hppd?

[Chknnugget]

Ok so I think I might have hppd. Anyone with experiences with this please answer

So about a year and a month ago I went to the beach with a couple of friends. They all wanted to take LSD (it was all our first time including mine except for these 2 other girls). I was planning on not taking it at all and just drinking bc I felt like enjoying a nice relaxing day on the beach. Instead of taking the LSD i decided to just drink and chill on the beach. I dont mind being around people that are tripping. However, after a while I got really drunk and one of the girls asked me if I wanted to go up to the room and take it and at first I said no i was fine but then--being the dumbass that I am--I agreed and my friend and I went to the room where I hesitated for a while but then thought oh well and put it under my tongue. By this point, all of my friends had started tripping.

They kept the tab in their mouths for an hour or so. I quickly came to my senses and had to use the bathroom really bad right when I put it under my tongue and decided to spit it out. The thing must have been in my mouth for only a couple of minutes. Keep in mind I had smoked a loooot of weed (not on the day I took this). I smoked constantly, everyday, numerous times during the day, for over 2 years and have taken shroomies ONCE. I have also tried molly twice. But thats all ive ever done. So fast forward to the night time and my friends are still tripping and I have not experienced anything. (Honestly I really didnt want to and was hoping I wouldnt). But we all got back to our room and i started getting shaky like one would if you had the shivers and my jaws were clenching and i felt like i wanted to talk but it was just my voice repeating stuff in my head...that part sounds a lot weirder than it actually was but it still wasnt anything normal.

My friends tripped for a while and well into the night their trip started wearing off. The next day everything felt fine with me and with all of my friends. A couple of days go by and one day I realize that I feel really really out of place. I was just sitting on my computer doing homework and *bam* i just felt weird. It was like i was viewing the world behind a pane of glass or something. I think it could have been dp/dr. It lasted for a long ass time. Anyways, I decided to lay off all drinking and weed (I have not smoked since the day I was on the beach before I took the LSD) and all caffeine. I drank too much coffee one day and the letters on the dry erase board in the classroom moved a bit.

All of that was in April 2012.

In May of the same year I started having panic attacks (so bad I couldnt leave the house), dp/dr-everything looked so unreal, especially in the sunlght, i noticed really bad static vision and everything looked extra vibrant and when I would look at a computer screen, everything on it was slightly moving.

In August I noticed A LOT of floaters suddenly one day. They came out of no where and i started getting shutter vision whenever i would wake up from sleeping. That all stayed the same until 5 or 6 months later while I was driving I noticed this clear blob that takes up the entire field of vision and it just moves. Its like its morphing but just going into itself. It kind of looks like a mandala design but clear and moving.

The panic attacks at this point had stopped and the dp/dr i didnt really notice but i think it was bc i wear my glasses a lot now instead of my contacts-which make me feel really weird. But the weird morphing blob left for about a week and has suddenly returned. And last night I had a panic attack and i hadnt had one in about a year.

Now I am afraid I am going to start having them again. I got that "weird feeling" like I did when I took LSD--my head was really tight feeling like someone was squeezing my brain and a lot of pressure on my forehead and scalp. I am afraid to smoke weed bc i do not want it to make anything worse...and its so hard to not want to bc all my friends do it but since that panic attack i feel like I am going through all of the scared feelings like I had in the beginning. I got used to most of it but the night before my most recent panic attack, I was telling my boyfriend about how I thought I had hppd and i talked to him in depth about it, which i havent really talked to anyone about and i think just talking about it is what triggered it...

Can anyone give me any advice or help? I dont want to start feeling like I did and does this ever go away? I hate talking about it bc it just makes me feel nervous and a while ago if anyone even mentioned acid i would feel weird and anxious. I know what I did was stupid and I am never touching any psychedelics ever again. I didnt trip so why am I having this happen to me? Please, someone help. None of my friends experienced the same thing I did and none of them had this happen to them. They still smoke weed and are completely fine.

 

[EarthBounded]

Hey Chknnugget,

I am sorry to hear about your situation, it's impossible to diagnose HPPD over the computer and I would also like to believe there are varying degrees of this disorder, I also believe a lot of people self diagnose themselves.

First off seems like you are making some correct steps with removing caffeine and cannabis, I have personally had to do this as well.

I would have to guess you are at a younger naive age from the story above ( not an insult ), and it sounds like you might be worrying a little too much which is natural, everyone makes mistakes and there can be consequences from drug use. However it sounds like you had one bad experience where you were incredibly worried and that worrying might have never gone away.

It is normal for any young adult or adult to have panic attacks, and the morphing you are describing could be a product of what you are making up in your own head just dwelling on what happened. Also floaters aren't necessarily caused by psychedelics, you can have these without ever using a psychedelic, I believe you are just associating everything with that trip.

You must also realize there is a lot of blotter paper out there that is not LSD-25, You may have taken and LSD analog or Research Chemical, I estimate in my area about 90% of the ACID is in-fact NOT LSD. That is an estimate...

It sounds like your just a good hearted person who isn't 100% aware of what actual Positive, neutral and negative effects come from LSD-25, It is a relatively safe drug and if you took one hit it's not the end of your life... However I believe the social stigma of LSD alone is powerful enough to make someone dwell on an " acid " trip for years.

You sound fine and to be honest just a little bit paranoid (I do not blame you), I would focus on diet and exercise and removing this visual of yourself, honestly if you have poor diet and exercise a lack of proper nutrition that alone is enough to induce all the symptoms above, I highly recommend eating a very balanced mostly raw diet, eat up as many Fruits, veggies and proteins as possible take a multi-vitamin and exercise, sweat out any toxins in your body

Focus on your view of the world as clear and appreciate you didn't have anything worse happen to you, if it wasn't for that day you may have kept using drugs and worse could have happened.

Except what you have done and move on, it is not the end of the world.

Good luck

EB

 

[Dr. Me]

I went through a very similar thing after a 'bad' shroom trip. Had dp/dr, panic attacks, minor hppd-like visuals. Weed would just make the episodes worse after coming down.

I gave up all drugs indefinitely or so I thought at the time and the episodes continued with increased intensity. My previously amazing memory was shot and I couldn't control my thoughts a lot of the time. Finally I just accepted that I am not in control of very many things in my life so to survive I just have to go with it and accept whatever may happen.

It was almost as if a flip was switched and I felt almost normal again immediately. The dp/dr and panic attacks continued but with decreased intensity and much less frequently, it lasted a month without stopping once at its worst. Shortly after I tried weed again and it felt very therapeutic. Slowly that turned into a daily habit again and I started doing psychedelics also.

I found the more I could keep my thoughts positive and open minded the less the episodes returned. It hasn't actually returned for many months now :-D. The ceiling stopped breathing and my cognitive function returned to normal.

So my suggestions:
-stop thinking about why you don't feel normal and focus more on the moment. Neuroplasticity is the changing of neural pathways and brain structure, so the more you think about something, the easier those pathways are to activate in the future. The reason you reread something to commit it to memory.
-don't read anything else about hppd online because people don't post success stories. They feel normal because they haven't thought about it at all.

Good luck to you, you will definitely feel normal again so don't worry.