax the lot man.
The Milky Bars are on me! Yeah!



Calling all the crusaders
to the dance floor in greenlight mode.



[ Shouts ]
Disco queens



club casualties come on!



Let's join forces!
Let's hoof it! Ah!



[ Indistinct Rap Song ]



[ Chuckling ]



[Jip Narrating ]
But first a daily injection of
the late prophet Bill Hicks...



just to remind me
not to take life too seriously.



[ Hicks ] It's not
a very popular idea.



You don't hear it very often anymore
but it's the truth.



I have taken drugs before
and uh



I had a real good time.
[ Laughter]



Didn't murder anybody
didn't rob anybody
didn't rape anybody



didn't beat anybody
didn't lose um one fucking job.



[ Laughter]
Laughed my ass off...



and went about my day.



[ Applause Cheering ]



Sorry.



[ Man ] Live and direct
from the world famous studios



of Radio One here
the Essential Selection



all go to make up the golden
thing we call the weekend
Come on!



[ Laughing ]



Who the fuck do you think
you are you twat?



Why don't you come through
the door like everyone else?



Because I'm not
everybody else fool.



Don't make me prove
my masculinity to you now
do you know what I mean?



Masculinity what?
Testosterone's flowing bro eh?



Violence is inevitable mate.
Oh I smells a glassin'
in the air boys is it?



Glassing is it? Fuck you!
Fuck you! Fuck you!



[ Shouting Indistinct ]



[ Together]
As a fit old man!



[ Laughing ]
[ Laughing ] Come on!



Hey mate.
Mateyou seen Taxi Driver?



Yeah.
Yeah?



Hey mate can you relate
to it sort of thing?



Yeah.
Yeah? Fuck.



Do you understand?
You could be Cardiff's answer
to Travis Bickel



on a timer
waiting to explode.



Can you fucking believe that?
I mean can you imagine doing that?



Imagine doing a Travis.
I mean fucking hell!



See me I'd have to take
a celebrity with me.



Someone like um
What's his name? Uh er uh



What's his name?
Uh British pop throb.



You know? Built like
a brick shithouse he is.



Uh ugly fuck.
Peter Andre. Peter Andre yeah.



I couldn't just
shoot him first though mate.



You're having a laugh isn't you?
[ Laughs ]



Oh no. That's be like
having the cream cake whole
without it touching the sides.



You know what I mean?



I believe it would be quite rude
not to torture him first.



Do you know what I mean
though mate do ya?



Thumbscrews instantly spring to mind.
[ Snickering ]



You know followed by an intense session
of electrodes on the testicles.



Yeah yeah a fucking
uh uh a wire coat hanger
down theJap's eyes.



Do you know what I mean?
Really fucking hurt the geezer
do you know what I mean?



And finally
a bullet between the eyes.



And it's time to say hello
to the to the horned man...



you've been working on Earth
for all this time Pete!



See you later on Pete!
No one gives a fuck about you!



[ Imitates Shotgun ]
Fucking hell mate.



Right.
Here here.



Fucking good film though.
mate isn't it eh? God!



[Jip Narrating ]
Friday night's ceremony is always...



to hook up in a bar
and wind up the weekend.



We've all got to try and get
on the same level together...



so we feel like a unit
when we hit the club.



The music we love brought us together
and so did the music we hate.



The Spice Girls.
Boyzone.



Dannii Minogue.
Aqua.



Ricky fuckin' Martin.
The Backstreet Boys.



Uh .
Hanson.



What gets me right is that
these talentless wankers...



have the opportunity
to reach an international
audience right



say something profound
instead of



? Oh baby I'm all alone
on the phone ?



? I'm years old
with a broken heart



Fucking cheese
on toast bollocks.



Fucking embarrassing mate
isn't it?



Embarrassing to watch the
little fucking hussy fuckers.



[Jip Narrating ]
She's funny she's cool she's gorgeous.



Oh shit I fancy her man.



No I can't.
She's my mate.



I am out of my nuts.
I'm telling you we're in for
one fucking night mate.



Believe me.
I'm telling you.



You fucking stick with me.
I'll look after you.



I'll tell you that nowyou've
never buzzed like you ever
buzz with me. Do you hear me?



[ Lee Narrating ]
Oh I thought I was just
gonna drop and have a laugh.



What's all this shit
about mind altering?
What's gonna happen to me?



We believe that ecstasy
causes serotonin depletion...



and may lead to depression
in later life.



[Jip ] Yeah all right Doc. Yeah.
Fair enough. But on the flip side Lee



you'll feel an overwhelming
sense of empathy with people.



You'll be able to be intimate
with your friends



talk about things that you never
felt comfortable enough to say before.



Overheating
when dancing on ecstasy...



increases heart rate
and palpitations...



and can cause heatstroke
resulting in death.



Statistically
you're more likely to die...



from choking on a cabbage leaf
or an argument in a pub...



than you are
from dropping an ''E. ''



Alcohol kills people
a year alone in Britain.



But that's all right because
that's a good taxable drug
nonetheless isn't it?



Your penis will shrivel up and
you won't be able to get an erection.



[ Bell Tolling ]



Yeah.
[Jip Narrating ] I met Felix
a friend of a friend years ago.



Since then I'm constantly
bumping into the cunt.



Anyway it's good
seeing you again man.
Yeah yeah. Take care.



See you in the club later on yeah?
Yeah yeah okay.



Nice one nice one. See ya.
Cheers. Cheers.



See ya. See ya.



Fucking hell man.



If we'd have been
more honest with each other



that conversation would have
gone a bit more like this.



Fucking shame we had
eye contact when I walked in.
Yeah.



Yeah I know. Every time
we bump into each other



we kinda fall into
this groove of pretending
that we like each other.



I don't dislike anything
about you but I just don't
like anything about you either.



Yeah. Together we kinda surf the waves
of social paranoia don't we?



No uncomfortable silences
as yet.



Yeah well not as yet
but you know our luck's
not gonna last forever is it?



Maybe it's time
for your Houdini impression.
What do you reckon?



Yeah all right man.
Uh I'm gonna get
a drink from the bar.



Yeah and you're with friends.
And I'll see you later.



That's the one.
Let's pretend we didn't
see each other next time yeah?



Absolutely crucifying
as always mate.
Yeah whatever.



Uh look forward to seeing you.
Yeah like an illness.



Don't get run over. Die.
Okay. Die.



Wanker!
Wanker!



Friday night
after the club yeah?



I got a hardon
so I ring one of them porn lines.



Hello?



Yeah. My name's... Bob.



I'm from uh
from West West London area.
What color drawers you got on?



I'm buzzing my tits off
yeah? I'm fucked.



I end up going off on these
on these tangents...



about me life and me aspirations
and shit like that you know?



It's like
what are you doing?



Yeah I'm a
a bbusiness interpret Um



UlUltra I'm an ultrapren
'' Ultrapreneur.''



Have you got brown nipples
or just like



What? You wear all What
you wear all black nail polish
and that do ya? Fuck.



Next thing I know
the old man's hitting me with



''Who the hell you been
ringing in Taiwan boy?''



Who the hell
you been calling in Taiwan?
Taiwan?



That's what he said.
Fucking hell.



Listen fucking quid.



Fucking hell!
I'm fucking telling you man.
quid.



Believe it.
Fucking hell Moff.



Fuck! [ Laughing ]



Fair play mate fair play.
That is the most expensive
wank I've ever heard of.



Fuck's sake keep it down will ya?
Sorry sorry.



Sorry.
Fucking hell. Listen listen right.



What really took the piss was
she was more Cockney than me.



Now can you fucking believe thatJip?
Do you know what I mean?



Listen now the old cunt's
giving it



Yeah I know you're sorry.
Yeah you will be sorry...



'cause if in seven days you
don't pay it off I'm gonna
chuck you out all right?



That's nice Dad.
That is so nice.



You lie in bed all fucking day.
You haven't had a job for over a year.



You don't have a girlfriend.
You're throwing your life away boy!



And chucking me out
on the street that's just what
I need at the moment isn't it?



Don't give me that bollocks
about you're gonna throw me out
'cause it ain't even your house.



Ain't even my house?
Well it won't be your house
in a fucking week.



No?
You're years of age
for fuck's sake.



You really don't understand
at all do you eh?



I haven't got one friend
that actually enjoys their job.



Each one counts down
the days till Friday.



Dad I'm not ready
to become that miserable.



Matthew!
Life's hard enough for fuck's sake.



I'm still researching.
Everyone's gotta work Matthew.



Don't you understand?
I'm unemployed full time.



I ain't got enough hours
in the fucking day.
'' Hours in the fucking day''?



You ain't even here in the fucking day.
And take this with you and all



you fucking little
Yeah? Bollocks!



I mean how many times have I told you?
Get your own fucking flat.



Get your own flat.
You need your own flat man. Seriously.



It's a piece of piss.
You can get it on the welfare.



Where am I gonna go
for fuck's sake?



Fuck. I don't know.
What the fuck do you care?



As long as it's got a fucking phone
line it's all right isn't it?



Fuck off you cunt.



[Jip Narrating ] I can't fucking relax.
Glad to see I'm not alone.



I really want to lose my inhibitions.
You know be able to talk to strangers.



Break the ice.
But I can't be arsed either.



I don't need this stress
on my night off.



Britain chill the fuck out
and then show me how to do it.



I think it's time
for a new national anthem.



You know?
One I can relate to.



[Jip Narrating ]
Yeah well maybe not.



[Jip ] No no Moff Moff. This is not
funny man. Don't fuck about.



Look I Look I just don't understand.
II had it in here. I had it in here.



Have you left it
in the pub?



No I didn't take me wallet out once.
I was paying with shrapnel in there.
That's why



All right. Well maybe
there are tickets on the door.



No way. No way.
Not tonight.



This is not gonna happen man.
No way is this gonna happen.



Okay what's the What's the owner
of this club called?



Peter.
No it's not Peter.
It's a Spanish name. Pablo.



Pablo Hassan.
No way mate.



Pablo Hassan.
No mate. Don't even think about it.



No sweetheart. You can't.
No seriously right?



Ten minutes. If I'm not
back here in ten minutes
I'll see you in there right?



Ten minutes it's all right.
Jip.



Excuse me mate.
What?



I'm from Mix mag.
Got an appointment with Mr. Hassan.



Jip sweetheart no.
It's not worth it.
Go on my son. Go on my son.



I'm a bit late mate.
Do you know what I mean?
Whoa.



Oh no. It's not worth it man.
Have a bit of faith.



I've got an appointment with your boss.
Can I go in please?



Pablo Hassan.
Listen to me. This geezer's
never let me down yet.



I'm telling you now.
He's not gonna get in.



Doesn't fuck about does he?



[Jip Narrating ]
Jip what the fuck are you doing man?



This is Pablo Hassan.
A complete schizophrenic cokehead.



If he reckons you're fucking
with him his boys are gonna
fucking maim you man.



Ah but he likes to think himself
as a bit of a businessmanyeah?



Yeah. And I came here
to do business.



Hiya. Pablo Hassan?
Tony Trueman. Sorry I'm late.



I don't know anything about this man.
No?



No.
[ Exhales ]



Oh uh My secretary
phoned here yesterday afternoon.



She um She spoke
to someone here arranged
a meeting for tonight. .



It's all news to me man.
[ Sighing ]
Oh God. Don't believe this.



Well basically what it is
Mix mag yeah have done
a survey of Welsh clubs.



The Asylum has been voted
the best club atmosphere
in the whole of Wales.



Nice one.
[Jip Narrating ] He's going for it.



Yeah. We're gonna do a
a doublepage spread.



I interview yourself
obviously resident D.J.'s



uh some of the clubbers
shoot everything.



[Jip Narrating ]
Jipyou're overdoing it man.
You wanna do it now yeah?



[Jip Narrating ] Don't blow it.
Well



Well you see that's the only problem.
You're not gonna believe this.



Just got down here from London right?
And I've just found out...



my photographer was involved
in a fucking car crash
on the way here tonight man.



[Jip Narrating ]
What am I talking about?
It's nothing serious it's



It just means
we can't do it tonight.
You mean to tell me...



you drove all the way down here
from London just so you can't
give an interview?



[Jip Narrating ]
It's all overJip. You fucked it up.



[ Chuckling ]
I know. It's



For fuck's sake.
I'm sorry about this mate.



Can I use your phone?
Someone's made a big fuck up here.



I wanna talk to my secretary
to sort this out. Cheers.



Come on come on.



Carmel. Yeah it's me.
Yeah I'm in Wales.



Listen what the fuck's going on?
I'm with Pablo Hassan now. It's



Yeah all right. Yeah all right.
I don't wanna hear it.



Listen has Danny Rampling
confirmed his set tomorrow night
at the ministry?



Danny who love?
He did. Okay. All right.



Cheers Carmel.
Oh have you heard any more
about Scott's accident?



What accident?
Yeah okay. All right. See you later.



[ Dial Tone ]



Dizzy bitch.
Cheers mate. Uh



I can't do tomorrow night. Uh



Next Friday night?
Is that all right with you?
Yeah we'll go for that.



Nice one.
Sorry about the fuck up tonight mate.
I promise we'll get it right next time.



All right Tony.
All right.
I'll see you next Friday mate.



[Jip Narrating ]
He who dares my son. He who dares.



Nice one mate. Nice one.



[ Dance ]



[ Lee Narrating ] Wonder how
the drug system works in here.



Every club is different
but in the Asylum it's the manager.



He has a string of homeboys
dealing the pukka E's
to the party people in the club.



He makes the most coin
out of this enterprise.



His homies will make
just a couple of quid on each pukka.



His homies are also scoping
for other dealers on the block.



When the homies have
an illegitimate pukka '' E''
dealer in their website



they tell the bouncers.



The bouncers grip him
nab his stash and kick him out
with a physical warning.



Gives the pukka E's to
their homies and they knock out
to the kids in the club.



What's your name?
What have you had?



Reach for the lasers.
Safe as fuck.



[ Crowd Cheering ]



[ Women Shouting ]
HiJerry! We came all the way
from Cardiff to say hi!



[ Woman ] Excuse me girls.
Hi we're doing a documentary...



for television
on the British club culture.



Would you mind
answering a few question?
Yeah fire away.



Ah great. Okay Eric? Okay.



Um can I start by asking
why you come to these nights?



Oh I'd like to answer
that one if I may.



Sure. Go ahead.



To get absolutely trashed.



Do you take ecstasy?
No no. Well we used to



but now we just jack up heroin
and float around the club.



You take heroin
to come to the club?



Yeah well we never
used to but then we saw
Trainspotting didn't we?



And that just
made us want to do it.



And sometimes if we watch
NewJack City before we go out
we smoke a bit of crack too.



We just seem to be
so impressionable.



Well it's the youth
of today you see.



They need older people
to show them how to live.



Yeah. See we learn
from their mistakes because
they've done it all before.



Yeah. Look atJimi Hendrix.
And Elvis.



And Sting.
Sting's not dead yet.



No but he should be. [ Laughing ]
[ Laughing ]



Oh uh sorry.
Do you have the time?



Umyeah
it's quarter to .



Oh shit. We've gotta go.
We're late for our next hit.



Hi Mom!
Hi Mom!



Right. I'm gonna tell you something.



If this ever spreads
I will fucking die right?



I know you won't.
I know I know but
I'm just saying. Yeah?



Okay. Are you ready?
Yeah.



Are you sure?
Yeah.



All right.
[Jip Narrating ] You're gonna
regret this in the morningJip.



I am sexually paranoid.



I'm sexually paranoid.
I'm sexually paranoid.



Welcome to the 'sJip.



Seriously. Sorry. Go on.



Well I kiss girls and all yeah?
And it's fine.



And as soon as I sense
that they want sex



I just make my fucking excuses
and I'm out of there man.



I know. It's pathetic.
I know it is.
No no.



Everything happens
for a reasonJip.



Yeah but this is not me Lu.
Do you know what I This is not me.



Give me an example.



An example?
Mmhmm.



All right. Uh



What had you been doing?



Well I was stoned.
Absolutely stoned out me trumpet man.



You just do not look
like you're enjoying this at all.
I know I know.



Listen to this listen to this.
[ Thinking ]
She's more experienced than you.



She's gonna see your cock soon.
Say she's disappointed.
Stop thinking this shit!



Come on. You're gonna
fuck the arse off her.
She's gonna love it.



Say if you lose it during sex.
I bet she's had some
amazing shags in her time.



Oh shut up shut up!
Oh no. Fuck. Oh it's going down.



Oh God please
please do me this solid.
[ Yelling ]



[ Laughing ]
Listen to this listen to this.



What's wrong?
Nothing.



Are you okay?



Yeah yeah.
I'm I'm fine. Uh.



Just a bit tired
that's all. Sorry.



I've never had that
happen to me before.
She's making it worse man!



It was my fault. If it wasn't
for the way my head was thinking



everything would've been fine.



That is bollocks.
We're not fucking robots.
There's no rules to sex.



I've gotta get up in the morning.
I'd better go okay?



Um okay.



[ Chuckling ]
Oh no.



Now she's paranoid.
She thinks it's to do with her.



Yeah.
Yeah. I'll I'll
give you a call yeah?



Bye.



All I could think was



Fuck me.
I'm impotent.



[ Chuckling ] Poor baby.



Come here.



[Jip Narrating ]
The present has gone.



Fantasy is a part of reality



and we take the brakes off.



We're thinking clearly
yet not thinking at all.



And this feels right.



We stop trying
to control things.



Warm rush of chemicals
through us.



We're fluctuating.



Is this brain damage?



We forget all the pain
and the hurt in life.
We wanna go somewhere else.



We're not threatened
by people anymore.



All our insecurities
have evaporated.



We're in the clouds now.
We're wide open.



We're spacemen
orbiting the Earth.



Yeah the world
looks beautiful from here man.



We're nympholeptics
desiring for the unobtainable.



We risk sanity for moments
of temporary enlightenment.



So many ideas.
So little memory.



The last thought killed
by anticipation of the next.



We embrace an overwhelming
feeling of love.



We flow in unison.
We're together.



I wish this was real.



We want a universal
level of togetherness...



where we're comfortable
with everyone.



We're in rhythm.
Part of a movement.



A movement to escape.
We wave goodbye.



Ultimately
we just wanna be happy.



Yeah. Yeah.



[ Chuckles ]
Hang on.



What what the fuck
was I just talking about?



[ Laughing ]



[Jip Narrating ]
Koop is having severe trouble
adjusting to the love boat man.



He gets jealous of men
even looking at Nina.



You know he feels threatened
by any bloke that speaks to her.



Nina knows a lot of people.
I mean she's a really
affectionate character.



But she's fallen for Koop
in a big way.



He's so fucking lucky man.
I'd do anything to have what he's got.



But he's stupidyou know?
He's fucking it up with his male ego.



He gets paranoid
with everyone man.



Shit he even gets it
with his mates.



[ Thinking ]
You wanna fuck her don't you?



No.
Don't fucking lie to me.



You've been staring at her arse
for the last ten minutes.



Yeah all right. Fair play Koop.
But fuck me she's horny as fuck.



I mean I ain't gonna do nothing am I?
She's your bird for fuck's sake.



Yeah that's right.
She's my bird. My fucking bird.



Do you understand that?
So stop looking at her.



You can't stop me
looking at her Koop.
How dare you...



imagine fancying Nina
you cunt Moff!.



Hold up a minute. Hold up.



What are you the fucking
thought police or something?
What this what?



Listen Moff you can look at
any other girl in here.



Pick 'em. There's plenty
to choose from.Just not her.



Yeah Koop.
I'm with you % mate.



But I mean
how do I know the next bird
ain't gonna have a bloke?



No no fuck that Moff.
Fuck it!



Because it wouldn't matter to
you anyway. You'd still imagine
fucking her wouldn't you?



Yeah. Do you know why you know
the answer to that Koop?



Why do I know that Moff?.
Why do I know?



Because you're just the same
as the rest of us mate.



So babe was it
fucking proper or what?
I had a shit hot time.



Listen there's a party
happening in Super Ely all right?



Yeah I know.
I'm going with my mates.
What mates?



My mates.
Nice one Lee. I'll see you
in the wheels all right man?



True man.
Nice nice.



I'll see you in a bit yeah?
Yeah.



Who the fuck
are those dodgy fuckers?



Lee?



[ Coughing ]
[ Laughing ]



Your mother! Your mother!
You bumberclot!



Shine on



Let the light of love
grow stronger



Shine on



You're the sun in my heart



[ Continues Indistinct ]
Fuckin' hell mate. It's like
a fucking video game this.



Fucking lights and shit everywhere.
[ Laughs ]



Whoo!



Yeah yeah yeah!
I know you gonna dig this!



Oh yeah baby.
Come on come on.



Come on!
[ Indistinct Chattering Shouting ]



Now I'm gonna take you on a guided tour
of the club casualties.



So come on!
Right! Let's do it!



We're all getting
laid tonight!



Oh! Oh!



Fuckin' hell.
It's Dynasty!



[ Dance ]



All right babe?
What the fuck you doing to me?



What are you talking about?
Talking to that bloke in the club.



You kept on touching his chest.
Did I? Who?



You fucking know who.



Right in front of me as well.



You know it scares me
to imagine what you're like
when I'm not around.



Yeah this all sounds
a bit familiar really
doesn't it lovely?



Yeah well how about a little bit
of consideration eh?



I don't want you talking
like that with other boys.
It affects me.



Look Koop I really can't
be pissed with this one again tonight.



I haven't done anything wrong.
You're just being paranoid.



Sort it out
for fuck's sake.



Would you like it
Would you like it if I
was flirting with a girl...



while I kept on
touching her chest would you?



Only if she had better tits than me.
No fuck off Nin.



Don't give me that shit.



You always
You always



You're always touching people
aren't you?



But that doesn't mean to say
I'm flirting with anyone
for fuck's sake!



I don't know how much more
reassurance I can give you.



What do I have to do?



Don't you trust me?



Answer me!
Don't you trust me Koop?



[ Scoffs ]



Yeah man Star Wars
is definitely about drug culture man.



There's no fucking question.
It has to be man.



You're telling me And.
You're telling me.



I mean what was Jabba smoking
in that big glass pipe?



Come on! What are we thick?
You know what I mean?



It was fucking opium.
Of course it was opium!
You know it was!



You see his tongue man?
And that fucking tail!



Listen listen
Han Solo yeah?



He's got a smuggling compartment
in the Millennium Falcon isn't he?



He's only an intergalactic
smack dealer isn't he?



Fucking gets up there!



Listen Yoda man as well. He's been
coming down for about years.



Of course he is yeah yeah yeah.
He's fucked the poor bastard.



He's used to be you know
really tall and handsome
but you know you know



What like Chewbacca?
Yeah.



[ Trilling ]
[ Howling ] Can't do it.
You know what I mean.



Now he's fucking
Now he's like two foot high...
Yeah.



and and fucking pointed tabs
white hair and hooves.
Hooves.



That's what I was gonna say.
The fucking hooves man.
What a comedown.



What about the emperor?
The fucking emperor.



The king crackhead
of the galaxy yeah?



He's got so much
fucking hard cash...



from selling crack
to space junkies yeah?



He's only gone and built his own planet
you know what I mean?



On drug money.
The fucking Death Star.



The Death Star!
And he's sat in there
going like



''Come on more power!
More power!''



It's like you know
and Yoda's like
Yeah yeah.



And he's in
chilledout land.



Yeah be suited and all that.
Be creative yeah.



What was I talking about?



Huh?
What was I talking about?



Whatjust now?
Yeah.



Your dad.
Oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah.



Yeah well
tell you what mate.



Thing about my old boy is is that
I love him and that.



He's always been there
for me and...



always spoke to me on my level
and that when I was a kid yeah



but I'll tell you what.



I'm really worried about him.
You're worried about him?



Yeah.
Why man?



Why?



He thinks
I'm two identical twins...



pretending to be
the same person.



Keeps calling me Leon.



[ Sighs ] Fucking hell.



Yeah mate.
And I'll tell you what.



He's getting worse
in there as well.



Those drugs they're giving him
they're fucking his head up mate.



Fuck.



So what he thinks
you're two people?
Yeah.



Fuck.
Yeah.



Fair play man.
That's pretty west isn't it?



Yeah but you know sanity man
how do you define that?



You know how do you
define sanity you know?



You know who's to to say that
you know the people that



you know supposed to be mad
you know



who's to say that they're you know
just not tapped into...



a higher sensory perception
or something you know?
Hmm. Mmm.



Into you know
a different kind of universe
they're way ahead you know?



You know?
And we just haven't caught up yet.
Ah.



Listen to this.



The emperor wants to control
outer space.



Yoda wants to explore
inner space.



That's the fundamental difference
between the good and the bad sides...



of the Force.



Shit. Shit.
You know what I mean? Fuck!



Fuck's sake man!
I just don't know where it
comes from sometimes And.



Do you know what I mean?
It frightens me.



There's not a problem
that I can't fix 'cause
I can do it in the mix



And if your man gives you
troublejust you move out
on the double



And you don't let it
trouble your brain



'Cause away goes trouble
down the drain



Said away goes trouble
down the drain



I want E.T.'s to abduct me
from planet Cardiff.



Come on you fuckers! Let's go!
[ Laughing ]



You can't blame them
for not coming though.



I mean they've only gotta
fucking check out the News...



and check out all the murders
and diseases and wars.



The monarchy.



[ Both Laughing ]



Ohh.



Take me to a world
where the drugs are free



the clubs have no gravity



and every shag
guarantees an orgasm!



Yes! Two orgasms!



Yes!
Yeah!



He's a genius um Socrates.



Oh yeah yeah yeah.
Yeah yeah?
And he's given it all that.



And they're going
''What? What Socrates?



Man you're off your tit!
What are you talking about?''



You know they fucking thought
he was mad you know.



And this guy you know he he sped up
evolution of mankind you know?



He fuckin' you know
He was a genius this guy.



They thought he was crazy.
You know what I mean?



I mean they lock
these people up right?



But you know they should
let 'em out man.



They should fuckin' put these people
in Parliament and that.



You know what I mean?
Fucking put them in Parliament.



You know they're talking sense
these people.



Put your dad on that
fucking chair in Parliament
and listen to that man!



You know? Deal with that!
Yeah man!



You know what I mean?
Yeah!



Fuckin' mad. Bollocks.
I mean you know



we're not in hospital and that
but we're not normal are we?



Look. Are we fuck.



[ Laughing ]



Oh my God look at your eyes.
Look at yours.



You're fucked.
You're sl Look at that!



Oh my God!
I'm fucked.



Oh my God! Oh my no!
You're fucked!



You're fucked!
You're so fucked!



No no. Oh you're
And look at me.



No I'm all right.
I'm all right.



I'm looking fine. I feel fine.
Yeah.



Little bit tired I'm all right.
Yeah well



Morning. Morning!
Morning.



Morning. Nurse.
[ Whistling ]



Nurse!
I need a piss pot.



I need a piss pot and a pan.
And a And a brush.



And a brush and a doctor.
And some HaagenDazs.



And some [ Laughs ]
And a And a ho!



Fuck it! Bring me a ho!
Bring me all that shit!



We gonna eat tonight!
I need a normal doctor
'cause I'm fucked!



I'm fucked.
[ Laughs ]



[ Door Opens ]



Now we've reached
the hour of spliff politics.



It's the time of the night
when everyone knows
who's got a spliff...



and in which direction
it's going.



See Casey in the hood?



He doesn't know Herbie
the kid skinning up next to him.



But to get a toke he's got to start up
some bullshit conversation



and keep it going until
he gets passed the spliff.



Smells like soap bar to me.
Can't fault a bit of solid.



Now look at Herbie's face.



He knows what's up. He's just hoping
Casey will run out of steam...



so that he can pass the spliff
to his mate Felix.



But Casey's determined
to keep on going.



I grows my own shit too.
[ Marks ] He's got to be
clever to get in there.



Just a few more laps to go.



Casey is doing well.
He's using all his best anecdotes



and Herbie now seems quite engaged
in the conversation.



Felix is trying to get acknowledged.
Yeah man.



Fuckin' homegrown.



Yeah man that homegrown shit's
good man.



But it's not working.
Ah I just remembered man.



Millsy's coming down
next week with some Thai.
Go out and hoof it man.



Now it looks like it's all been
a waste of time and energy.



Millsy? Millsy from Roath?
Yeah.



But he counters.
Oh I knows Millsy
from down Silhouettes.



It's neck and neck here
at the last lap.



Hello my little space kitten.
Fuckin' hell!



Give us a toke on that.
Boomshanka!



An interception!



But that's always
the chance you take.



[ Door Closes ]



[ Lulu ] Round and round the garden
like a teddy bear.



[Jip Chuckles ]
Who's your teddy bear?



One step two steps
Don't tickle me don't tickle me.



Seriously.
I'm not going to.



I'm not gonna tickle you.
I promise.



Come here.
Where's your hand going?



I'm not gonna tickle you.
I promise.



[ Thinking ]
Please kiss me. Come on.



[ Thinking ] I don't know
whether I'm reading this wrongly
because I'm off my tits



but does she want me
to kiss her?



I'm gonna have to make
the first move.



He's probably
more nervous than I am.



I want to but I'm scared.



If I've got this wrong
it will be so humiliating.



You know it's like
Vader man you know.



Bongin' really hard
with a chest like that.



And um RD when
when he's



Remember that
when uh



You know
Fuck it.



You're a waste of time.
[ Dialogue Rewinds ]



Jipjust relax man.
Chill. It's no big deal.



I don't understand why you
can't have sex with me.



Sex with me.
[ Karen ] What's wrong?



Are you okay? I've never had that
happen to me before.



There's no rush.



Don't be nervous.
You're with me remember?



Yeah. Okay. I'm sorry.



And don't apologize.



Come here. Come here.



[Jip Exhales ]



[Jip Narrating ]
Well what goes up must come down.



And down... and down.



Everyone looks ill
at the end of the night.



We've all lost
the power of speech



desperately avoiding
eye contact.



Your new soul mate that
you've been talking codshit to
for the past five hours...



about the story of creation
or the fourth Star Wars film...



is now a complete stranger.



You can't even
look him in the eye.



The only thing
you've got in common now is paranoia.



It's coming
through the walls man.



The children of ecstasy
aren't safe anymore.



We're no longer
all together as one



but separate mental patients
that yearn to be ejected out of
this poisoned atmosphere...



to a warm bed
and friendly therapists.



Reality's on her way.
Where am I?



What have I done?



Was it worth it?



And by the way
what the fuck happened here?



All you have to look forward to now
is unconsciousness



but you can never sleep.



[ Male Voice ]
Moff?.



Moff.



I hardly recognized you.



Who's there?



Reality?



Reality is thatis it you?
Don't Don't fuckin' wind me up.



Moffit's me. Honestly.
Where the fuck have you been?



Reality it's all It's all gone
pearshaped mate.



I don't trust anybody
in this room right now.



And they're my good fuckin' friends.
I mean Reality



What the fuck is going on?
WhWhat's happening to me
for fuck's sake?



Moffyou've hammered it
too much for too long.



Knock the drugs on the head.
Clear out.



We can work together.



[ Karen's Voice ]
You're a waste of time.



[Jip Thinking ]
Go away.



Come on stay with her.
Stay with her.



[ Woman ] I don't understand why
you can't have sex with me.



Shut up!



Come on come onJip.
Don't be afraid.



[ Karen's Voice ] I've never had that
happen to me before.



[ Thinking ] Go on. Go with her.
Go with her. Move her.



Move with her.



[ Lulu Thinking ]
Go with him.



[ Thinking ] Oh look at her.
She's beautiful.



Hello you.
She's enjoying it.



Let it go.



Come on
feel what she's feeling.



Come on let it go.
You want to be with her.
Go with it.



Let it go.



Let it go this time Lu.



[ Techno ]



[ Rap Indistinct ]



Ready



Steady go



Pow pow pow pow
pow pow
[ Beeping ]



[ Gasps ]



No! No! No!



Fuck! No fuckin' way!



[ Giggles ]
Oh for fuck's sake!



No no! You're fucking dreaming.
It's a fu



Hey bitch!



Wake up bitch.
[ Yawns ]



Come on.
Oh here he is. Kickin' chicken.



So what's the news baby pop?
[ Laughs ]



Uh life's amazing.
[ Screaming ]



[ Screams ]
Congratulations



? And celebrations
Cool it tune it
cool it baby ?



? Cool it babe
[ Laughs ]



Hey welcome back
to the world of sex mate.



Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!



Once more I am a ''fucktioning''
human being! One more time!



Look at him ladies.
Live ladies and gentlemen
he's a star!



[ Humming ]
Eh eh eh.



What the fuck
was I worried about man?



I told you man didn't I?
Overthinking of the stupid
little things mate.



Mate mate. Oh!
[ Laughs ]



That's the story of my life man.
It's the story of my life.



Oi oi oi.
[ Humming ]



She uh
What?



Did she uh



What?
You know.



[ Laughs ] What?



What we were talking about
the other day mate?
I'm not answering that one.



Go on.
No no. That's disgusting.
No I'm not telling you that.



What?
No. It's a personal thing
between two human beings.



Fuck off!.
No forget it. I'm not
answering that question.



Shut up!
I'm your mate.



Yeah.
[ Laughing ]



Big time!



[ Laughs ]
Go on with your bad self!.



Bitch!
Bitch!



You dirty bitch!
[ Laughs ]



No I'm telling you
it has never happened to me
like that before.



I mean I've had that you know
sort of release of pleasure
but nothing like this.



I mean it just came out of nowhere.
I didn't have to concentrate
or anything.



And when it did fuck me!
It was just like Ah!



Ah! Ah!



[ Laughing ]
Oh it's the most amazing feeling.



Did your eyes
go all blurry?



Blurry? I went fuckin' blind
for about minutes!



And then he started
running his finger all over my skin



and it went all tingly
and I was shaking all over.



Oh it was fucking lush!
So



? How big
was his dick



Shut up.
I can't tell you that.



This big.
[ Laughing ]



But it fits like bricabrac.



It comes out from the root
and then goes off to the side
with a little twist.



Diversive.
It certainly hit the spot.



[ Laughing ]



Another kid dead from
taking ecstasy this week.



Don't know what possesses them
to take it in the first place.



Some children just don't have
the correct upbringing.



The parents must neglect them
and they turn to drugs as an escape.



No discipline.
No morality.



No respect.



I just don't understand
the youth of today.



[ Beeps ]
[ Dialogue Rewinds ]



I just don't understand
the youth of today.



[ Beeps Rewinds ]
I just don't understand
the youth of today.



[ Laughing ]



Oh spot on mate.
Spot on.



[ Beeps Rewinds ]
No discipline
no morality no respect.



Some children just don't
have the correct upbringing.
[ Beeps Rewinds ]



Some children just don't
have the correct upbringing.



Another kid dead.
Parents must neglect them.
[ Beeps ]



I just don't understand the youth of
No morality.



Drugs as an escape.
No discipline.
Die!



Yeah! We're just some
happy fucking sitcom ain't we?



Perfect life perfect family
perfect fucking dining table.



Well give yourself
a round of applause.



Please! I swear sometimes we're living
on different planets...



because there is no fucking way
of communicating with you all.



Who the fuck are you people
anyway eh?



Who the fuck are ya?



So how was
your weekend Louise?



I had a really excellent time
thanks Auntie Violet.
What did you do?



Um we all went to a club
on Friday night



and then we went to Connie's
parents' house for a big party.



How did you get there?
Jip drove us.



He hadn't been drinking?
No no.



No he hadn't
touched a drop.



And uh
[ Clears Throat ]



How is Jip?



He's really really well.
Thanks Auntie Violet.



[ Chuckles ]



Tahdah!



Who are they for?
They're for you
because you deserve it.



And much much more.



[ Kisses ]
OhJip.



Oh they're beautiful.
You shouldn't have.



Yeah I should.



What's for dinner?



Wait and see.
[ Laughs ]



? ?



[ Stops Abruptly ]
Cunt.



Listen. Listen youse.
Listen. I really need
to tell you something.



I'm off the drugs big time
No I mean it. No.
[ Laughing ]



I'm really being serious.



Listen to me.



I've had my head up my arse
for so long



all I can do is think shit.



[ Laughing ]
No listen to me. I I'm



Listen. I'm sick of feeling
like the advert for
a methadone program.



I'm I'm I just I'm
[Jip ] Don't give me that shit.



The only reason you're off
the drugs right is 'cause
you fuckin'had 'em all man.



[ Laughing ]



Future generations of fuckin'
dopeheads are gonna have
to toke your ashes...



just to get high.
[ Laughing ]



No no I'm really
being seriousyeah.



I'm I'm I'm coming apart
at the seamsJip.



I'm uh
[ Sighs ]



I'm I'm dissolving.
That's what happening to me.



I'm I'm I'm dissolving.
I'm I'm I'm



What I'm trying to say is um



Another couple of good pills
and and that's it for me.



It's good night Vienna.
I mean I really feel I'm gonna uh



Oh it sounds like clubber's comedown
chorus to me sweetheart.



Yeahyou know it.
It's not like we're gonna be
doing this forever.



I mean we'll all
get bored of it eventually.



Hey when a comedown
outweighs the good times



you know
the party's over man.



Mmm.
I mean Friday was a classic yeah.



Friday rocked.
Classic.



But... I've definitely got
to take some time out...



to pick up the pieces man
and that's that.



Yeah fair enough.
And that's That's
what I'm saying to ya.



Um the honeymoon's over
Koop it's over.



Uh it's not fucking
worth it. I I'm



That's it for me. I've had me lot.
I mean you know



Youse do what you gotta do
but I'm fuckin' that's it.



I mean it's no more drugs for me.
That's my lot. That's it.



Drinks anyone?



Moff?.



I'll have a pint of vodka mate.
Just a little drop of Coke.
[ Laughing ]



I'll have a bottle of Prozac.
Yeah nice.



[ Lulu ] I can't believe
all this time we've been
going off with other people



looking for the right person
and just not finding them.



I know. It's weird isn't it?



I mean anything could've happened
do you know what I mean?



To change the events
of last Friday.



And it'd just be normal now.
It'd be just like
We'd just be friends.



No! Don't say that!



I mean you've always
been there but I've just
never thought of you that way.



And all of a sudden
these past couple of months



it's just been like ''Jip? Hmm.''
Mmhmm.



God man I know exactly
when this happened as well.



I know exactly when this happened.
When?



Around your house right?
It was about three weeks ago.



We're lying on your bed
we're hugging we're coming down.



Remember?
Oh yeah! Coming down! Absolutely.



We were just keeping it legal.
Barely.



Yeah barely.
Life is full of
fucking surprises man.



I mean like a minute ago
I was thinking



'' Fuckin' hell! I'm never
gonna have sex again
for the rest of my life.''



And now I'm thinking
''I'm having the best sex
I've ever had...



with somebody I've loved for years''
you know what I mean?



And darling it's only
going to get better.



Now kiss me.
Darling



I'm going to fuck your brains out.
[ Laughs ]



[Jip Narrating ]
Well that's almost it
from me and my friends.



Back to mundane Monday.



I guess my point is
I think we're all fucked up
in our own wayyou know?



But we're all doing it together.



We're freestyling
on the buckled wheel of life



trapped in a world
of internal dialogue.



Like Bill Hicks said
''It's an insane world



but I'm proud to be
part of it. ''



All



Together as one



All



Together as one



All



Together as one



All



Together as one



[ Man ] This is a beautiful day.
All



It is a new day.
Together as one



All
This is a beautiful day.



Together as one
It is a new day.



We are together.
All



We are together.
Together as one



We are unified
we are together.



All



Together as one



'Cause together we've got the power.
All



Apart we've got to powwow.
Together as one



We are together.
All



Together as one



[ Techno ]



It ain't gonna be me



It ain't gonna be me



It ain't gonna be me

 

[knock]

Possibly the longest post ever. Surprised it was allowed, glad you've found your script. Although it is more like subtitles, there's no description of the action at all.

 

[DSP-2230]

Possibly the longest post ever. Surprised it was allowed, glad you've found your script. Although it is more like subtitles, there's no description of the action at all.

If you've seen the film as often as I have, reading it you have the film playing in your head anyhow.

 

[jancrow]

tl;dr

 

[Mental Kenny]

Crappy film doesn't deserve it's own thread.

 

[knock]

But big post is too big for merging into main thread

 

[Myshkin]

God, that film was embarrassing back then. Can't begin to imagine what it'd be like seeing it now.