Recovery How I stopped using cocaine

[jessicaspiral]

Hey all,
I wanted to share my story here in the hope that it might be of use to others.

I'm a 30-year-old female creative based in London, UK, and I've been clean and sober from alcohol and drugs for almost 2 years. I don't struggle day-to-day, I don't avoid places or triggers, I really don't think about drugs or alcohol at all. I'm content with my life and I feel fulfilled.

I remember browsing this forum when I was in the midst of pretty bad cocaine addiction. At first I was just using because I was a bad drunk, and coke sobered me up, but pretty quickly that evolved into getting high every time alcohol touched my lips. So a lot. I'd always set out the night swearing I wouldn't use, then seemingly against my will it would be 8AM again and I'd be two grams deep. My personal relationships, work and finances were all suffering, and the time I wasn't spending using I was spending OBSESSING about how not to use. I came up with so many schemes and plans (moderating my drinking, moving away for a change of scene, not hanging out with certain people), but nothing worked.

So I decided the final straw was to try a 12-step-program. I thought all I'd have to do was attend meetings and somehow I'd get sober. I didn't realise for a long time that meetings wouldn't get me sober. To get sober I had to get a sponsor, work the 12 steps and have a spiritual experience. Because I didn't have the power to get sober by myself, I needed something outside of me. I'm not saying that's the case for all addicts, but it was for me.

Does that sound a bit weird? Yeah, the spiritual side did to me too. But I was desperate to give up drugs and willing to try pretty much anything. So when my sponsor asked me to get down on my knees and pray I was like. Fuck it. I tried it. And I can't explain what happened, and I don't know why it worked, but after that day I've honestly barely thought about drugs or alcohol since. I've been to Ibiza raving, I've been to a beer festival for a friend's stag do, and I actually enjoy this stuff now because I'm not on drugs.

If anyone else is struggling with drug addiction and wants to find out more about recovery in the fellowship I use (DAA - drug addicts anonymous) feel free to inbox me and we can chat.

Cheers
Jess

 

[ions]

It only costs $3 to harvest a kg of coca leaves

 

[Jabberwocky]

well done!!

i've never heard of DAA, but I'm in NA. i couldn't get clean in the rooms. like i couldn't even be clean in the rooms, i'd smoke crack in the toilets or be nodding out in my chair. i had to go to rehab, but after that, i threw myself into NA. do you have any info on the difference between DAA and NA? i'm intrigued.

i'm now 18 months into my recovery and pulling back from NA a bit, my sponsor told me i needed to 'get a real sense of my higher power' because tbh i don't think she was satisfied with my step 2. well, a year later i have done no more step work, don't have a sponsor, but am still attending meetings and am searching through my higher power via buddhism. i've done loads of courses in that and am now on a waiting list for a more intensive course so though i feel guilty for dropping the formal NA work, I took the spirituality of the program to heart and that informed my path.

 

[jessicaspiral]

well done!!

i've never heard of DAA, but I'm in NA. i couldn't get clean in the rooms. like i couldn't even be clean in the rooms, i'd smoke crack in the toilets or be nodding out in my chair. i had to go to rehab, but after that, i threw myself into NA. do you have any info on the difference between DAA and NA? i'm intrigued.

i'm now 18 months into my recovery and pulling back from NA a bit, my sponsor told me i needed to 'get a real sense of my higher power' because tbh i don't think she was satisfied with my step 2. well, a year later i have done no more step work, don't have a sponsor, but am still attending meetings and am searching through my higher power via buddhism. i've done loads of courses in that and am now on a waiting list for a more intensive course so though i feel guilty for dropping the formal NA work, I took the spirituality of the program to heart and that informed my path.

DAA is a 12 step program, but it was designed to take things back to basics and just stick to the principles of the big book of AA. it's really solution-based, so very focused on getting a sponsor, getting through the 12 steps as fast as you're comfortable with, and getting the vital spiritual connection you need in order to stay clean and start helping others. I think focusing on a spiritual path is great, and definitely at the heart of the program, but I found that I needed to complete the 12 steps and start passing on that message to others so I could feel useful/stay clean. check it out if you're interested, you can google drug addicts anonymous.

 

[Jabberwocky]

fair enough!! i was just really surprised that there would be another fellowship with basically the same audience that i'd never heard of!!! how come you chose DAA over NA?

i do feel guilty about not doing the steps and think i might pick them up again in the future with a different sponsor, but the green and gold NA approach is just too long, and i found i was having to contrive and do mental gymnastics to answer a lot of the questions about higher power. i think even the most devoted practising buddhist would find it difficult because they do seem to assume an interventionist god. it made it feel more like an intellectual exercise than something i was doing for my recovery. i think by continuing to attend meetings, modding on here, and being relatively open about my experiences irl mean that i am still passing the message on.