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  • BDD Moderators: Keif’ Richards | negrogesic

How does it feel to be addicted?

B

Byzek

Bluelighter
Joined
May 9, 2020
Messages
397
I was wondering how does it feel to be addicted to hard drugs like meth or heroin.
Do you feel like a slave?
 
It feels like being in a slowly progressing house fire, but all the doors and windows are locked from the outside and barred with iron gates, and you can't escape. At first, you can ignore the fact that the left side of the house is on fire. You might call the police or a friend for help, but they can't get inside either.

Eventually begin to be burned by the fire, you realize you're going to die, but the only way to escape is to summon immense strength to claw through a brick wall with your bare hands.
 
Snafu in the Void said:
It feels like being in a slowly progressing house fire, but all the doors and windows are locked from the outside and barred with iron gates, and you can't escape. At first, you can ignore the fact that the left side of the house is on fire. You might call the police or a friend for help, but they can't get inside either.

Eventually begin to be burned by the fire, you realize you're going to die, but the only way to escape is to summon immense strength to claw through a brick wall with your bare hands.
Click to expand...
Well just stop
 
Byzek said:
Well just stop
Click to expand...
I don't think you understand, but not your fault really. It's a difficult thing for someone to understand unless they've experienced it themselves. That's why they have Al-Anon and entire support groups for people who care about addicts but are not one themself.

Ask yourself why people commit suicide. Saying "just don't do it" doesn't really help much, does it?
 
It feels like all your most base level needs and desires such as hunger, sleep, sex, need to be loved, to belong, and for shelter etc.. are suddenly replaced by the one all consuming need of obtaining and using the drug. Nothing else matters. The drug comes before all those things, the drug becomes those things.

You will hunger for that drug as if it was a delicious meal and you haven't eaten in a week. It feels like that love partner that you can't live without. They just broke up with you and stomped all over your heart but your body breaks at the thought of them not being in your life. You can no longer function without the drug and life doesn't feel worth living or even possible without it. Its so all consuming it becomes life itself. There is no emptier feeling existence than that of an addict.
 
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Theres really not even any words to describe how patronizing it feels to be so stigmatized that you have to be insulted by those with such small minds.

If we could be as narcissistic as the rest of the world seems to be we wouldnt have drug problems. But we feel things so it gets heavy. Having empathy has side affects and being oppressed is a killer
 
Darn, that's the answer to all the ills of the world. If you have diabetes, just stop eating until you lose 30 pounds or so. Child molesters can just stop with the kids and politicians simply stop lying. All automobile accidents are easily avoided. Everyone just be more careful... wait, just stop driving.

Well, I'll be goshed.
 
It feels like your mom is hanging off a cliff with one hand screaming help me, but on the other side of the basin is a bag of #4 premium heroin and you're full blown dope sick, so not only is it disgusting but here are the thoughts that would run through your head:

1. I can get the dope, use it in time and still save my mom
2. Forget my mom she's old anyways I need the dope
3. Dope
4. Did someone say #4 premium dope? was someone screaming for help? oh forget about them someone else will save them
 
After being an addict for almost 20 years now I don't feel much of anything anymore. Maybe burnt out, no energy, no desire, no hope, no ambition, no confidence just burnt out dope head is all I feel like.
 
OpiateKiller said:
It feels like your mom is hanging off a cliff with one hand screaming help me, but on the other side of the basin is a bag of #4 premium heroin and you're full blown dope sick, so not only is it disgusting but here are the thoughts that would run through your head:

1. I can get the dope, use it in time and still save my mom
2. Forget my mom she's old anyways I need the dope
3. Dope
4. Did someone say #4 premium dope? was someone screaming for help? oh forget about them someone else will save them
Click to expand...
#4 premium heroin there is only one, you know
 
No,
I've never truly felt like a slave, at least not in a negative sense.
If you mean do I feel like a slave when i'm arrested for using drugs & then forced into a tiny cage? Possibly then.

If your addiction is causing you financial trouble, then yeah it's going to suck. And you're going to feel like a 'slave' to it.
If you have a consistent source for it, it can be smooth sailing. This makes a difference if you include prohibition into the context.

If it's a drug that's causing you harm in your life or to your organs/brain, then yeah you're pretty much a slave & probably need help.

So it really varies by person. There are a lot of people who can't handle drugs but accidentally get physically dependent and then they usually blame the drugs for all their woes, which is some what reasonable if they didn't truly know they were going to end up dependent.

It also depends on which definition of "addiction" you go by. Most people think of dependence as addiction. Or just as somebody who can't control their intake.
Is some one who uses heroin but can control their intake an "addict" then? If they end up dependent? Or are they just some one who's dependent but enjoys their dependence? Addiction & dependence are two different distinct things but they do overlap a lot.

If I used heroin everyday & was dependent, but didn't go crazy with it & it caused me no drastic quality of life reduction, than would I still be considered an "addict"?
If by an addict we mean some one who just needs drugs, no matter what they are & just goes crazy with them... well, ironically I'm only an "addict" when I don't have opioids then. lol Since when I have them, it's a lot easier for me to say no to any other drugs.

At the end of the day, one could say I'm also a 'slave' to water & food, since I have to eat & drink it to stay alive. Is it a bad thing? Well that would be entirely subjective, as is this question. So there are always going to be a million different answers.

Anyone ever feel like a slave to sobriety? Which is worse? Again, pretty subjective.
 
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It simply feels like being yourself, the worst but the only possible version of you. It feels natural and unnatural at once.
Addiction is the road and the vehicle and the journey at the same time: you think you will be able to come back home but you won't, because every single mile you made gets erased behind you. You will never be your past self again, but it becomes a ghost that hunts you every second. You keep going and shame, guilt or regret dissapear because there is not proud, joyce or satisfaction to balance them out. There is only endless pain to avoid and temporary relief to find.
You know you are going nowhere, but you can't stop, so you keep going. Because it is not a travel anymore, it is a fate.
The whole idea of sobriety becomes as remote as childhood and as uncertain as death.
Sometimes you think about God and wonder wtf does God thinks about you. You wonder if you still have a soul to be saved or, at least, to be punished. It doesn't really matter, pain is all that counts and relief is all you need,

So you keep going.
 
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