I feel ya, man. That fucking needle... there's just something about it that triggers those damn thoughts/cravings. The thing we need to realize is that sometimes we torture ourselves with these thoughts. Cravings really don't last long at all if we allow them to follow their natural flow without exacerbating them. To be honest, for me, there is a certain excitement involved when needles are involved in conversation or simply just looking at them. For me, I indulge those thoughts and this causes the cravings to last longer and become intolerable. A form of self-torture, I suppose.
130 days clean is a HUGE amount of time but in perspective, you are closer to the drug right now than a solid understanding of living without drugs.
There's a saying that folks use 'Play the tape ALL the way through'. Basically, yeah, we're fucking excellent with our selective memories. We remember the excitement of having money in our pockets and knowing we're about to score. We remember that first shot, the beautiful one that we can never seem to find again. We remember the pleasurable side of our addiction. If we play the tape from beginning to end, unedited it becomes a different story.
The 'come up' side of getting high is beautiful but has a terribly short lifespan. The 'come down' part is what we need to remember. The feelings of despondence that ALWAYS follows must not be forgotten. If we remember the undeniable pattern, the inevitable result of using which is ALWAYS the same every fucking time we use. The only time it changes is when the progression becomes worse.
I dunno, all i'm really trying to say in a long winded manner is. Don't just look at the attractive part of getting high. Remember clearly and without any doubt that the tiny bit of pretty ALWAYS turns into some sort of motherfucking UGLY. An ugly we, without fail, will endure over and over every time we use
Its difficult but try and distract yourself immediately when you get a craving. The longer you dwell, the more you'll torture yourself with the fallacy of how nice it is being high.
The come down always lasts much longer than the come-up.
Hang tough, family. It gets easier as time progresses. Its a slow progression but in time it will get easier