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Heroin How is the life of a heroin addict / user?

Lys3rgic

Greenlighter
Joined
Apr 6, 2016
Messages
4
If you use heroin or similar opioid I am interested to know with how your day goes, your routine, and if your substance use affects your job or living situation. Just curious because most heroin users seem to be in quite a hole yet there are still people here on this forum that use it. Thanks in advanced and i hope i didn't offend any of you :)
 
The ones not stuck in the hole are probably just starting out or in their first year of use. The hole is inevitable.
 
I don't know about heroin but I was a daily high dose oxy user and basically your life revolves around getting pills...i could totally function but every thought I had and everything I did centered around getting high and making sure I didn't run out especially if I had work, family functions, etc. I just tried heroin for the first time mostly out of curiousity and I can def say I prefer oxy...kind of off topic, but that is my 2 cents....I was a high functioning addict, but it fuxked my life up nonetheless
 
I've used for a year or two. First smoking heroin (and occasionally snorting), then injecting it.

All in all my life isn't that bad...I have a car, a house to live in (that I rent, which kind of sucks, but...), I have a respectable-enough profession & I'm reasonably well educated. I also have a minimal criminal record and someone who didn't know me on a very personal level wouldn't even know about my habit. Have met plenty of other users who've had it real bad compared to me...lives of hardcore addiction, homelessness, violence etc. Compared I'm practically living the dream right now.

I'm almost always broke, though. That's what it seems like lately, anyway. :)

What I really dislike about heroin is that it puts you into contact with other users, and a lot of them really piss me off or make me depressed. As far as a "social scene" or community goes, it probably doesn't get any worse than heroin IMO. I'm currently trying to stay away from the drug. It's not a good thing to regularly inject narcotics into yourself, IMO...when I was just smoking a little tar on occasion it felt like a secret but harmless enough little vice of mine, *sigh* those were the days...

One thing I've learned is that people come to heroin through all sorts of varied reasons...I came to it mostly out of boredom and to treat my own physical pain (the result of non-drug related health problems), while others have used it to self-medicate trauma, because they grew up in a heroin-using family, because they were former prescribed opiate patients, or maybe because they just got caught up in a "party all the time" phase in their life...? All sorts of reasons
 
There's such a picture that people paint of heroin addicts, living on the streets begging for money, that does happen, but not in every case. I was a painkiller (opiate) abuser, I got up of a morning in withdrawal, soaked in sweat, if I didn't have the tablets I would spend my day finding some online or telling lies to my dr to get an early script. This didn't happen too much tho, as I bought them online so usually had an unlimited amount although it cost me so much money :( they were all I thought about, I didn't eat, they came before anything! I planned my holidays around them, days off work I didn't wanna socialise, I wanted to be alone, high. I was obsessive, I knew how many tabs I had left down to the last mg. I was moody, lazy, refused to do housework. Would go to bed excited to wake up as I knew that the morning dose was always the best high. Nothing else mattered. I stopped in January, I'm on a buprenophine detox, 10mg a day, barely covers withdrawals but I refuse to go higher so I'm just about coping, I still obsess, still want opiates badly, I'm not healed yet, but I'm in a hell of a better place than I was in December. No more drug seeking, lying, etc. Money to treat myself and my kids, it's fantastic. But I do have shitty days, where I feel like giving in and taking a handful of painkillers. That's basically my life as an addict, everyone differs but I'm sure others can also relate as each story is similar no matter what type of opiate was taken xo
 
It's about as satisfying as paying someone to publicly kick you in the balls (vagina), and lead you around with a leash and chain. Sound fun? Try heroin!
 
back when I was using D....

wake up in withdrawal, text the dealer.. if he didn't respond in under 5 minutes I knew something was wrong, 5 minutes go by I start panicking. My mind is RACING I'm literally freaking out right now, 15 minutes go by but like fuck man its only been 15 minutes maybe he's taking a shit?

God dam theres this black mass slowly creeping into my soul, death, withdrawal, horrible things flood my mind I hate my life Im gun be sick, really bad dope sick is coming and there is NOTHING i can do to stop it (except get high of course)..... its been 35 minutes now... and all of a sudden my phones lights up.. its him....... all that blackness just dissipates.. I'm gun be fine.. "k" he says.... confirming our meet in the next hour at CVS....

seriously the feeling you get when the dealer texts you back after a time has passed is very euphoric.. knowing you won't end up facing the dope sickness its great.

so all this, all these thoughts and paranoia and depression, happiness occurring all in under 40 minutes. I go downstairs, suddenly I don't feel my morning withdrawals anymore... Im ok... today is going to be a good day. Hop in the car, put on my music... I can't smoke a ciggarate yet because I would throw up for sure... smoking while withdrawling= death.. Its a short drive from a house,about 20 minutes.

Pull into the parking lot... I wait a few minutes... constantly looking out my windows for cops or ghouls or monsters, anything really. Then his gold mercedes truck slowly pulls into the lot, he's here. Pulls up next to me, we make small talk about the cars as usual, I hand him an empty pack of ciggs with my $40 in it (he won't meet for anything under 35). he throws me the 8 bags rolled up into my car.

"thanks". he pulls away... I wait a few minutes as ordered because according to him its suspicious if we leave at the same time and God forbid I upset him... the guy is a fucking maniac.. not chill at all.... he's nits btw.

I do my dope, slam 3 bags... the rush is great... I say out loud "this is why I live this life"... 2 bags for lunchtime.. and then 3 more for nighttime.

I go home and nod out for hours. Lunchtime comes I do more bags, then nod out some more. Around 6 or 7 at night Ill do my last shot

go to sleep, wake up up, do it all again.... and this btw was only on the days I had money. The days I didn't were scary as shit, waking up thinking "how the fuck am I gun get $40" that would be literally the first thought as I opened my eyes... Horrible horrible life.

Im on subs now doing ok... 4 years on subs I like it... but I am still haunted by those using days
 
^^dude great write up, sums up nicely the reality, I think most users can relate to it, the dealer-phone part worrying and waiting until the msg is spot on.

Im glad youre ok tho, while Im sure a part of you misses it, a big part is also relieved to be free of that constant invisible chain, I hated that myself, freaking endlessly worrying how and when, the panic if at the time you had only one connect and their phone was off, absolute misery..
 
Yeah MSG that kinda made my stomach turn. Reading that thing about texting and waiting like yeah id be all like "he got busted he got busted what am i going to wander the ghetto.. im going to have to" and it would seriously be like 15 minutes after i texted him. Like now i just smoke weed and sometimes that guy takes hours to get back to me or just doesnt and i never think he got busted.

But yeah my entire life revolved around dope. I held full time work the entire time and still have the same job i did but i would be thinking about dope or using that as motivation to go to work and try to stay late. I never missed a single day of work as a junkie because i relied on that shit for dope... I take mad time off now LOL
 
when I was a heroin junkie (as opposed to buprenorphrine junkie hah) my day looked like this -- wake up sick. if there's any money left over from the previous day ($20-40 maybe), get a few caps (.1g, up in Ohio they sell heroin in caps) and get well first, then start the day. if there's enough gas in the car then drive w/ my boyfriend to Meijer, shoplift an item of clothing and walk back in and return it for store credit, use store credit to buy a Home Depot gift card, then head to one of the 6 home depots in the tricounty area and SKU scam copper wire (we had quite a routine for this), then head to the scrapyard. get our $250-$350 from the scrapyard and buy a gram of H, it's mid morning to midday at this point depending on when we woke up, head home and get nodding. sit around, go on the internet, socialize w/ neighbors, walk the dog, do regular life things. in the late afternoon buy another gram, get fucked up again. eventually I got a job, so after that happened I'd head to work in the evening, I worked a waitressing job at Steak n Shake so I got tips, anywhere from $40-150. when I got off work at 4am, get home, wake up my boyfriend, call our boy who was always available at odd hours and cop more dope.
if we wake up sick as shit w/ no money, no gas and either no work till 8pm or no work at all that day we'd have to make some calls and "figure something out." either teaming up w/ someone who had gas money to do the home depot routine, or just calling a friend or going over to see a neighbor and somehow talking our way into a free fix. or sometimes our one boy would give us his "shopping list," items he wanted from the store, and my boyfriend would go shoplift everything and he'd trade us caps. or we'd drive down the road to a shopping center and "carhop" for quick cash and various pawnable items. we were always, always, just trying to find enough money somehow someway to get well/high. I should also note that at the time we were living in a messy apartment w/ no bed, sleeping on blankets on the wood floor, that we hadn't paid any money on for rent since the initial deposit (and we lived there for 6 months, our landlord was pretty chill). we were truly living the junkie lifestyle.
you don't even want to know how bad it got when we moved across the country into my parents house to "get clean" and switched over to pills due to the lack of H in the area. I really fucked my family over. =/
 
After reading through this post I am seriously glad I have absolutely no access to H. I've been on pills of various types for 10+ years now and I know if I ever got access somehow I'd be tempted, for sure.

I will never look for it and never have, I'm just glad it has never looked for me.
 
it sucks having your whole happiness depend on whether some asshole dealer calls you back.
 
I don't know about heroin but I was a daily high dose oxy user and basically your life revolves around getting pills...i could totally function but every thought I had and everything I did centered around getting high and making sure I didn't run out especially if I had work, family functions, etc. I just tried heroin for the first time mostly out of curiousity and I can def say I prefer oxy...kind of off topic, but that is my 2 cents....I was a high functioning addict, but it fuxked my life up nonetheless

yeah ive been both an oxy addict and heroin addict..with Oxy, even though i had a steady supply and it was somewhat affordable my life still revolved completely around the drug..i went to work and came home, i did oxys..snorting oxy was my main past time or hobby and i look back and think wtf..i isolated myself from friends etc etc..

heroin was a different game..i noticed quite quickly that i was developing a serious habit fast..on heroin you are totally consumed by heroin, where is your next fix..if you one of the 'lucky' ones and you can buy 3-4 days worth at a time, it still doesnt matter because there are thoughts lurtking in the back of your head of getting more after u run out..the life of a heroin addict is no fun at all...i wish i could transform many average joes into my shoes when i was dopesick and broke..

i do wonder how life is for those on heroin maintenance..is it a functional life at all as you still have to go to the clinic 2-3 times a day..uggh i thought going to the methadone clinic once was bad..lol..
 
it sucks having your whole happiness depend on whether some asshole dealer calls you back.

yes it does and boy do those minutes seem like hours when you are anxiously awaiting that phone call back...ugghh..i remember my dealer was cool but i would blow his phone up every 2-3 minutes til i knew he was en route..i couldnt handle being a heroin dealer either lol..
 
I think I am missing something. How do you shoplift an item of clothing, turn it into store credit, buy a Home Depot gift card and head to a scrap yard and get $250-$300 dollars? Copper wire is worth something under $2 a pound so you are talking about 150 pounds of copper for an item of clothing? I'd like a scam like that!

However, I do understand living on the floor of an apartment you can't pay for and living like an underfed dog. What is "car hopping?" I DO know about fucking the family over. In my life, that lasts forever. My brothers still don't speak with me. I started junk at 17 and am 63 today. At any rate, God bless you. I hope you can find some kind of recovery. I had to do MMT.
 
It sucks OP. Can't go to work if you didn't save any for the morning, taking a two hour lunch break to go cop (I have an hour drive to my closest connect), worrying about running out of dope, running out of money on Tuesday when you don't get paid until Friday. It's really no different than a serious pill habit (more than 200mg of oxycodone or any oxymorphone habit). The life sucks and most don't realize it until they're past rock bottom.
 
Life was fine when I could afford my habit. I'd wake up, shoot up, and then go to school late every day. Then, once home, I'd shoot up again and chill watching a movie or some shit. Then I'd eat, do whatever, and at around 11pm I'd shoot up and go to sleep. If I has work I'd shoot up before work as well. If I missed a day or something I'd feel a little sick the next day but it was no problem, I'd just shoot some more.

Present day I am jobless with several vehicles all of which are pretty much devoid of gas/fuel with a card that declines and I'm pretty desperate for some money, so I can't get heroin much anymore.
 
My daily routine starts with a dose at the clinic. This shit has gone on since I was 17. Today 63. I really want to get high but cannot find a way to do it. It's gone. Back in the day, I wrote scripts for Class A narcotics. That was thrilling but iffy and scary. Thank God I never got caught. I remember waiting for some asshole dealer to show up. Then one day the punk burned me for $160. I got lots of drugs for different surgeries but that never lasts. I have only been on the clinic for one year. I did it a couple of times before but got off because I was worried about warrants and kicking in jail.

I tried 12-step but that didn't work well. I robbed a hospital and got nine years. What a pay-off! I did professional scams but then you have the cops looking for you and everyone else. I calmed down at my old age. I was an LSD freak the first time I was in college in 1973-74. That I loved.

Things are mighty fuckin' lonely these days. I am currently a junior in a state college and love it. I will never be young again but am truly grateful I am still alive. The last time I was in jail was in '02. Because I was legitimately on a pain clinic, they dosed me with Oxy 5's three times a day. This was in Ludlow, Massachusetts. I returned to my pain clinic the day I got out. They served me with 90 four-milligram Dilaudid (the regular) and I overdosed after shooting almost the whole script. Then, I went to detox. After being in jail! What a hoot.

The shit is endless. But I'll tell ya'. I get on my knees every morning and thank the Good Lord for another day above ground. I started shooting dope in the '70's with about 10 other guys. Myself and another dude are still alive. All the others died by 1980. I loved the drugs. The drugs do not love me. Mikie
 
It's weird, I have a different experience generally...for me heroin seems to be mainly a psychological addiction. The whole thing about "WAKE UP DOPE SICK, NEED HEROIN NOW! Text dealer, drive into the ghetto to cop", I don't get that...I've gone through WD a couple times but it's always surprised me when I realize that I'm in WD because it doesn't happen often. Also, I don't need to go anywhere to get heroin. It would come to me.

But, despite being primarily "mind driven", it is still a very real compulsion and when the idea of going out and getting high initiates in my head, it's nearly impossible to stop. You have to nip that shit in the bud really fast, because once it reaches a state of critical mass it's just about impossible to resist. The thing about heroin which really bothers me is that it's so tempting to use when you're sad or depressed...it doesn't always start out as that but it usually becomes that, or so it seems to me. What started out as a fun bit of recreation becomes a coping mechanism and it's not good when that transformation starts. You realize that it has begun to sink its claws in you.

But yeah, the constant, brutal war-of-attrition to prevent being dopesick? Of constantly being on the hunt for heroin just to feel normal and not be an incapacitated, puking, sweating mess? No, I can't relate to that. At least not yet ;)
 
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