ActiveA
Bluelighter
I didn’t get the perfect upbringing a lot of kids do.
My home life was perfect, my family was loving and supportive but socially I was an outcast. I was diagnosed with extremely severe ADHD at the very late age of 17; subsequently I lived the majority of my childhood as a social outcaste due to my impulsive nature. This impulsiveness led me into all sorts of trouble. I was spawned into this world proper fucked.
At the age of 11 my family moved to the country for my mothers work. One of the conditions of this meant I was sent to a private boarding school. Now I’m a mix of Chinese, kiwi, Scottish and English, but I have olive skin. I wasn’t into torturing the local wildlife like most of my peers; instead I was into pyrotechnics, not explosives but proper rockets and anything that sparkled. To a bunch of hicks after the terrorist attacks that occurred on September 11, the new kid with olive skin who to them looked middle eastern, who was into pyrotechnics and was a bit odd due to his impulsiveness lead to me being bulled, both physically and emotionally to the point of suicide for 4 years. I fought back, all up I’ve almost done a decade of martial arts, just so I could fight back. Those years left a gaping mental scar on my brain, leaving me with severe depression, anxiety and a lack of social skills. I spent those 4 years preparing my self for war, with a ruthless sense of hatred for the world I had grown up in.
When I moved back to Sydney at the age of 15, I discovered cannabis. The ability to stop myself from thinking, as I’m naturally a very anxious person was too good to be true. I fell into very hard-core drug use, trying everything under the sun except for Heroin, Crack and Methamphetamine. I used the drugs to escape from my own horrific reality of depression and self-loathing. The only drug class i can honestly say that has helped me has been psychedelics. My first blotter of LSD made me realize i was actually a good person, and my self loathing was a product of imagery set in by being bullied and told I was that way. Saying that, it took me a long time to come to terms with that.
In 2009, I was raving quite a bit. I had met this guy at a rave, and within 2 weeks he offered to take me to a Doof. I went to a Doof. The love and the people I discovered there was the only thing I held onto for the 2 years I lost my mind.
It kept me sane.
They opened me up to the possibility that all the opinions I had formed about the world, the ideals of hatred and self-loathing I had developed from being bullied were wrong. That Doof showed me love, a concept so alien yet so beautiful to me at that time that it saved me from suicide.
In February of 2010, I was dropping large amounts of LSD with 2 people i thought i had grown close to (or, thought i had). One of them was a very angry person, much like myself but to a greater level. Ever heard of the expression ‘he’s a man who just wants to watch the world burn’? That is what this person was; hatred in its purest form.
One night we dropped 4 of the strongest tabs. He had a bad trip and during the course of his trip he tried to rape and kill both of us. The other friend of mine didn’t have a violent background and subsequently was unable to defend himself. I did what any decent person would do. I saved both of our lives that night; I ended up calling the police. I restrained him to the point where the nurses in the hospital thought I had broken my forearm and the knuckle of my index finger through attempting to restrain him. I got pepper sprayed on 4 tabs of acid and lost my mind for almost 2 years to trauma. I look at that night as the best night of my life, and the worst, it destroyed my mind yet woke me up to myself.
I put my nose to the grindstone after that traumatic night and studied my heart out. As a result I’m currently in my second year in one of the highest-level generalised Graphic Design degrees in the country, A Bachelor of Design in Visual Communication with a credit plus average.
I got my mind back about 6 weeks ago.
Through my own efforts, and the beautiful hippies who knew what I went through and subsequently guided me to the best of their abilities, i found the light. Those people have raised me, shown me that love and light is the way to a better future, being the best person you can be.
I’m not even 20 years old. Love and light to all.
My home life was perfect, my family was loving and supportive but socially I was an outcast. I was diagnosed with extremely severe ADHD at the very late age of 17; subsequently I lived the majority of my childhood as a social outcaste due to my impulsive nature. This impulsiveness led me into all sorts of trouble. I was spawned into this world proper fucked.
At the age of 11 my family moved to the country for my mothers work. One of the conditions of this meant I was sent to a private boarding school. Now I’m a mix of Chinese, kiwi, Scottish and English, but I have olive skin. I wasn’t into torturing the local wildlife like most of my peers; instead I was into pyrotechnics, not explosives but proper rockets and anything that sparkled. To a bunch of hicks after the terrorist attacks that occurred on September 11, the new kid with olive skin who to them looked middle eastern, who was into pyrotechnics and was a bit odd due to his impulsiveness lead to me being bulled, both physically and emotionally to the point of suicide for 4 years. I fought back, all up I’ve almost done a decade of martial arts, just so I could fight back. Those years left a gaping mental scar on my brain, leaving me with severe depression, anxiety and a lack of social skills. I spent those 4 years preparing my self for war, with a ruthless sense of hatred for the world I had grown up in.
When I moved back to Sydney at the age of 15, I discovered cannabis. The ability to stop myself from thinking, as I’m naturally a very anxious person was too good to be true. I fell into very hard-core drug use, trying everything under the sun except for Heroin, Crack and Methamphetamine. I used the drugs to escape from my own horrific reality of depression and self-loathing. The only drug class i can honestly say that has helped me has been psychedelics. My first blotter of LSD made me realize i was actually a good person, and my self loathing was a product of imagery set in by being bullied and told I was that way. Saying that, it took me a long time to come to terms with that.
In 2009, I was raving quite a bit. I had met this guy at a rave, and within 2 weeks he offered to take me to a Doof. I went to a Doof. The love and the people I discovered there was the only thing I held onto for the 2 years I lost my mind.
It kept me sane.
They opened me up to the possibility that all the opinions I had formed about the world, the ideals of hatred and self-loathing I had developed from being bullied were wrong. That Doof showed me love, a concept so alien yet so beautiful to me at that time that it saved me from suicide.
In February of 2010, I was dropping large amounts of LSD with 2 people i thought i had grown close to (or, thought i had). One of them was a very angry person, much like myself but to a greater level. Ever heard of the expression ‘he’s a man who just wants to watch the world burn’? That is what this person was; hatred in its purest form.
One night we dropped 4 of the strongest tabs. He had a bad trip and during the course of his trip he tried to rape and kill both of us. The other friend of mine didn’t have a violent background and subsequently was unable to defend himself. I did what any decent person would do. I saved both of our lives that night; I ended up calling the police. I restrained him to the point where the nurses in the hospital thought I had broken my forearm and the knuckle of my index finger through attempting to restrain him. I got pepper sprayed on 4 tabs of acid and lost my mind for almost 2 years to trauma. I look at that night as the best night of my life, and the worst, it destroyed my mind yet woke me up to myself.
I put my nose to the grindstone after that traumatic night and studied my heart out. As a result I’m currently in my second year in one of the highest-level generalised Graphic Design degrees in the country, A Bachelor of Design in Visual Communication with a credit plus average.
I got my mind back about 6 weeks ago.
Through my own efforts, and the beautiful hippies who knew what I went through and subsequently guided me to the best of their abilities, i found the light. Those people have raised me, shown me that love and light is the way to a better future, being the best person you can be.
I’m not even 20 years old. Love and light to all.
