How To Get Back To Normal?

[llama112]

I accidentally consumed what I can only assume was mxe a couple weeks ago. I do NOT use hallucinagens or psychedelics due to anxiety. However, I cap my own vitamins and other substances as does my ex. I assume that he had an mxe capped and it ended up in my vitamins (as I was taking it in the morning).
I have tried mxe before and psychedelics, etc. before but at least 3 years ago. I stopped because I had too many bad trips.
This time, of course, I was completely unprepared. And I was staying at my parents house for the night (I've been living on my own for 10 years). The feelings/symptoms seemed much more like mxe. Luckily I always have benzos on me so I kept taking clonazepam but it didn't "seem to help" (I expect it did help and it would have been far worse if I hadn't had it).
Obviously it is not still effecting me now as it's been a couple weeks. But the past 2-3 weeks, I've been an absolute mess. Even though the reason I would have taken it would have been from my ex being irresponsible (he's a cheater, addict, and abusive), right now I feel so awful that he is the only person who I can trust. Which makes no sense rationally.
I honestly just feel worthless and horrible and I was hoping there was just some PMS in there (even though the times weren't aligned as they usually are) but PMS for me lasts like three days max and it's been weeks and I'm not feeling any better. It's causing the few friendships that I do have to fall apart.
I have no clue how to get back onto my feet (even though my life was a mess before) as this is making me MORE depressed and anxious than I was before (which was a LOT) and I'm lashing out at people that I should be and making really poor decisions.
I don't know how to get back to as close to "normal" as possible.

 

[nuube]

You are becoming more anxious and depressed because you are focusing on it. You need to take your mind off it and focus on only positive things. It was an accident so you haven't deliberately taken anything and it is a bit harsh getting on yourself for an accident.

Are you sure it was MXE - it tends to leave an after glow in my experience. Could it be that the MXE has reminded you of your ex - and all the crap that appears to have gone with him? Personally speaking this seems to have a lot more to do with your day-to-day life than any drug.

The main things I can recommend are - healthy diet (junk food causes depression), exercise (lifts mood releasing endorphins), distraction (the more time you have to ruminate on how crap things are the more crap they will be - what about developing a hobby or taking a class), love (either through finding another partner, through helping the disadvantage or by getting a pet - we all need love and companionship) and finally I would recommend meditation and mindfulness both help combat low mood.

Maybe try talking, (if you haven't already) with a friend or someone who can help guide you, (this is where a good religious minister/priest/witch doctor can be invaluable). It is important to remember that this is temporary it will pass that is a guarantee! Things ALWAYS change - good fades and is replaced by bad which can go to terrible which can be swung round to great again.

One final thing - don't aim for normal. 1 - there is no normal and 2 - a lot of 'normal' people are just good at covering their fucked-upness!

Best of luck.

 

[Wiserthanearlier]

I read this as you needing some serious support AND distance from ex.

Seriously, your post suggests you are trying but its not gotten you as far as you would like... you feel this way after taking what you beleive is mxe, administered without your knowledge?
hope you can get some more space from dimwit ex, and beleive in yourself to move forwards.
Xx

 

[pupnik]

I read this as you needing some serious support AND distance from ex.

Seriously, your post suggests you are trying but its not gotten you as far as you would like... you feel this way after taking what you beleive is mxe, administered without your knowledge?
hope you can get some more space from dimwit ex, and beleive in yourself to move forwards.
Xx

Financial independence is a way out, otherwise govt. sponsored / church sponsored women's shelters can be good temporary refuge.
Select carefully what you need and get out and start a new life. Or, evict the creep if you legally can do so.

 

[llama112]

Thank you all. I'm not 100% sure it was MXE although I've had it before and that is the most similar substance I can think of.
I don't live with my ex but he does pay for whatever place I'm staying at.
Love is a separate thing; I've already had a (short - only two months) relationship since my ex (it ended when his work permit expired and he had to leave the country). I'm seeing this guy but he isn't interested in a relationship so it's just casual but it is a good distraction anyway. My cats aren't with me right now unfortunately as the place I'm staying is too small for them.
Distraction seems to be a big thing; I really need to try and find a new hobby. That and financial independence!
Thanks