How to party/socialise without drugs

[jess046]

Hi all

I'm trying to take a big break from stimulants, the only problem is I'm finding it extremely hard to socialise and have fun without them. I really want to get back to a more normal habit of drinking/smoking but find I just can't enjoy myself anymore without harder drugs. I just get tired and bored or feel uncomfortable and shy.

How do 'normal' people have fun without drugs? I can't even remember how I used to do it.

I really don't want to stop socialising and partying because I'm trying to abstain. I just want to figure out a healthier way to do it.

 

[RedLeader]

Take pride in that you don't have to be dishonest/withholding in social situations anymore since you won't be on hard drugs around people drinking. When you learn how to connect with people on a deeper level, and not just "let's get messed up together," the shyness will go away.

Back when I did a lot of uppers, I always ended up with awkward memories, especially from late in the night. After a while it seemed that there was less and less euphoria and more and more charged-up awkwardness. And you want to look back on social events and smile, right? Not get that nervous ashamed feeling.

If you can handle your weed (you mean weed when you say "smoke," right?), then maybe gravitate toward others who prefer it as well. Despite being legal, alcohol is no joke, so try and not rely too much on it (plus who doesn't crave stims while drinking?).

Try and find people really into healthy activities and see what they get up to on weekends. I have met some great people at the gym who definitely like to have fun, but also keep it in check so that they can still work hard during the day.

And then there are just places you don't go. I absolutely cannot go to raves sober, for example, so I haven't gone to one in a while. It sucks at first, but gets better as you reap the benefits of a healthy lifestyle.

 

[Black Rabbit of Inle]

Try and find people really into healthy activities and see what they get up to on weekends. I have met some great people at the gym who definitely like to have fun, but also keep it in check so that they can still work hard during the day.

And then there are just places you don't go. I absolutely cannot go to raves sober, for example, so I haven't gone to one in a while. It sucks at first, but gets better as you reap the benefits of a healthy lifestyle.

This. I find that when I am trying to take a break from drugs, there are people I can't be around and places I can't go. Rather than going out to clubs/pubs go to more quiet house parties (you don't even have to drink if you don't want). You'll find you create deeper relationships with people when there are no drugs involved. The social aspect gets easier to deal with as well. You'll be able to observe and learn from others and if you have at least one person that knows that you're sober (from drugs) they can help ease you into it by providing a social buffer so you don't get overwhelmed.

 

[jess046]

Take pride in that you don't have to be dishonest/withholding in social situations anymore since you won't be on hard drugs around people drinking. When you learn how to connect with people on a deeper level, and not just "let's get messed up together," the shyness will go away.

Back when I did a lot of uppers, I always ended up with awkward memories, especially from late in the night. After a while it seemed that there was less and less euphoria and more and more charged-up awkwardness. And you want to look back on social events and smile, right? Not get that nervous ashamed feeling.

If you can handle your weed (you mean weed when you say "smoke," right?), then maybe gravitate toward others who prefer it as well. Despite being legal, alcohol is no joke, so try and not rely too much on it (plus who doesn't crave stims while drinking?).

Try and find people really into healthy activities and see what they get up to on weekends. I have met some great people at the gym who definitely like to have fun, but also keep it in check so that they can still work hard during the day.

And then there are just places you don't go. I absolutely cannot go to raves sober, for example, so I haven't gone to one in a while. It sucks at first, but gets better as you reap the benefits of a healthy lifestyle.

It's not so much that I'm sociall awkward, it's just that I get bored, agitated and tired without stimulants. I just can't last very long drinking. I don't know how people can have all-nighters just on alchohol.

I don't smoke weed. Not into it. I'm more of an uppers person. I smoke ciggerettes which give me a brief stimulation I suppose.

 

[Psychonautic]

You should feel comfortable around your friends, i'm not always situational myself but I do like to be able to be comfortable around my friends. Go fuck someone though, that will get your mind off it and get your confidence back up. Or maybe the people you are around aren't as exciting as a substance in which case you should seek out more sincere people.

 

[llama112]

Go to different types of parties. You can't be expected to pull an all nighter without stimulants. Just go out for a few hours. Don't go to parties that go really late in the night. You may meet some new people that share your "new" lifestyle and that could help

 

[neversickanymore]

I can't even remember how I used to do it.

Hey Jess.. congratulations on pulling back on some of the harder stuff!! a little thing to contemplate as you move forward is the use of alcohol. IMO, even though its legal, this is one of or the most destructive drugs out there, so if i were you i would severely limit your intoxication on alc, I like the I can drink as long as I never have withdraws (a hang over) or turn into a drunken clown and feel ashamed or out of controll of my actions.. be aware though that many many many users find it hard to stay away from their DOCs and consume alc and some find it impossible. Please look at your drinking, try and put a super reasonable limit on it and stop if you can't keep it under control.

As far as the socialization.. First if you don't mind how old are you and how long did you use drugs, making sure to check out how old you were when you began using drugs or alcohol for more than one day a week. Also addiction will manipulate you emotions, fear.. shyness (lack of confidence in yourself, you don't believe in yourself YET).. are emotions, as well as cause anxiety (feeling uncomfortable), social anxiety (the conscious or unconscious NEED (temporary) for the approval of others on some or all of life.) If you can also give us a little better run down on what you raged, for how long, and how it was at the end.. Ha, paint us a clearer picture Jess

 

[rickolasnice]

It takes time and effort.. The more you put yourself in the situation and the less you take drugs, the easier a sober party / social setting will be..

It sucks at first but you've gotta do it.

 

[brutus]

Without giving you a bullshit answer, it is horrible going to some parties sober. You will quickly realize that the vast majority of these people are not your friends and you aren't missing out on a damn thing. I suggest finding other things you can do to go out with your friends and enjoy. I know what it's like being in college though.

 

[neversickanymore]

^^ you're absolutely right.. hanging out with wasted people is annoying and boring, if you are not partaking. I would identify and develop other interests and then seek out people who also like these and are not a mess on drugs or booze. Also good social skills are learned and often the use of drugs or booze can have an effect on the development of these skills. Try and practice socializing and give yourself a little time, if you are experiencing social anxiety it is because you need the approval of others, learn to approve of yourself and this will disappear. a good life without drug is something you have to develop and pursue, while abusing drugs lies to you and makes you think that you are having an amazing time just sitting on a dumpy couch in a messy room. even that illusion fades as the drugs turn. Drop in a little effort and with a little patience you should get big rewards.

 

[soundsystem00]

Just find a good AA group. Start talking to people after the meeting. You'll find that there are people your age going through the same shit. They have several things going on outside of group. Parties, bowling, goin out to eat, goin to games, goin to shows... The list goes on. There's hope man.

 

[Morphling]

I went to raves and clubs years sober, but I really love the music and love to dance, am a huge people person, etc. I can chat anyone up. It sounds like you're a bit more introverted, have you considered perhaps jazz clubs, meeting new people through meetups, at libraries, etc? There is nothing that says you have to stay in the same particular bit of culture you've been in. This could be a good chance to work on other areas of your life as well, if that sounds appealing.

Great decision to give up stimulants, in my opinion.

 

[Swimmingdancer]

Without giving you a bullshit answer, it is horrible going to some parties sober. You will quickly realize that the vast majority of these people are not your friends and you aren't missing out on a damn thing. I suggest finding other things you can do to go out with your friends and enjoy. I know what it's like being in college though.

^Well said.

I realized that I can't just expect to be able to do the same types of socializing I did while using drugs or expect to be able to enjoy things like going out drinking all night like I see others do. I identify with the OP's statement "I just can't last very long drinking. I don't know how people can have all-nighters just on alcohol." Those people must just be wired differently from us.

I have come to accept that, although it can still be hard to feel "left out" of things with old friends because most people don't even bother to invite me to parties/events that are primarily about going out drinking all night anymore (which for me used to usually be more about me doing drugs and only drinking a little), or if I do go I feel like I'm not fun and am the only one who is sober, tired and leaving early. But it's ok to be sober and leave early.

I don't drink at all right now, not because I fear I would get addicted to alcohol or that it would be a trigger for me to use drugs (not that it isn't for many people) but simply because I don't enjoy it, it makes me feel sick and easily hungover. I'm trying to do more things with people that don't involve drinking or regular parties, it takes a little creativity and initiative but it is possible to have an active social life that doesn't involve drugs/alcohol. I like what neversickanymore said:

a good life without drug is something you have to develop and pursue, while abusing drugs lies to you and makes you think that you are having an amazing time just sitting on a dumpy couch in a messy room

It takes time and effort to find new things and social situations we enjoy but it's a necessary part of recovery IMO. One example for me has been jamming with other musicians. Whatever your interests, maybe you can brainstorm some fun things to do that just going to a boring party while sober

 

[Morphling]

Also, no idea where you live, but here, the raves have alcohol booths, and people just fire up their pipes on the dance floor, and the like. No need to indulge in speed or MDMA, if you don't want to. If you get the right crew of people to hang out with, you'll not have so much need to socialize.

 

[Swimmingdancer]

Also, no idea where you live, but here, the raves have alcohol booths, and people just fire up their pipes on the dance floor, and the like. No need to indulge in speed or MDMA, if you don't want to. If you get the right crew of people to hang out with, you'll not have so much need to socialize.

^I don't know about the OP, but for me that would be an impossible situation to enjoy sober (at this point in my life at least). I simply wouldn't have the energy, enjoyment or ability to dance all night etc, and easy access to drugs/being around a bunch of people who are high would make it very hard not to use them.

 

[Morphling]

Just trying to bust out some old raver wisdom, and failing mostly It's just my experience, and I recognize I'm probably a rare bird in these respects, being able to go to raves sober or just stoned, etc.

 

[RedLeader]

I am with SD in that I would struggle being sober at a rave (the exception was when I went to a rave in an Islamic country where there was virtually no drugs, and had an amazing time). But ya, if there are people on drugs around me, dealers asking me if I am good, etc, I will really want to use - to the point where I could not have fun otherwise. It is all about the collective consciousness, and I need a sober crowd to enjoy myself sober.

Or do what I do now...spend money not spent on drugs on sound and lighting and have my own one-person raves. Those are incredible (not sarcasm)!

 

[anonymous_mouse]

I have this problem too. I am an extrovert, but ever since I came off stimulants I get SO MUCH social anxiety in party situations. I miss the social finesse that I used to have. However, I still go to parties where I can dance. At least if there is music that I love to dance to, I dont' feel the need to socialize as much. Some things that help:

-Get enough sleep, eat healthy, and go for a brisk walk before the party to get in a good mood.
-Make sure you have transportation home earlier in the night, so that if you feel the need to be comfortable at home instead, you won't be stuck at the party waiting for the night to end. If you just aren't feeling it, sometimes it's better to leave early before you start resenting behind stuck there.
-Bring some food to share with other people (trail mix, etc.) Food is something healthy to share, and makes for a good opening for social connection sometimes.
-Even if you don't think you can dance... get out and dance! The endorphins released from dancing to music you love will help you relax, and people will admire you for your passion and energy. Oftentimes I will just dance enthusiastically, and people will come up and compliment me, and that's a good opening for conversation. I'm not a technically good dancer, either. I just show my passion for the music.
-And last but not least.... When you party sober (or close to it), it is hit-or-miss. Sometimes I feel amazing, and other nights I just get depressed and go home. The thing to remember is that if you have a bad night one night, it's not going to be the same every time you go. You win some, you lose some. That's life.

 

[Mehm]

Normal people don't drink all night long.

 

[jess046]

Normal people don't drink all night long.

What do normal people do then to party? I mean I've been to parties where 70% of the people there are just drinking. In fact, it was usually just myself and my boyfriend and maybe a couple of others who were high every week.

I guess I'm feeling the pressure because my social circle are all muscians, so every week we go out to see the bands (there's always some friend playing) and my house is the afterparty house, so everybody comes back here for drinks. I did reasonably well last weekend. Friday was a bust but I managed to stay awake until 4, but was extremely bored -_-
I tried again on saturday and was having fun, but the buzz was over by midnight. the rest of the night was a struggle. I ended up way too drunk and it wasn't fun.

I mean I really like going out with my friends- I just find it hard to relax and have fun. Alcohol works briefly, but just not for long. I was really depressed after Saturday. I just wanted to have that release that a good night of partying with my friends gives me.

I thought about trying other activities, but I can't really think of anything in my city. I can't afford to take any classes (which was an idea I had) and theatre is too expensive as well (another passion of mine).

I mean do people drink energy drinks to keep the buzz going or does that just make you feel shit? :/