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How to tell your gf you use drugs

ScroogeMcDuck57

ScroogeMcDuck57

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Nov 17, 2010
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I used to date girls that partied. In my advanced age (I am almost a tri-genarian), I date girls that have little to no experience with drugs more exotic than marijuana. At a certain point into the relationship, I usually bring up my wild and crazy youth, gage their reaction, and proceed from there. Usually, I can share my drug experimenting in a romantic and trust building way that strengthens our relationship overall without it becoming a focus beyond the experience.

How do you approach telling your partner about your drug use? Do you tell them at all? When is the best time to bring it up? What outcomes can you expect?
 
I prefer to date the good girls who arent into drugs at all or maybe smoke some weed but nothing other than that. I also when possible try to stay away from girls who have parents that are on pills for being bipolar, schizophrenic, or anything in that similar area. That is just me learning from past experiences and trying to keep myself as sane as possible knowing that their parents are a little crazy and that may possibly be in the girl genetically. So with all of that said i try to let them know a little bit about my past and tell them i used to be a drug addict because it is only a matter of time before they find out if they do not already know due to the fact that if they search my name the first things that pop up on this wonderful thing called the internet is all about me being arrested and various news article about me and heroin. So in the beginning i always find a way to tell them about my horrible past. As for current drug use i let them know i smoke weed usually by asking them if they also smoke and if they mind that i smoke, and i have found that most girls around my age do not care one bit. I actually have yet to find a girl who hates weed enough to end a relationship due to it. I then will mention that from time to time ill eat some painkillers because i do have a fucked up back and neck from car accidents earlier in my life. As for letting them know i am a full blown addict, currently i will not mention it and honestly i would use a relationship as a reason to quit and wouldnt get into a relationship unless i was actually ready to quit and devote my time to a girl rather than heroin. I believe if you are going to be an addict in a relationship and not going to quit that you should bring it up in the beginning if you are going to tell them at all because it will only cause problems down the line and possibly fuck up something great. If you dont tell them at the beginning and they find out a few months down the line from either finding your drugs or other drug related items, or you end up getting arrested with or because of drugs, or they just happen to walk in on you getting high it could end in them not trusting you at all and leaving you right away. If they do not leave you right away it could still cause trust issues and they might start thinking "oh if he lied to me and didnt tell me about the drugs i wonder what else he isnt telling me or lieing about" which will just start fights and everything else and end the relationship that way. I guess it all depends on if you plan on staying with that person or if you are going to leave down the line anyway and are just trying to get laid for awhile while you search for someone else (which as horrible as that sounds i know people who do that). For the most part i think you should tell them in the beginning or be willing to quit. Now you can tell them you relapsed recently and are trying to quit and that can go either way depending on if they want to deal with that in their life. I personally wouldnt tell them i am currently addicted and trying to quit and i would just suck it up and quit with the mindframe that if i dont have the power to quit i shouldnt be in a relationship anyway so i know i would quit if the girl is important enough to me and i didnt want to lose her. Some people however might need to tell the girl(or guy) because they need that persons support to quit. Completely understandable but may possibly make that person run off before they even get to really know you because they dont want to be with someone who is an addict whether they are trying to quit or not. Just a little ramble of my opinion on the subject. Kind of all over the place, i know, but i am a bit high and my writing leaves something left to be desired when i am high because i tend to ramble and get off topic and lose my place in thought. I am also lazy and do not want to proof read at all so deal with it! :P Maybe if i double space my posts it will be easier to read... Sorry for the after-thoughts
 
Spacing might help, but you wrote coherent thoughts IMO.
Having a serious addiction is probably something I would bring up right away. It would get me out of explaining not drinking or smoking. I only think good things can come from clear communication. Perhaps she can be part of your support system to keep from falling off the wagon.
 
Communication is like the #1 thing in a serious relationship which is why i believe if you skip telling the other person about an addiction at the beginning it could destroy your relationship. Skipping that talk = bad communication and starting of trust issues and those trust issues usually never get better and people tend to always bring shit like that back up no matter how much time has passed, some even use it as an excuse to get away with whatever they deem fit (oh you lied to me and never told me about your heroin addiction so i cant trust a word you say and you are now yelling at me because i decided to go have a few drinks with my friends and didnt tell you!?!?!?! How dare you!!!!!!!!!!) and that is them justifying their actions which is NEVER a good thing in my experiences.
 
For stuff less serious though is ignorance bliss? LSD and tripping can have terrible connotations to some people.
 
Yeah LSD does have some inaccurate bullshit stigmas surrounding it. So does heroin and most other drugs for that matter.

I like being honest almost right off the bat. I kinda screwed up a good thing before due to my junkie behavior so I know how to handle it now. If a person can't accept you for what you are/ your past, fuck him/her.

I'll tell u what tho, women will ALWAYS have a thing for "bad boys" hahaha.
 
A big part of it is what drugs do you currently use. Meth and opiate habits are hard to hide. Pot/psychedelic/softer use is a lot easier to explain I'd think...

If you still use any drug frequently, its best not to hide your use. Maybe keep it slightly toned down around her until you think it's getting serious.

Honestly I have 0 formal relationship experience. I'd just try to aim for the partiers in the first place I guess.

Again I think the difficulty of honesty greatly depends on what's drugs you currently do. Anything in the past, whatever, doesn't necessarily mean shit presently.
 
I agree with Sir, it is better to be honest about drug use if the relationship is serious, to the extent said drug use is important for you. If you're an occasional user and don't think too much about drugs, then it's not something to make a big fuss about, but if you use daily and it definitely affects your life, then it is unfair and dishonest to keep it a secret. If you are serious about the relationship, then it will only serve you well down the road. Of course, you don't need to go into detail about the dirtiest of aspects of your usage right off the bat, better to "ease her into it".

I personally think that you should start talking about it after you've built some kind of trust with your partner, because (at least for me) drug use can be very emotional and sentimental, which touches close to heart, so talking about it openly needs a certain degree of honesty and willingness to show your weaknesses to her.

I don't agree with other posters who justify not telling your partner about certain drugs like LSD because the person might not understand you or because they believe the bullshit/stigma media tells us. Personally I believe myself to be a man of principles, one which is being objective, unbiased and knowledgeable about relevant subjects, and I expect the same of my lady. I would not want to be with someone who is too close-minded or disinterested in me (yes, me, because drugs are a part of my life) to understand the reality of drug use. As such, I would sacrifice the relationship if it turned out that way, even though it might be hard. I've done it too, sadly, but at times I'm a cold motherfucker. But I'm also very glad to know that my significant other understands or is willing to understand the subject, so I can talk openly about it with her - of course not only about drugs, but other personal things as well. That's why I love her so much. Communication and honesty truly is the number one priority in a serious relationship.
 
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belligerent drunk said:
I personally think that you should start talking about it after you've built some kind of trust with your partner, because (at least for me) drug use can be very emotional and sentimental, which touches close to heart, so talking about it openly needs a certain degree of honesty and willingness to show your weaknesses to her.

I don't agree with other posters who justify not telling your partner about certain drugs like LSD because the person might not understand you or because they believe the bullshit/stigma media tells us. Personally I believe myself to be a man of principles, one which is being objective, unbiased and knowledgeable about relevant subjects, and I expect the same of my lady. I would not want to be with someone who is too close-minded or disinterested in me (yes, me, because drugs are a part of my life) to understand the reality of drug use. As such, I would sacrifice the relationship if it turned out that way, even though it might be hard. I've done it too, sadly, but at times I'm a cold motherfucker. But I'm also very glad to know that my significant other understands or is willing to understand the subject, so I can talk openly about it with her - of course not only about drugs, but other personal things as well. That's why I love her so much. Communication and honesty truly is the number one priority in a serious relationship.
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Well put. I guess for me, whenever I meet people that do drugs I find that's the majority of what I have in common with them, for better or worse. So, finding a partner who has more interests than partying is important to me.

I think there's something to be said about tact and timing. That's what I'm more interested in. It's no fun being in a relationship where you can't be yourself, but if you come out of the gate with something like "I engage in illegal activities with the intent of altering my consciousness through psychotropic drugs" it might be off putting.

I have a concept of gender roles that doesn't allow me to expect the same things of myself as that of my old lady. I realize that's old fashioned, but that's how I want my relationships. I provide and protect because I'm better suited for that; my old lady nurtures. That doesn't mean I want to lie to her, but it doesn't mean I have to smack her in the face with every detail of my life. Does that make sense and isn't entirely chauvinistic lol?
 
I'd tell anyone that I used to eat lots of LSD, I don't care about that. Sometimes I even like to tell people that I used to snort massive rails of crystal meth, esp. if I want to troll "stuck up druggies" (i.e. "such-and-such drug users are so gross maaaan, I only do natural drugs from mother Gaia maaaaaan")

Heroin, though...I keep that real close to the vest.

At the same time, if someone asks me about my former drug use, it's not a subject I'm ever going to lie about. Unless it's the cops or my doctor ;)
 
I think being honest about your past is really important, regardless of what you've done in your life. Whenever I was dating someone new, I always made a point of laying it all out on the table in the very beginning, everything... drug history, sexual history, everything. I've had girls walk away after I told them about my past, and I've also walked away after finding out about a woman's past. When you get involved with someone you have a moral obligation to accurately represent yourself and allow them the opportunity to choose for themselves if they want to continue dating you. I wouldn't be very happy if I found out my partner had been a junkie and a whore and lied to me about it. So in all fairness, I would never hide my past from a woman either.
 
I like to keep my drug interests to myself, not because I'm embarrassed but because I don't want to have to share my stash! 8o
 
I use mostly RCs empathogens and psychedelics of several varieties. I've been up front about it and it probably cost me the relationship. Not that it was a huge loss but drugs aren't all of who I am. Conveying that without a square person thinking I'm some hippy or drug freak takes finesse I believe. I'm not struggling immensely to do it but I thought maybe other people had a phrase or way to go about it that could help.
 
Tough question. Try to find out subtly what her thoughts are about your DOC.. Reference something you've read in a newspaper about it (try something positive - I'm picking a random example of drug - like LSD being used to help people with depression) and then say "what do you think about that? What are your thoughts about LSD? Ever tried it? Ever wanted to? What have you heard about it?" Listen to what she says, talk about your thoughts as well, what you've tried, why you enjoyed it - and tell her the reason you're being open about your likes/usage is because you love her and trust her and value her opinion. You never know - she might be absolutely cool with it. Stuff I never wanted to try, I have with my current partner because he makes me feel safe.

Of course she might hate it, but you can discuss as a couple how to handle it moving forward. Hope this helps!
 
20021981 said:
Tough question. Try to find out subtly what her thoughts are about your DOC.. Reference something you've read in a newspaper about it (try something positive - I'm picking a random example of drug - like LSD being used to help people with depression) and then say "what do you think about that? What are your thoughts about LSD? Ever tried it? Ever wanted to? What have you heard about it?" Listen to what she says, talk about your thoughts as well, what you've tried, why you enjoyed it - and tell her the reason you're being open about your likes/usage is because you love her and trust her and value her opinion. You never know - she might be absolutely cool with it. Stuff I never wanted to try, I have with my current partner because he makes me feel safe.

Of course she might hate it, but you can discuss as a couple how to handle it moving forward. Hope this helps!
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Thanks :) in my current relationship we have a tacit understanding that I don't involve her in it or make it a part of our relationship. It's helped me cut back without feeling guilty or spiteful.
 
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