That is really scary and I can't fully imagine what that is like but it's really good you made it hopefully are safe now ..
I am not sure if I have all the answers, I wrote this in a flash cuz I was really feeling terrible and I hate having uncertainty about my health situation - No idea if I am having benzo withdrawal, or side effects, or just regular panic, the symptoms seem to overlap a lot. Either way I have noticed that these panic attack flareups are a LOT more frequent since i started using these meds, which kind of sends me into a loophole of having to take them and then feeling awful without, it's got high potential for addiction
And I got these meds from my psychiatrist after a severe depressive episode that was just crying multiple times each day would occasionally spike into suicide attempts from just feeling very miserable. I got these meds to treat like mental anguish and that is gone seemingly for the most part but now the physical symptoms are really up in my face
Got it. Okay, so thank you very much for all of the detailed information you were able to provide me so I can better navigate you through this difficult time in your life. I took time to kind of organize the thoughts/feelings you presented which I will address in the proceeding:
1.) Track your symptoms and medication use. A simple log of when you take the alprazolam as well as the dose will be useful. Based on what you have told me you are not addicted, but without such a log it is difficult to pinpoint exactly what is happening here. Once a log is created, the situation can be re-assessed, but in the meanwhile take the medication as needed to address the anxiety. This anxiety will be dealt with in the following steps I present, and you will later reassess your consumption and plan to come off of the medication. Until your underlying condition is addressed, it is not advised that you discontinue the medication.
In your log be sure to also document any symptoms you have before and/or after taking it such as those you are describing here. Also be sure to reflect on triggers such as certain situations, times of day, or stressors which correlate with your symptoms. This will help assist you (and whoever is providing you with therapy now or in the future) to distinguish panic attacks from possible withdrawal symptoms.
KEEP IN MIND: Your sporadic taking of the medication due to fear of addiction may well be what is exacerbating your panic disorder.
2.) As your doctor said, increase the dose if the current one is not working. While this is advisable in the case that you are taking it regularly, I feel it is more advisable to stop being concerned with addiction to the drug and to take it as necessary. Again, it seems to me that your reluctance to take the medication as prescribed due to fear of dependency is worsening your situation which is typical/common. You can address a physical dependency later, but by being fearful of such you are potentially making your condition worse. Having a physical dependency is
NOT the end of the world, and having one in the short-term while you work through this period of your life is much better for your mental health and health more generally speaking than allowing yourself to stay in this cycle of self-torture. It may seem counter-intuitive, but trust that your doctor, your psychiatrist, and the BLer who has dealt with hundreds of people over the past 25 years who struggle with mental health issues and/or addiction problems when we say these things. We have no reason to lie to you, and besides that: why would we all be saying the same thing here?
When you are actually ready to come off of these medications, your psychiatrist and doctor will work with you to create a
SAFE plan to come off of this medication. Keep in mind this is no different than having to take opiates after a major operation for example! Drugs are not inherently addictive, and it isn't unsafe to use them for therapeutic purposes. I am all for harm reduction by limiting intake, but please put your mental health first here and trust the medical professionals who are trying to work with you. In the meanwhile, see if they think an SSRI such as citalopram, escitalopram, or paroxetine may be helpful to you. Furthermore, inquire as to whether or not a trial of the non-benzodiazepine medication for anxiety disorders buspirone may be of use to you as well. There are multiple ways this can be being addressed in addition to the short-term treatment with benzodiazpines, and based on the symptoms you present I highly suggest looking into getting onto an SSRI for the longer term.
If you are able to manage to get onto an SSRI with good response, then the benzodiazepine use can be terminated sooner.
3.) Obviously, you are going to need to go to therapy for whatever the underlying cause of these mental issues might happen to be. While some aspects of mental disorders are inherently genetic, there is usually some type of underlying trauma or trigger(s) that need addressed. This can take months or even years after developing a solid working relationship with your therapist, and thus the reason I suggest looking into the non-benzodiazepine options with the help of the psychiatrist while you continue to use the benzodiazepines as needed until you are stabilized.
Additionally, I
highly suggest that you join a support group for those struggling with mental illnesses such as anxiety disorders as well as one for those who struggle with depression as well even though that's since passed because you never know who you will be able to help by sharing your experience by attending. These type of groups typically prove
immensely beneficial for those who are struggling with the type of situation you are currently handling. A therapist is great, but groups often supplement in a way that a single person is not capable of doing no matter what. These groups can provide shared experiences, coping strategies, and emotional support. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy through a therapist is an excellent start, but there is definitely a whole range of options available that can help. Many such groups are online, and I take part in certain ones myself from time to time so as to help those who are specifically suffering from addiction problems. Soon I will be running my own group for such as well because I have enough experience in dealing with handling mental health/addiction related issues that I want a way that I can give back more generously to those who are struggling than just by Bluelight alone.
4.) As far as specific ways to help manage panic and physical discomfort that I can think of off the top of my head include:
a.) Grounding techniques such as describing five things you see, four things you hear, three things you feel, etc.
b.) Breathing exercises such as slow, deep belly breaths to reduce the physical intensity of anxiety. In through the nose, fill the belly, then the chest, then hold for a count of three and exhale through the mouth. This is the best breathing technique for anxiety I know of off-hand.
c.) Lifestyle changes such as more consistent sleep, more balanced diet, regular exercise (even light exercise is helpful)
5.) After about a month or so of keeping a log and considering everything else I have just mentioned and incorporating it into your plan, then you can come back and present us with an update at which point we may be better able to assist you if you are struggling. However, I believe that if you consider all of the advice I just gave and keep an open mind and are honest with yourself and others that you will find that over the course of the next month or two you will be making great progress toward recovering from the anxiety disorder you are currently suffering from. If you need anything additional, feel free to reach out. Or, if you have any additional input or questions after reading the above feel free to reply. I am off to get some rest here shortly, but I will keep an eye on this thread and my inbox and will make myself available as much as possible if needed.
Best wishes to you!!
