Heroin How is the life of a heroin addict / user?

[fabriclondon]

Sheeeesh. I'm so glad I'm off that shit. Every second of every day was spent on the hunt for a few bags. I realize when I'm clean just how many days/months/years fly by during active addiction. I suck so bad when I'm using! I'm a manipulative, lying, BORING, lazy scumbag when I use. Yuk.

 

[tightlywound]

I think I am missing something. How do you shoplift an item of clothing, turn it into store credit, buy a Home Depot gift card and head to a scrap yard and get $250-$300 dollars? Copper wire is worth something under $2 a pound so you are talking about 150 pounds of copper for an item of clothing? I'd like a scam like that!

However, I do understand living on the floor of an apartment you can't pay for and living like an underfed dog. What is "car hopping?" I DO know about fucking the family over. In my life, that lasts forever. My brothers still don't speak with me. I started junk at 17 and am 63 today. At any rate, God bless you. I hope you can find some kind of recovery. I had to do MMT.

1) at Meijer (Walmart of the midwest) you can (or could) return items w/ no receipt for store credit, and buy a gift card for another store w/ it. 2) at that point (2012) copper wire was over $4/lb and we were stealing like 15-20 huge rolls at a time ...I didn't carry them around enough to estimate their weight (thanks Mr. tightlywound), but they were heavy, I couldn't carry more than one at a time, we stole the biggest rolls they had. we stole them at the self checkout by my boyfriend scanning a SKU for a tiny $4 copper wire package instead of the SKU on the rolls (they cost like $80), and me distracting the self checkout monitor w/ a bunch of stupid questions about the flowers I was "buying" aka paying for w/ an empty visa prepaid and saying "oh my I don't know what's going w/ the bank let me call them and I'll come back" once my boyfriend was safely packing the rolls into the car ...funny I once got about $90 worth of free flowers and houseplants because the cashier person thought I was just so nice and "had such an interest" in the flowers that it didn't matter that my card got declined. xP worked every time.

"carhopping" is checking every car in a crowded parking lot to see if it's unlocked and taking whatever you can out of the unlocked ones ...risky business for sure. we were desperate sometimes.

 

[tightlywound]

It's weird, I have a different experience generally...for me heroin seems to be mainly a psychological addiction. The whole thing about "WAKE UP DOPE SICK, NEED HEROIN NOW! Text dealer, drive into the ghetto to cop", I don't get that...I've gone through WD a couple times but it's always surprised me when I realize that I'm in WD because it doesn't happen often. Also, I don't need to go anywhere to get heroin. It would come to me.

But, despite being primarily "mind driven", it is still a very real compulsion and when the idea of going out and getting high initiates in my head, it's nearly impossible to stop. You have to nip that shit in the bud really fast, because once it reaches a state of critical mass it's just about impossible to resist. The thing about heroin which really bothers me is that it's so tempting to use when you're sad or depressed...it doesn't always start out as that but it usually becomes that, or so it seems to me. What started out as a fun bit of recreation becomes a coping mechanism and it's not good when that transformation starts. You realize that it has begun to sink its claws in you.

But yeah, the constant, brutal war-of-attrition to prevent being dopesick? Of constantly being on the hunt for heroin just to feel normal and not be an incapacitated, puking, sweating mess? No, I can't relate to that. At least not yet

yeah I miss those days. I remember a post years ago I made on here about being a "recreational" heroin user. hah. all it takes is time. more for some less for others.
I'd tell you to get out while you still can if I thought there was any chance of you listening to me but I won't.

 

[AZtarDetroitpowder]

1) at Meijer (Walmart of the midwest) you can (or could) return items w/ no receipt for store credit, and buy a gift card for another store w/ it. 2) at that point (2012) copper wire was over $4/lb and we were stealing like 15-20 huge rolls at a time ...I didn't carry them around enough to estimate their weight (thanks Mr. tightlywound), but they were heavy, I couldn't carry more than one at a time, we stole the biggest rolls they had. we stole them at the self checkout by my boyfriend scanning a SKU for a tiny $4 copper wire package instead of the SKU on the rolls (they cost like $80), and me distracting the self checkout monitor w/ a bunch of stupid questions about the flowers I was "buying" aka paying for w/ an empty visa prepaid and saying "oh my I don't know what's going w/ the bank let me call them and I'll come back" once my boyfriend was safely packing the rolls into the car ...funny I once got about $90 worth of free flowers and houseplants because the cashier person thought I was just so nice and "had such an interest" in the flowers that it didn't matter that my card got declined. xP worked every time.

"carhopping" is checking every car in a crowded parking lot to see if it's unlocked and taking whatever you can out of the unlocked ones ...risky business for sure. we were desperate sometimes.

Haha car hopping.. Reminds me of myself and those damn near close calls back in the day... Good times

 

[Burnt Offerings]

yeah I miss those days. I remember a post years ago I made on here about being a "recreational" heroin user. hah. all it takes is time. more for some less for others.
I'd tell you to get out while you still can if I thought there was any chance of you listening to me but I won't.

*shrug* I value people's opinion, especially with people with experience...but then again I've done heroin for about 2 years, crystal methamphetamine for about 5 years, and illegal drugs generally-speaking for the last 10 years of my life, so its not like I haven't talked to a LOT of people in real life who say that drugs are bad (and know that from personal experience). And you can see what good that has done me!

I don't hold any illusions about it. I know that if I continue to be an injection drug user, my life won't be long.

 

[Project Will]

I spent a number of years addicted to heroin and benzos. Benzos were always easy to get, with a million webpages that sell them for cheap. Once my tolerance to benzos skyrocketed from 1-2mg of xanax per day to 20mg+ per day I made the mistake of using high doses of RC benzos namely flubromazepam, etizolam and diclazepam.

Around the point when my benzo tolerance went way up is also about the time I moved from pills to heroin. I started with hydrocodone, but as the APAP is tough on the liver and I was taking upwards of 10-20 lortab 10/325s per day, I then went to 40mg opana. After a while I was spending a lot on opana 40s, taking 3 or 4 per day so for economic reasons switched to heroin. I was never a big oxy fan - I always liked the more sedating opiates such as hydrocodone and oxymorphone.

All this time I maintained my white collar life and was a secret drug addict - no friends or family (including my wife) knew I was physically addicted. They all knew I used drugs but not to that extent. And none of them had any idea I was doing heroin. I also snorted all my dope - shot it occasionally but it would have been impossible to hide track marks from my wife.

My daily routine was to wake up with a handful of benzos and a few lines of dope. Take a shower and look presentable on the outside and head to work, where I did a shitty fucking job at everything and continued to snort heroin throughout the day. Get home from work and do fuck all, watching netflix and being a piece of shit. To get drugs I did my fair share of copping on the street, but for most of my serious addiction I ordered all my drugs online with bitcoins from a now-defunct website that drew lots of media attention a couple years back.

There is no feeling quite as bad as checking the mail all dope sick and waiting for a big bag of H only to find it isn't there and knowing I'd have to wait another day to get my dope. High dose loperamide was extremely handy in those cases. On the other hand, there is no euphoria better than getting a package of dope in the mail - way better than any high I'd get from the drugs.. especially once my tolerance got to 1g+ per day and the only time I ever got high was first dose of the day and first dose after going into early withdrawals. Man I still get a knot in my stomach whenever I get a priority USPS envelope in the mail haha.

I know there have got to be the rare person out there who can chip, and probably a lot of people who think they can chip but just haven't given it enough time for their addiction to truly blossom, but I am not one of them. I knew what road I was going down and accepted early on that I was a drug addict. I saw the whole lifestyle as glamorized, as dumb as that sounds looking back on it.

Heroin has a way of encompassing every aspect of life - everything I did and most everything I planned for was based in some way around my using, making sure I had enough and making sure I could get more. I was super depressed, boring to be around, emotionally vacant and living in constant fear of being found out. It was fun at first but once tolerance built all the fun was replaced by that need to use and fear of not getting dope and going into withdrawals. Every vacation I took, including my honeymoon, I was afraid my stash would get busted going through security or that I'd run out on my trip. Somehow putting all the fear and anxiety into words just don't do it justice. The fear and complete hopelessness of it all is overwhelming, and present on a constant basis.

While I can't relate to being homeless and stealing to get my next bag, I can say with confidence that those years of my life were the worst I've been through and I never want to go back to that. I had a ton to lose and came very close to losing it all, and had I not quit would most certainly be broke, jobless and divorced.

I got clean a little over a year ago and it has been amazing how much better life gets without all the bullshit involved in feeding an addiction.

If you are thinking of trying the lifestyle I would tell you not to, but I know some dude telling you not to do heroin on a random drug thread likely wont change your mind. And if anyone out there is struggling with addiction I'm always here if you want to talk and I won't pass judgment or preach at you.

 

[Istaay]

Honestly for me and my boyfriend it's very normal, I've used much longer than him and when he first started a lot of things got ruined as far as relationships and him controlling himself but now he can and me and him are better, I've always been very functioning besides the fact I'm constantly paranoid and scared of getting withdrawals or running out ect, which is no fun at all, but all in all were normal he works construction, I work in retail, we have a nice car and we can use reasoning like we will pay the car payment and be dope sick for a week instead of risking being carless or homeless and be like some people who lose everything but it's always scary that that's such a common thing and possibility. we bond like when we're high were more personal and open its easier to talk about things, like a week or so ago he brought up something about when I was 14 (we've been together five years now lol) and I could not believe he remembered and would talk about something so personal, I know there's better ways to bond and everything but we're so close, I'm always scared of one day him liking the drug more than me but I try not to worry about that now.

 

[belfort]

Life was fine when I could afford my habit. I'd wake up, shoot up, and then go to school late every day. Then, once home, I'd shoot up again and chill watching a movie or some shit. Then I'd eat, do whatever, and at around 11pm I'd shoot up and go to sleep. If I has work I'd shoot up before work as well. If I missed a day or something I'd feel a little sick the next day but it was no problem, I'd just shoot some more.

Present day I am jobless with several vehicles all of which are pretty much devoid of gas/fuel with a card that declines and I'm pretty desperate for some money, so I can't get heroin much anymore.

hmm i agree, in the early stages of addiction when you can still easily afford your habit, you almost think life is too good to be true..you get to feel this great high 3-4 times a day..you dont have any problems really, nothing that doesnt wash away with a single injection..then tolerance starts to build, that is the problem..shit i remember at the beginning of my habit $40 would leave me sky high all weekend!that same $40 amount i would need to just kill the withdrawals at the end of my ADdiction..