aLinkToTheAss
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jan 26, 2018
- Messages
- 73
I was always a good kid. Not in school. I never didn?t just goof off, but drugs weren?t something that I was okay with. Now I?m convinced they should all be legalized for mankind to further progress, and my hesitation was a result of complex societal psychology, and propaganda. Never the less, some people get really, really carried away riding that rainbow bicycle, and I was (am) one of them. It all started when I smoked the devils lettice one night while recovering from a cold, with who was at the time, what I thought was a friend. He stole a lot of shit from me over the years.
It didn?t do a whole lot the first time, but the placebo was still fun, and the night was a change that my brain wanted to go with. So it did. My cannabis use continued throughout high school, and just kept increasing, until it was daily. I?m now addicted to weed. I don?t get withdrawals, but I don?t feel like I have control over when I can stop. Weed hasn?t really benefited either. It just makes me either really boring and tired, or really funny and social. The latter being pretty fun, granted. My grades were never good, but they sure as shit didn?t get better.
Now for the psychedelics. Same guy that introduced me to weed brought over some mushrooms. I wrote my first trip report already, but I?ll summarize it. Waited an hour or so, started feeling really euphoric, and than the walls started breathing, and I?m blown the fuck away. My friend dipped cause I was out of mind for the rest of the night, which would get tiresome for an observer. I freaking loved mushrooms, and wanted to increase my dose from 1.5 to 3 grams. A terrible idea, I?m glad I didn?t get the money for. 2g was what showed me that they mean business, and aren?t just a drug, but a creator, and destroyer of worlds you would like to believe are real.
I should probably mention that I have high functioning autism, or aspergergers for those who still know what that is. My trips definitely aren?t normal, and it?s far too difficult to accurately explain the difference. Knowing the nature of psychedelics, I?m sure it?s possible for anyone to randomly have an autism trip under the proper set and setting.
They are easier to navigate once you get used to it, and seemingly more emotionally difficult a time the beginning.
After an intense flashback of sorts from my 3rd mushroom trip induced by weed, I had my first psychotic episode. For about 2 weeks I was severely paranoid of my subconscious, as well as dissociated from my body. The lack of sleep only impeeded recovery. This was without doubt the most difficult part of my life, but it wasn?t even a month. Adolescence only makes such things harder too, which I didn?t really consider. However I?d like to think the rapid brain development makes healing from trauma orders of magnitude easier. Faced with insanity, I abstained from any psychedelic use for half a year, and was too different to enjoy for even longer.
When I started getting into psychedelics again, I decided to take some acid, which is really freaky in high school, cause it?s almost never real. What ever I got lasted like 18 hours, and was NOT LSD. I think it may have been a DOi, like STP.
the trip was still incredible, though definitely a lot crazier than real acid, and more ego obliterating. I thought I had reached enlightenment later that night, while watching crazy music videos with my former step dad.
The trip was rather intense, and though not bad, I didn?t take ?acid? again for a while. Mushrooms seemed a lot more fun. When I did take acid again, my life changed forever. I don?t know what it was, and I don?t really think it was acid either, but man was this trip crazy. Definitely the weirdest story of my life, and I did some stupid shit. I?ll write the full trip report at some point, but I?m saving it, as it?s probably the best one by leaps and bounds. Overall, probably considered by most an overwhelming, and all and all bad trip.
I was mentally fucked for months, and was completely delusional. Convinced that aliens were keeping me trapped in a temporal loop, where my life goes to shit forever. The benefits and knowledge that came from this I know realize drastically outweigh the painful nature of the experience. My life is finally clear, and my future looks bright, but the future is far, and there was a down side I never considered.
Romance was never my forte, what with my autism and all, but that?s doesn?t mean it isn?t the most incredible part of life. I was lucky, and found a girl that I can hardly describe in text on the internet in 8th grade that made my life nothing but incredible. How could I be so young and have found content like this, I haven?t the foggiest. We were together for by far the best 3 and a half years of my life. We never formally dated until 8th grade, but we had become best friends the year before, and shared many romantic danishes at the local coffee shop. Riding the train, and going on adventures all over downtown salt lake. It was magic, and I cry every time I think about it.
That poor girl had to see me lose my mind, and understandably broke up with me eventually. I?d give anything and everything to undo the damage I caused, because I?ve seen a wide selection of other girls, high school and otherwise. They all suck. That one understood me, and I never understood her, and I loved that about her. If you?re reading this, I?m sorry. I didn?t chose the drugs knowingly. I?m an idiot. I thought I was choosing music, and philosophyover the human weeknes of love. I don?t love music. I am music. I don?t love knowledge. I a man knowledge. I love you, and the thought of loving someone else makes my head spin. I?m going to rehab now, and I hope you can forgive me.
In the end, just be carful. Drugs show you things you can?t unsee, and while that?s often seemingly timeless and sublime, the damage it can cause isn?t something someone can fully understand until it happens. I like the stories, and I like telling them more. I like the perspective, and I like feeling understanding of why we?re here. I?d trade it all to relive that day in that tree.
P.S.
You never showed me your poetry.
It didn?t do a whole lot the first time, but the placebo was still fun, and the night was a change that my brain wanted to go with. So it did. My cannabis use continued throughout high school, and just kept increasing, until it was daily. I?m now addicted to weed. I don?t get withdrawals, but I don?t feel like I have control over when I can stop. Weed hasn?t really benefited either. It just makes me either really boring and tired, or really funny and social. The latter being pretty fun, granted. My grades were never good, but they sure as shit didn?t get better.
Now for the psychedelics. Same guy that introduced me to weed brought over some mushrooms. I wrote my first trip report already, but I?ll summarize it. Waited an hour or so, started feeling really euphoric, and than the walls started breathing, and I?m blown the fuck away. My friend dipped cause I was out of mind for the rest of the night, which would get tiresome for an observer. I freaking loved mushrooms, and wanted to increase my dose from 1.5 to 3 grams. A terrible idea, I?m glad I didn?t get the money for. 2g was what showed me that they mean business, and aren?t just a drug, but a creator, and destroyer of worlds you would like to believe are real.
I should probably mention that I have high functioning autism, or aspergergers for those who still know what that is. My trips definitely aren?t normal, and it?s far too difficult to accurately explain the difference. Knowing the nature of psychedelics, I?m sure it?s possible for anyone to randomly have an autism trip under the proper set and setting.
They are easier to navigate once you get used to it, and seemingly more emotionally difficult a time the beginning.
After an intense flashback of sorts from my 3rd mushroom trip induced by weed, I had my first psychotic episode. For about 2 weeks I was severely paranoid of my subconscious, as well as dissociated from my body. The lack of sleep only impeeded recovery. This was without doubt the most difficult part of my life, but it wasn?t even a month. Adolescence only makes such things harder too, which I didn?t really consider. However I?d like to think the rapid brain development makes healing from trauma orders of magnitude easier. Faced with insanity, I abstained from any psychedelic use for half a year, and was too different to enjoy for even longer.
When I started getting into psychedelics again, I decided to take some acid, which is really freaky in high school, cause it?s almost never real. What ever I got lasted like 18 hours, and was NOT LSD. I think it may have been a DOi, like STP.
the trip was still incredible, though definitely a lot crazier than real acid, and more ego obliterating. I thought I had reached enlightenment later that night, while watching crazy music videos with my former step dad.
The trip was rather intense, and though not bad, I didn?t take ?acid? again for a while. Mushrooms seemed a lot more fun. When I did take acid again, my life changed forever. I don?t know what it was, and I don?t really think it was acid either, but man was this trip crazy. Definitely the weirdest story of my life, and I did some stupid shit. I?ll write the full trip report at some point, but I?m saving it, as it?s probably the best one by leaps and bounds. Overall, probably considered by most an overwhelming, and all and all bad trip.
I was mentally fucked for months, and was completely delusional. Convinced that aliens were keeping me trapped in a temporal loop, where my life goes to shit forever. The benefits and knowledge that came from this I know realize drastically outweigh the painful nature of the experience. My life is finally clear, and my future looks bright, but the future is far, and there was a down side I never considered.
Romance was never my forte, what with my autism and all, but that?s doesn?t mean it isn?t the most incredible part of life. I was lucky, and found a girl that I can hardly describe in text on the internet in 8th grade that made my life nothing but incredible. How could I be so young and have found content like this, I haven?t the foggiest. We were together for by far the best 3 and a half years of my life. We never formally dated until 8th grade, but we had become best friends the year before, and shared many romantic danishes at the local coffee shop. Riding the train, and going on adventures all over downtown salt lake. It was magic, and I cry every time I think about it.
That poor girl had to see me lose my mind, and understandably broke up with me eventually. I?d give anything and everything to undo the damage I caused, because I?ve seen a wide selection of other girls, high school and otherwise. They all suck. That one understood me, and I never understood her, and I loved that about her. If you?re reading this, I?m sorry. I didn?t chose the drugs knowingly. I?m an idiot. I thought I was choosing music, and philosophyover the human weeknes of love. I don?t love music. I am music. I don?t love knowledge. I a man knowledge. I love you, and the thought of loving someone else makes my head spin. I?m going to rehab now, and I hope you can forgive me.
In the end, just be carful. Drugs show you things you can?t unsee, and while that?s often seemingly timeless and sublime, the damage it can cause isn?t something someone can fully understand until it happens. I like the stories, and I like telling them more. I like the perspective, and I like feeling understanding of why we?re here. I?d trade it all to relive that day in that tree.
P.S.
You never showed me your poetry.
