BrokedownPalace
Bluelight Crew
Seriously? I never really thought I would be posting in the Dark Side, but my life honestly cannot get much worse. Sure, that sentence is probably heard 83 times a week here, but regardless, my situation is just utterly horrible.
This is very long, and I am sorry. I guess skip to the bold at the bottom to get the summary of it. Thanks for reading regardless.
I am not looking for any solutions here, but I guess I just need to vent.
Well, where to start.. I'm 21 years old. An only child, I had moved out after high school, but my father was battling an ongoing illness and health issues, and I moved back home in 2008 to be closer to him. Last June ( 2009 ), he finally passed away from liver failure. He contracted hepatitis C in Vietnam. I loved my dad so much. He was always there for me, even when he was feeling like complete shit. Always involved in my life, sports, supported me, etc. Couldn't have asked for me. My family never had much money, but my Mom and Dad loved me very much and my childhood was fine. My mom used to be a hippy, and my dad was a Biker after vietnam. But they knew the values of life and taught me how to live properly. I miss him very much.
So, it is just my Mom and I now, and she also has some health problems like diabetes and some nerve issues. But, she is doing ok. Can't work, but gets some money from the government.
Personally, I am currently going to the methadone clinic. I had a nasty IV heroin problem, but have been clean for almost six months. I guess thats about the only good thing going for me.
Last november (2009), I got diagnosed with cancer. Hodgkins Lymphoma. The chemo therapy I did, did not work, and now I need a bone marrow transplant, which may not work either. I'm slowly dying. I also have degenerative disk disease, anxiety, depression... I am in chronic pain but can't get help. I have a drug history, no health insurance, no money.. OH well.
My mother was supposed to inherit the disability benefits my father was receiving, after he died. After 8 months of deliberations the government DENIED us. Now since I cannot work, and my mother cannot work, we get barely 1500 dollars a month.. To pay rent, eat, etc.. Not working. Gonna end up homeless.
A few days ago, my mother had a minor stroke here at home, I called the ambulance and luckily got her to the hospital. She ended up having a 90 percent blockage in her carotid artery in her neck. She had surrgery, so she should be ok. Still in the hospital til next week, so I am struggling at home on my own.
Everything that could possibly go wrong in our lives, has. Also, my girlfriend of 4 years broke up with me. I am trying to stay positive, and hope things will get better.. But honestly sometimes it just seems that there is no fucking way that that could happen. I just don't know anymore. Why is my family so unlucky, that we deserve all of this to happen to us in the past few years? It is just utterly not fair. I dunno.. Sorry for this long fucking rant, I just needed to get it out. Thank you so much if you read this, but I understand if you didn't. Thank you bluelight, you have always been there for me. I hope everyone else is doing better than I am.
Summary: I am 21 years old. My Father died last year. Only child, moved back in with my Mom. She is in the hospital now, had a minor stroke last week. I got diagnosed with cancer last year (lymphoma) and it isn't really responding to treatment. I need a bone marrow transplant to hopefully make me better, but the prognosis is not good. I also have degenerative disc disease. I am in chronic pain, and slowly dying. I had a nasty heroin problem, i'm currently going to the methadone clinic, I guess that is the only good thing I have going. My girlfriend of 4 years broke up with me 5 months ago. The government denied my mother and I the death benefits we were apparently entitled to after my father died. We can barely afford to eat. We are both sick. She has diabetes and problems with her legs, she cannot work. Lasat week, she had a minor stroke and I had to call 911. LUckily i got here to the hospital in time, she should be ok. I guess that is about it. I dunno. It's just not fair. Oh, I also suffer from anxiety and some depression, and PTSD. One last incident was I got held up at gun point in newark last fall, and kidnapped for 2 days and beaten and almost got shot. Somehow got let go, but never told anyone or the police. So much trauma in our lives. I just want to cry sometimes.
-Mike
This is very long, and I am sorry. I guess skip to the bold at the bottom to get the summary of it. Thanks for reading regardless.
I am not looking for any solutions here, but I guess I just need to vent.
Well, where to start.. I'm 21 years old. An only child, I had moved out after high school, but my father was battling an ongoing illness and health issues, and I moved back home in 2008 to be closer to him. Last June ( 2009 ), he finally passed away from liver failure. He contracted hepatitis C in Vietnam. I loved my dad so much. He was always there for me, even when he was feeling like complete shit. Always involved in my life, sports, supported me, etc. Couldn't have asked for me. My family never had much money, but my Mom and Dad loved me very much and my childhood was fine. My mom used to be a hippy, and my dad was a Biker after vietnam. But they knew the values of life and taught me how to live properly. I miss him very much.
So, it is just my Mom and I now, and she also has some health problems like diabetes and some nerve issues. But, she is doing ok. Can't work, but gets some money from the government.
Personally, I am currently going to the methadone clinic. I had a nasty IV heroin problem, but have been clean for almost six months. I guess thats about the only good thing going for me.
Last november (2009), I got diagnosed with cancer. Hodgkins Lymphoma. The chemo therapy I did, did not work, and now I need a bone marrow transplant, which may not work either. I'm slowly dying. I also have degenerative disk disease, anxiety, depression... I am in chronic pain but can't get help. I have a drug history, no health insurance, no money.. OH well.
My mother was supposed to inherit the disability benefits my father was receiving, after he died. After 8 months of deliberations the government DENIED us. Now since I cannot work, and my mother cannot work, we get barely 1500 dollars a month.. To pay rent, eat, etc.. Not working. Gonna end up homeless.
A few days ago, my mother had a minor stroke here at home, I called the ambulance and luckily got her to the hospital. She ended up having a 90 percent blockage in her carotid artery in her neck. She had surrgery, so she should be ok. Still in the hospital til next week, so I am struggling at home on my own.
Everything that could possibly go wrong in our lives, has. Also, my girlfriend of 4 years broke up with me. I am trying to stay positive, and hope things will get better.. But honestly sometimes it just seems that there is no fucking way that that could happen. I just don't know anymore. Why is my family so unlucky, that we deserve all of this to happen to us in the past few years? It is just utterly not fair. I dunno.. Sorry for this long fucking rant, I just needed to get it out. Thank you so much if you read this, but I understand if you didn't. Thank you bluelight, you have always been there for me. I hope everyone else is doing better than I am.
Summary: I am 21 years old. My Father died last year. Only child, moved back in with my Mom. She is in the hospital now, had a minor stroke last week. I got diagnosed with cancer last year (lymphoma) and it isn't really responding to treatment. I need a bone marrow transplant to hopefully make me better, but the prognosis is not good. I also have degenerative disc disease. I am in chronic pain, and slowly dying. I had a nasty heroin problem, i'm currently going to the methadone clinic, I guess that is the only good thing I have going. My girlfriend of 4 years broke up with me 5 months ago. The government denied my mother and I the death benefits we were apparently entitled to after my father died. We can barely afford to eat. We are both sick. She has diabetes and problems with her legs, she cannot work. Lasat week, she had a minor stroke and I had to call 911. LUckily i got here to the hospital in time, she should be ok. I guess that is about it. I dunno. It's just not fair. Oh, I also suffer from anxiety and some depression, and PTSD. One last incident was I got held up at gun point in newark last fall, and kidnapped for 2 days and beaten and almost got shot. Somehow got let go, but never told anyone or the police. So much trauma in our lives. I just want to cry sometimes.
-Mike
