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How to change your lifestille

hazejunk

hazejunk

Bluelighter
Joined
Sep 29, 2004
Messages
1,440
Location
The Netherlands
I just got of methadone 1,5 weeks ago and i think to really get away from addiction you have to change your life completly.b And i mean really change toure thinking and shit.

But how do i go about this i have been using drugs for so long and dont know ant better.
 
Yes you do. I know I go oon alot about hcanging your thinking and choosing your attitutude and alot of that is through sheer delusion - dont look at the situation, look at what you want ity to be. you dont want to be methadone anymore - that's thinking number one.

you need to find things to help you keep away from drugs and that means keeping your days filled with something else to replace it. - you're a new person looking for new things to do - you have a wide range of interests and would it be good to just throw yourself in....

the kinds of stuff I got involved in to replace drugs were: babysitting - no chance of wallowing when you've got a wee kid looking at you with a big grin and expectant eyes - got to get over it and throw yourself in.
I did volunteer work with the local college restoring wildlife parks and orchards.

I went to the library and looked at local clubs - even if they were things I thought I wouldn't like I did them - just trying them - it was a chandce to meet new people and I could be anyone I wanted to be - I know I was rattling and feeling small - but THEY didnt kow that so I could be whatever I wanted. thats a good feeling..

i started to keep my room clean and tidy - started to keep nyself looking as good as I could - when you feel smart and look god, you dont want to muck that up with crap? y'know?

I took heart in my music - listening to it and singing and all sorts.

just dont forget you ar a person - maybe you dont know anything but you on drugs - but without drugs that gives you the freedom to be anything you want to be. you want to be a switched on sorted happy guy? just pretend for a while and it soon sinks in.

change your thinking - this isnt the end of you - this is the start. grab anything you want to grab and see wherre it takes you.
 
pfff! i even joined a choir - feck what they sing, just like opening my gob and hollering it out, y'know? meeting people was my hideout I tihnk - even if they were a bunch of grannies or something - they know people and they know people and its all just avenues. playing the long game.

I did find though that allowing myself a year of hiding out - I did all of those things but inside I was keen to settle ito a good and healthy routine - I got up, I ate, went to work, came home, sat ate and watched telly or went out with mum to get drunk or something - did the volunteer job - but didnt put myself about to go out clubbing or aything - .. just took a rest from all that - became a home body a bit - but it felt safe while I licked my wounds and put on a front for the new folk....
 
Thanks for al the hints pomp but i have to go for now, will reply later

So ectualy your saying just pret3ent till you feel changend?

Im defenetly gone do volentery work , i just don't wat yet but i looked around and there's plennty of nice sfuff
But at the moment i just feel like don't doing any thing ,i don't know why proberly just still withdrawal.
I'm looking for a hobby and plan to start working out agian soon ,when me legs feel a litte better.
But still i feel this is not gone change my and i will still have the same thoughts.

I just feel a little depresed and everything feels like sutch a big thing ,like its al far away.

All my friends go party and drink al thae time but i don't feel like doing that so there's not much to do ATM

This afternoon i was at outside in the sun i wend to the sea but i still feel so eamty and can't enjoy it. Whill normaly i would love this.
 
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thats ok babe - this is perfectly normal. its a phase you jus thave to push thorugh:

pretend til you feel changed? I am saying dont forget your self worth - whether you are proud of your life or not, despite any addictions etc - dont forget who you are - you might not like yourself as a whole because of your addiction but take heart in that apart from certain people - and most importantly yourself - no one knows and that gives you so much freedom when you meet new people - you remember that you dont have to say- hello, I am hazejunk and I am a recovering addict. You cvan say - hello I am hazejunk and I am very a big fan of whatever it is we are doing today.. what are we doing?


I am saying that its ok to love yourself even though you've got/ had an addiction. Its ok to say actually, I am good at this and I do love this and that thing I do always makes them feel warm and I know lots of stuff about this.... its ok to hold your head high even if you dont feel it. Its ok to love yourself. ... and th3e more you do - even though your heart or your heavy legs and apathy dont feel it - its ok to remind yourself that there is always hope.

I know that feelin go wanting to do things in your head but reality your legs feel heavy and your eyelids droop and people talk to you and all you see is their tongue burning up in flames. ...

but these people love you and its ok not to listen but if they are suggesting things for you - if family, its because they know you from thew outisde - you only know you from the inside and its a wholly subjective view, so sometimmes, take their advice not matter how ridiculous it seems to you because you are breaking the cycle - pushing yourself. trying someting new. things you hate can turn into things you love. hahaha look at opiates for example! hahahaha.

I am well proud of you for just going to the seaside if even if you didnt want to - or even not enjoying it - its ok - because iy will come back - that love. it will..

for me it comes in spells where i love life or I truly hate it. but each time ... dunno - somtimes I cant even lift my head to lok at the birds , which I know bring me so much joy in happy times that I laugh and jump and clap like a girl in the street 0 I dont care who sees me. I am laughing so who's losing out? I have a loaughing start to my day and all you can do is hmmph? fack off! ( I say to that weird lookers - in my head)

sometimes the crying spells come - for no reason at oh so inappropriate times. oh... i hate those. oh i hatet hose cos even if you dont talk about it, evferyone feels sorry for you for ever more.. no matter how happy you are forever afterwards... oh no. haha fuk em..... face them down. you can do it


.....giggle..... should this be a journal enmtry? hahahah


you'll cry lots soon too - but in a way - CHANGE YOUR THINKING - dont dread it - yes its shit but its all part of the healing process and in a way it freels good because you know you've made it to the next stage... like the crying uncontrollably is part of your body's way to ..... (just realised I dont have a joint.....oh.) (rectified) - your body's way to expunge - to expell the last of the toxins of the drugs - its a cleansing mechanism and your head will associate any reasong to your conscious mind to explain why you cry even though you dont really understand as yes you are unhappy but not CRY unhappy?? celebrate that cos that only lasts about a week or two...

um... changing the thinking - every cloud has a silver lining - and yes every silver lining has a cloud, ...... but its going to be ok.

you'll feel like youhqave many revelations alojng the way - i remember I posted a few long my way - feeling fresh resolve and it wanes then fresh resolve then it wanes - biut each wave of happy resolve ; - like s nake shedding its skin - you feeol new and that makes it worth holding on... just til tomorrow - one more sleep - tomorrow ifnot tomorrow, then it will be tomorrow - just.....


hope and hope and dont lose hope and its fake it to make it, but tthen again, the talent is all inside you. its ok to use it.

hope.
xx
 
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.....oh I am sorry,l I dont want to sound conceitced - but as that was partly autobiographoical, I just took heart from that. sorry. sorry, but that touched me.

journal entry? sometimes I do love myself! haha

is it freudian that i intially typo'd the do for dont and had to remove the nt?

thinking change: I am glad I spotted that and was happt to change it.

haha. easy!

xx
 
Ashley said:
You Pomplemous are a beautiful person. :)

Ashley.
Click to expand...

Couldn't have said it any better. I'm not too familiar with many of you, but your words MADE my day....thank you, Pomplemous. That "being a home-body and licking wounds" bit hit so close to home (no pun intended), How the hell did you just make me cry?
 
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fallor said:
Couldn't have said it any better. I'm not too familiar with many of you, but your words MADE my day....thank you, Pomplemous. That "being a home-body and licking wounds" bit hit so close to home (no pun intended), How the hell did you just make me cry?
Click to expand...

I cried too!

Ashley.
 
giggle. oops- not sure if I should be apologising, but ultimately I am not sorry. It hit me too to be honest - I tihnk I was half talking to myself also and so ... dont know.

just...it gets better, i priomise you. really really promise.
 
Hello,

you are so right about the crying thing pomplemouse.

you don't know what it is you are crying about and it doesn't really matter.
it just feels so much better afterwards:)
like clearing all the shit out with the tears. cathartic crying.

keep strong haze.
the 'fake it till you make it' is a 12 step saying i think...but someone somewhere 8( has also prooved that smiling, even when you don't feel like it, makes your happy chemicals stronger.:)
 
Oh i had a good weekend partyed vryday and saterday onely slept 4 hours since vryday. Made loads of new friends and i really feel a lott better.
Onely shit thing is that my feet is broken in 2 places, it heards but hell we where just acting stuppid and some one dropped a stone of about 50 kilo on my feet .....mmmmmmm

But i really feel good even with the very little sleep i had
Pomp you are great and ther's no need to apologigize , i loved youre storry and hints. thanks so much .

Love Harry

Oh yeah i found this girl i really like i,m going out with her tonight :)
 
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Eat well, drink lots of water and sleep well and exercise. Maybe some vitamins and 5HTP would help you recover if you've been hitting the drugs hard. I found the most useful were fish oil for good skin and other benefits, B Vitamins for stress and Vitamin C and garlic pills for your immune system. This keeps your body in good shape and looking good which helps your mind feel good. A healthy body goes a long way to thinking positively.

Exercise: it's lots of fun, a great waste of time and a good way to meet people. My favourites are:
-> Yoga because it is low impact and calming, stretching, while being a good work out.

-> Running or walking : getting out of the house, gives you some time to think but also some time to get away from problems or people causing you worries. Interesting stuff to look at and think about, music is a good companion.

-> Swimming : in a pool or in the ocean if it's the right season. It's winter down here in New Zealand so that's out for a while.

-> Weights : Get your body in shape, get rid of some stress and meet some gym people. If you have self-esteem issues like I used to, this can be a great help.

Meditation : You might even achieve enlightenment if you can stick at it but has a lot of earthly benefits too :P
Look for a how-to guide on the net or Bluelight. This helps you see problems in perspective and without the frantic, terrifying nature they can sometimes take on.

I don't know much about opiate addiction or the problems of withdrawal. I imagine the psychological addiction will be the hardest kick. Get yourself busy with your life and try to make goals, even if they are simple. Achieve them and move on to harder things. See a psychologist if you are feeling up to it, they give you perspective and it is always nice to have someone non-judgemental to talk to. Tell them anything and everything you feel comfortable with.

LOVE, and understanding Jono
 
Hee. atta BOY!!! that's just it - if you can lose yourself inlove with someone then that's ace too - nothing better to bring you renewed self respect and a desire to want to look and feel good and it all goes from there.

AND! oh weird as it sounds, i read once that studies showed that those people who walked tall and held their heads high, commanded more respect than those who slumped - I think they studied it at a check out counter of a busy supermarket - and those standing taller, the check out people were politer and more respectful and those who slumped were just checked out and away...

It made me proud when my big brother noticed that I walked tall and smiling and relaxed - and prouder to see his face that actually I learned that from him - AND it stands me in good stead - that this one time (in band camp) I was taking smack in a hovel with a bunch of robbers and we were talking about it and my man saud - you dont touch my woman ever, you understand me? (talking about robbing) and the man said no way, we wouldnt touch her anyway - she looks like she knows something!

they dont know that I dont know anything - other than I dont care enough to be afraid for my safety - but care enough to hold my head high and it works!!! But I get comments all the time for the way I walk - its just cos I am looking up - nothing else - looking up and smiling and standing tall - housemate says 'like royalty' another said 'like a model' - it makes me feel proud of myself. and improives your figure AND you wont get a hump when you are older!!! see the grannies around today? all stoopy? that;s why!!!

i sound stupid now, but I swear by it - people look at you and you feel like you are a numpty because you are not used to strecthing those muscles when you stand and walk - but its looks of a certain respect.
 
He pomp do you think it's smart to start a relationschip so soon after w/d?
I'm not that stable al the time and i read some where it's better to wait a whille
This girl would be really good for my though she a real good girl no drugs and stuff.
And i already walk with my head up because i'm pretty proud of my self for getting of methadone but still some time's i feel like shit, but even then i walk like a proud man.
 
^ very happy to hear it - it works honest! sometimes when you are walking happy and tall it makes you laugh out loud to be proud for yourself to feel that way. I love it. always.

Anyway.......... two minds on your question - personally I tink it is a great distraction for your misery - suddenly you want to look good for this person and that means you take care of yourself - you can see that with her no drug lifestyle that is just the kind of escpae you might need to latch on to and bring yourself out of a certain rut... I am all for that - I thin that is the injection of self respect that you could have - but only if you are planing to throw yourself into it and bring her as much joy and support as you know you will find form her - that's an escpae in itself - being loving to others.

but ... also I htink you have to be aware that you are on a journey right now and you are going to go through so many phases of recovery that sometimes you wont know your arse from your elbow (watch out for the 2 month phase! that one is a hard time lasting 2 months - but we'll be here for that too - and it is so worth it!!)
I thikn that for your own self preservation and hers, that you keep it light - cos one thing is thaty you are vulnerable right now and you are taking heart in the way she makes you feel kinder towards yourself after this last traumatic period - but ther is always a danger that you can lean on someone too much because they are ther e- and they dont want to let you down but aan addiction is a long thing to get over... that can hurt you more if it doesnt work and send you back - so try to do it as much on your own as you can - but yes see her.
 
Yeah i will just take it easy with here, i'm not sure if she knows about my addiction.But almost evybody knows i life in a small town so i gues she knows.
If not i hope it won't scare here. shit thing is i just found out i haven't got any money at the moment. But tomorow is pay day so i think i will cancel to night and i feel like a wreak ATM because of the weekend. There's loads of things to do here soon. She is a really dememding girl though and i'm not sure if i'm ready for that. + it's been a long time i had a girl with the smack adiction and all, and methadone tottaly destroid my libo, i didn't even look at girls ,so it's pretty scarry after 3 years.
 
meh meh meh! chatter chatter - go on keep thinking and talk yourselfout of it. haha

shaddap! you have to throw yourself in and if you ensure you dont fall in love with her then as you talk like that - then you can use that strength and demand that will be of you - to keep going. I had jus tthat kind of demanding girl in my life when I was at your stage - my baby niece and lordy - it hasnt stopped - look, the time you spend with this girl is going to be how many hoursout of your day? you can do it for that long cant you? plenty of time for 'me-time', no?

get on with it! hungover or not - just get on with it - nights like this turn out to be really good ones sometimes.
 
Ok your right i'm going out with her tonight ,i'm just a big pussy
she cald my 3 time's today to something with here ,it's just fuckedup i'm broke but she keeps on comming with new idea's and the last one thous not cost any money so now i don't have a excuses any more. so here we go

Thanks pomp
 
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