I saw the post title and immediately made an account to reply. I wish I knew the answer to that very question, and it is something that I find myself thinking about in more and more meaningful ways the older I get. I damn near typed a five paragraph essay on my story and the circumstances that led me to being here, but... this post is about you. It doesn't matter what I say or how I say it, but it is something that I know resonates with many in this life, and I hope one day - you will know it and feel the same. Or better yet - in an even more triumphant way than I know I do at times.
For years - I was 100 percent okay knowing that I was going to die early, and I would rather face that time in an alcoholic blackout of bliss and drug abuse than be sober. Almost a decade, I tried just about every sober recovery approach under the sun or that the law would push me towards and nothing really worked for me.
I would never say a negative word about any type of harm reduction, sobriety/treatment program, or ANY sane approach to seeing another person... simply try to live. Whether its a program or asking for tips in a forum, I see it all the same now.
We have this - unfathomable existence. Makes your stomach turn at even the thought of questioning what it means and seeking out a deeper meaning, or purpose. It can be beautiful at times and also wretched. Unfair and polarizing... with no real second chances.
And the real kicker... for all that we know, it is finite. Every second of every minute is one that we will never have again.
The third time I went through alcohol withdrawals - I thought I found that early end that I was 100 percent okay with. Alone and hallucinating a form of mental and physical hell that changed me in a way I'll never forget. That darkness made seeing the light at the end of the tunnel something real.
Life... it changes constantly. Live. Keep focusing on moving forward. Every step you take to get sober, or reduce what you're doing to harm yourself, is another shot... at everything.
Setbacks? Relapse? - Try to learn from it, but if you're thinking about those things that means you're alive and trying and that's what matters.
A purpose in life... and finding happiness in sobriety?
Yeah, that's likely the harder part of the equation, or you just might find its the easiest.
I know right now I'm replying to this post instead of working on the material I should be for a meeting I have to host at work in the morning.
I find a greater purpose in every word typed here than all that I will do at work.
PS - these replies above mine that are much more tenured already have the answers spelled out to a T haha. As much as you might here similar recommendations, or even how simple something may sound... You will find they likely end up being the most profound.
Xoroth "Second, and this is related to a "purpose", I suppose, you need to find things to fill the time you would be spending doing drugs, things that make you feel fulfilled/excited/happy. Find a hobby, or multiple hobbies."
huge advice... something new or old it doesn't matter and its even better if you can find something that you can do with another that supports you.
tonight... I made an account here and replied to you hah.
Dreamflyer "Just keep trying and *never* give up. As John Lennon said, "Where there's life, there's hope."
I've been struggling with multiple addictions (alcohol, opioids, benzos) for over 25 years. Every day I just try to do my best. Sometimes I do well, sometimes not so much."
^^That is pretty much the more eloquent way of summarizing my huge wall of text right there. This is probably the best way to state ...all that I too have surmised on my journey too.
Truly my friend... I wish you well, and I mean that, with every fiber of my being. I don't know you nor you I, but I like to think this is what it is actually all about. If not for you, then selfishly for me. You got this.
Much Love