Well what kind of things are you talking about? What kind of lifestyle do you lead where you encounter lots of situations where other people decide out of the blue that they want to fight you? That doesn't sound very productive.
-
The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
Posting Rules Bluelight Rules Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines Bereavement Mindfulness Suicide Support Anger Management -
TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android
How do you manage your anger?
- Thread starter OverDone
- Start date
Well what kind of things are you talking about? What kind of lifestyle do you lead where you encounter lots of situations where other people decide out of the blue that they want to fight you? That doesn't sound very productive.
Lolie
Bluelighter
I absolutely agree with you that you should try to leave the situation and that people should not prevent you from doing so (I wish I understood why the fuck people do this), but the anger still belongs to you no matter what the trigger. You get angry. Other people do not "make" you get angry. Other people do stuff and you respond with anger.
Every single person I've known who has the "veil of rage" kind of anger you describe has put someone in hospital (I'm talking broken limbs and more here) sooner or later - and "they made me angry" didn't fly in court. Some of them ended up being subjected to compulsory treatment orders because while the inability to contain their rage might not have been their "fault", exposing other people to that risk was considered unacceptable.
I think when you know that you're capable of that level of anger you have to look at managing it before a crisis in the same way that it would be managed following the mother of all incandescent rages.
Help?!?!
Bluelighter
None. I haven't fought anyone in years. Doesn't mean people still don't try on the rare occasion.
That was me years and years ago. When I was a child anything set me off. Things are different now and I was just trying to give someone advice with how to deal with anger, thats it. Last but not least I can't even remember the last time I had a full blown black out incident its been so long.
blahman8000
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Dec 3, 2009
- Messages
- 691
I usually just bottle it up, which you really shouldn't do. If I'm all by myself and can get away with it, I'll punch the shit out of stuff and scream, which is awesome and probably healthy if it's not destructive to others or yourself.
If you can't flip out, then blasting fucked up heavy metal music should offer some comfort.
If you can't flip out, then blasting fucked up heavy metal music should offer some comfort.
OverDone
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Apr 14, 2008
- Messages
- 5,404
Sorry if I am not seeing things as they are but aren't those a pair of Doc Marten's next to your name? You have the skinhead tough guy look going on from your photos which I personally would not be intimidated by at all. I realize you may shave your head because you hairline is receding etc. None the less, you give off an image to people in that NA meeting. They don't need to see you angry or fighting. They see the rest of what you project. Now if you don't wear Doc's in real life or levi's and short sleeved pocket tee's then I am wrong
You can always count to ten before you blow or just say fuck it...it ain't worth the hassle!
I do have a history of running with S.H.A.R.P.s (Skinheads Against Racial Prejudice) back in the day and the mentality does carry over to a certain degree. I do wear my docs often and I can see what you are saying about projecting an image.
The meetings I go to are predominantly black. My sponsor is black and most of the folks I hang with are black as well. I would hope that someone who doesn't know me can see beyond the boots and see the genuine care and respect I have for the crowd I hang with
Thanks for your honesty, HMP
Last edited:
OverDone
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Apr 14, 2008
- Messages
- 5,404
Not sure how to respond to this. Either:
1) I choose my words poorly in my OP
2) You misunderstood my post
3) You didn't read my post
or my replies
I don't know anyone who snaps in the corporate world. We all know its a world of make believe. We play the game and then morph back into our true selves after our 9 - 12 our shifts. (you make it sound like I throw temper tantrums and randomly assault folks)
I hold my anger in and then sometimes it explodes. I haven't been in a fight in many, many, MANY years
Everyone is at a different stage of growth. Me? I am trying to become aware of my issues and address them (hence my post here). This post is me simply asking for help and suggestions. This is not the only place I bounce ideas off of. I have MANY people IRL that I consult as well.
I think I understand what you are trying to convey but perhaps, in this case as well
1) I am misreading your post
2) You chose your words poorly
The reality is, whether we like it or not, it is necessary to project a certain level of hardness to the the ones in passing. This is simply survival. The ones that we are close to see beyond that projected 'tough guy' appearance.
Ideally I truly believe that there are only 4 valid reasons to allow physical confrontation to occur:
1) To defend those you care about
2) To defend yourself
3) To protect someone who can't protect themselves
4) To defend an animal
I don't assault people if they call me names. That's ridiculous. I am very good with my words and simple name calling does not fly me into a rage.
I don't see anything wrong with calling myself out on my own shit and reaching out to others for advice on how to correct a flawed mentality.
Oh, I am WELL aware of others pain in the world. This does not minimize my own. Peruse some of my posts or Blogs and you'll see that I'm a pretty fucked up dude myself. Less than some, more than others. This still does not prevent me from actually CARING about others
Last edited:
ocean
Bluelight Crew
^Well Said OD .
Help me please
Bluelighter
You are the man without a doubt
Much respect for you OD. I like my Doc's too even though I am older than dirt. It's funny how people perceive us from just one look. I am covered in tats and piercings but till someone takes a close look they sort of get a bit scared of me and assume the worst. 90+ percent of my tats are religious and the 10% that aren't are covered by my clothing. Our new priest was really leary of me till I made him decifer the latin writings on my arms! Not like the cricifix that goes from my right shoulder to my wrist should have clued him in!You know if you practised smiling it might help
. The second photo you posted said you were smiling in it but uh...no, you weren't. Stand in front of your bathroom mirror and try to get your mouth to really smile. You're a handsome man and no reason not to. When you go to that meeting again smile and extend your hand in friendship. Maybe a fist bump thing...It's sad but unless you wear a tee shirt that explains you are NOT a racist skinhead you may still be perceived to be one at that meeting. Maybe when it's your turn to talk you could explain that part of yourself. Making a custom tee would be cool though.
Droppersneck
Bluelighter
Good old fashion road rage always does the trick. Just the other day I was driving through knoxville a some obvious UT students cut me off. I proceeded to speed up ride his ass all the way through traffic cussing my ass off. When I pulled up next to him I said very cleary "learn how to drive college boy" and you could really see his feeling of humiliation by my remark with his friends all around him. Thats how I get my rage out
Well you said it yourself, that at the slightest perceived affront by someone else you feel a desire to "correct" them. What does "correct" them mean? That sounds pretty unsteady.
And what does that mean, it's necessary to project a certain hardness? That just sounds to me like being the kind of person who tries to look for any opportunity to turn the slightest little problem or issue into a confrontation. I think people who are truly insecure go around playing that role to compensate. A regular person in control of themselves just behaves in a normal friendly manner but if someone is really trying to take advantage of them or wrong them, they'll stand up for themselves.
I'm just trying to say that the best thing to do is to just change your perspective. That's the solution. Trying to find different outlets for anger or a way to redirect it or something, that doesn't do anything to prevent you from feeling angry.
Like someone telling you that the solution is to just go and conduct road rage, ie. direct anger at strangers instead of friends and family, that's not really productive ultimately.
And what does that mean, it's necessary to project a certain hardness? That just sounds to me like being the kind of person who tries to look for any opportunity to turn the slightest little problem or issue into a confrontation. I think people who are truly insecure go around playing that role to compensate. A regular person in control of themselves just behaves in a normal friendly manner but if someone is really trying to take advantage of them or wrong them, they'll stand up for themselves.
I'm just trying to say that the best thing to do is to just change your perspective. That's the solution. Trying to find different outlets for anger or a way to redirect it or something, that doesn't do anything to prevent you from feeling angry.
Like someone telling you that the solution is to just go and conduct road rage, ie. direct anger at strangers instead of friends and family, that's not really productive ultimately.
NoPromiseMade
Bluelighter
I direct my anger towards people on the internet, knowing that I pissed someone off and hopefully ruined their day always gives me a sick sense of satisfaction.
^Dont actually do that.
^Dont actually do that.
Just a quick post cause its late, im tired and I'l probably not make much sense.
Really glad this Thread is up. Have been having a difficult time myself dealing with my Anger/Frustration/Intolerance ATM. Everything seems to be pissing me off, I'm having rapid emotional up's and downs and I'm weary from it. My partner and I are on a break, to boot , and he's the one person I could confide and entrust with how I'm feeling.(We're both 'Emotionally demonstrative'lol people but we work well at supporting each other in this way)
Anyway, my usual rule of Thumb for myself, is to talk my Anger out till I get to the vulnerability stage and then I usually have a good hard Sob(by myself, or even better if D's there)-this usually clears my mind of any clogged up emotion and unencumbers me from the weight of that Anger and Confusion.
Can understand that this may be different for a guy however; dunno how you are with breaking down emotionally....?
Find/Maintain people who you can trust/will listen or be understanding about how you feel. Im at home with my family at the moment and its all very repressed and stifling and I feel like a complete lunatic!
So perhaps, make a concious effort, to surround yourself with non-triggering people and if your stuck with people who trigger you then walk away or talk yourself down in your head, or like someone mentioned in an earlier post, Detach yourself from the situation and you can process things later in a 'safer' space where you dont feel your exposed.
Also,when you recognise and become aware of any triggers, moderate any stimuli which may be fuelling your anger. These may include Movies, Music, People, News Bulletins, Places. This is not to say you strictly censor your lifestyle but if something is causing stress to build up in you-it's up to you to be Aware of it and act accordingly in your best interests. Know this may sound petty, but just bear in mind, that since your off substances you may be very sensitive to things which you ordinarily wouldnt have been before!
To know yourself and how you feel will empower you to deal with your Anger and help you use it more appropriatley and sublimate this energy into something you can use to your own Advantage.
I struggle with this issue too though, so am no expert. I get quite ashamed that I cant use my Anger Appropriately;I either hold it in, or Neurotically Spew it out at a later date usually when the issue in hand has long gone and I end up with myself feeling like a complete nut!!!
At times like these the ability to laugh at oneself really helps dissipate it- but this can be difficult when feeling so out of control.
...and btw anyone worth their salt wont judge you based on how you look alone, they may though, like you said be picking up on how your feeling uncomfortable with yourself, so just try and be kind to yourself and let yourself relax into being open to who you really are, and open to others too. Think the core issue is to nurture your own sense of vulnerability first, that way unwanted anger wont be impulsively recruited to substitute or overcompensate for that raw part of you that needs protection.
I remember an old friend of mine said something invaluable to me once, she said: ''Noone can take away your Essence from you! ''....they can hurt you or intimidate you but if your aware of your own power they can never break you!
Sorry if this is a bit obtuse OD, am falling asleep!Best of luck
Really glad this Thread is up.
Have been having a difficult time myself dealing with my Anger/Frustration/Intolerance ATM. Everything seems to be pissing me off, I'm having rapid emotional up's and downs and I'm weary from it. My partner and I are on a break, to boot , and he's the one person I could confide and entrust with how I'm feeling.(We're both 'Emotionally demonstrative'lol people but we work well at supporting each other in this way) Anyway, my usual rule of Thumb for myself, is to talk my Anger out till I get to the vulnerability stage and then I usually have a good hard Sob(by myself, or even better if D's there)-this usually clears my mind of any clogged up emotion and unencumbers me from the weight of that Anger and Confusion.
Can understand that this may be different for a guy however; dunno how you are with breaking down emotionally....?
Find/Maintain people who you can trust/will listen or be understanding about how you feel. Im at home with my family at the moment and its all very repressed and stifling and I feel like a complete lunatic!
So perhaps, make a concious effort, to surround yourself with non-triggering people and if your stuck with people who trigger you then walk away or talk yourself down in your head, or like someone mentioned in an earlier post, Detach yourself from the situation and you can process things later in a 'safer' space where you dont feel your exposed.
Also,when you recognise and become aware of any triggers, moderate any stimuli which may be fuelling your anger. These may include Movies, Music, People, News Bulletins, Places. This is not to say you strictly censor your lifestyle but if something is causing stress to build up in you-it's up to you to be Aware of it and act accordingly in your best interests. Know this may sound petty, but just bear in mind, that since your off substances you may be very sensitive to things which you ordinarily wouldnt have been before!
To know yourself and how you feel will empower you to deal with your Anger and help you use it more appropriatley and sublimate this energy into something you can use to your own Advantage.
I struggle with this issue too though, so am no expert. I get quite ashamed that I cant use my Anger Appropriately;I either hold it in, or Neurotically Spew it out at a later date usually when the issue in hand has long gone and I end up with myself feeling like a complete nut!!!
At times like these the ability to laugh at oneself really helps dissipate it- but this can be difficult when feeling so out of control.
...and btw anyone worth their salt wont judge you based on how you look alone, they may though, like you said be picking up on how your feeling uncomfortable with yourself, so just try and be kind to yourself and let yourself relax into being open to who you really are, and open to others too. Think the core issue is to nurture your own sense of vulnerability first, that way unwanted anger wont be impulsively recruited to substitute or overcompensate for that raw part of you that needs protection.
I remember an old friend of mine said something invaluable to me once, she said: ''Noone can take away your Essence from you! ''....they can hurt you or intimidate you but if your aware of your own power they can never break you!
Sorry if this is a bit obtuse OD, am falling asleep!Best of luck
Last edited:
DeMiZe-420-
Bluelighter
i know what this is like, i feel like you took the words right out of my mouth
certain remarks or acts of disrespect or disregard for my things, makes something in my brain click and i just wanna go into "beast mode" david banner style!
for example if i go out of my way to do someone a favor (lightweight expecting a favor in return *like them smoking me up*) and as soon as they get what they want they dont have time to chill, or cant spare a gram out of their half ounce..
such blatant acts of disrespect makes me wanna resort to violence alot
so what holds me back? 2 things
1. i actually have this fear that im going to SERIOUSLY injur the other person *Thats how mad i get*
2. Weed, my medicine and my savior
but if i dont have weed, then i usually end up with severely swollen knuckles by the next day from punching shit
OverDone
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Apr 14, 2008
- Messages
- 5,404
the whole point of my OP
OverDone
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Apr 14, 2008
- Messages
- 5,404
You are the man without a doubt
You know if you practised smiling it might help
It's sad but unless you wear a tee shirt that explains you are NOT a racist skinhead you may still be perceived to be one at that meeting. Maybe when it's your turn to talk you could explain that part of yourself. Making a custom tee would be cool though.
You know we need to see your ink and piercings now!!! Tell ya what... I'll post a pic of me smiling if you post your body art. Deal? :D
Yeah, we hug at each other at our meetings. I don't do that cheesy 'pat you on the back' hug. Nah, that shit is insincere. I squeeze the shit outta people!
They say the hugging in meetings is because we may never see each other again due to the nature of addiction. I like it. Hugging females is different though. I still hug decently but I don't want anyone to feel uncomfortable. I keep my chest kinda back so that boobs aren't squished against me. I don't want a female to think the hug is about a cheap thrill. I dunno, maybe I'm weird?People are conditioned to judge appearances, I think (I'm not proud of it but I do as well sometimes). It is kinda sad but I guess it takes effort to change that mentality
I just wanted to say that this is a brilliant thread. I'm not generally an angry person, but when I do get angry I wind up internalizing it, like I do with nearly everything negative, and make myself sick. I... I don't want to even think about what I would do if I ever lost control of a physical rage.
OverDone
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Apr 14, 2008
- Messages
- 5,404
The Game Plan
Okay... I'm not going to ask for suggestions and not place valid solutions into action so... I'm going to implement a simple, REALISTIC plan and if I can follow through I will add additional steps.
Here is what I plan on doing. If I can accomplish these few baby steps I'm certain I will have something to build upon and actually work on eventually ridding myself of this.
1) Meditate daily
2) Slow the fuck down in my daily activities
3) Read about Buddhist philosophies
4) Journal more
5) Begin piecing together some CBT techniques from online resources
6) Resume the pull ups, push ups and crunches (hopefully the meditation will help balance my theory that I become more aggressive from exercise.
I don't think that this is too much at once. I'm guessing that I'm the only one who can answer whether it is or not.
This will need to be a daily endeavor.
Thanks so much for your replies, honesty and sharing your own personal experiences with this.
I would still love to hear more!
lolie, you have a great deal of perspective and I'm grateful you have joined us here in TDS. Your gentle, straight forward, honest input is an AWESOME edition to this forum
/ass kissing
Anyone else care to join me in implementing their own game plan? Things are always better when done together
Okay... I'm not going to ask for suggestions and not place valid solutions into action so... I'm going to implement a simple, REALISTIC plan and if I can follow through I will add additional steps.
Here is what I plan on doing. If I can accomplish these few baby steps I'm certain I will have something to build upon and actually work on eventually ridding myself of this.
1) Meditate daily
2) Slow the fuck down in my daily activities
3) Read about Buddhist philosophies
4) Journal more
5) Begin piecing together some CBT techniques from online resources
6) Resume the pull ups, push ups and crunches (hopefully the meditation will help balance my theory that I become more aggressive from exercise.
I don't think that this is too much at once. I'm guessing that I'm the only one who can answer whether it is or not.
This will need to be a daily endeavor.
Thanks so much for your replies, honesty and sharing your own personal experiences with this.
I would still love to hear more!
lolie, you have a great deal of perspective and I'm grateful you have joined us here in TDS. Your gentle, straight forward, honest input is an AWESOME edition to this forum
/ass kissing
Anyone else care to join me in implementing their own game plan? Things are always better when done together
Captain.Heroin
Bluelight Crew
In my experience, I tend to find that cardio tends to be more anxiolytic/sedating than muscular exercise (which tends to get me "pumped" more than sedated/relaxed). This is just my perception of it though and I can't assert that it's correct/is true for many people.
Also, congratulations on the quality sexual relationship you have going for yourself! A lot of guys wish they could have just that (a quality 'friends with benefits' without any drama) so I am sure you feel like a pimp.
Finally, here's what I know about testosterone and opiates. When someone is a heroin addict, or when they are using opiates regularly/frequently, the full agonist opiates tend to repress the endogenous testosterone level. Over time, this can cause people to become agitated/irritable while on opiates.
When you come off of them, your testosterone production resumes. When it comes to hormones and affect, a steady hormone level produces positive/ideal affect. Having a slightly repressed testosterone level and then going back to normal production, at first, will be somewhat like going through puberty again. The initial hormonal changes will be emotionally hard to bare at first, but over time your hormones will adjust and maintain at normal levels. This would explain why, in opiate withdrawal, it is common to have a raging erection, coupled with a shorter refractory period.
I think since you have recently quit using heroin, it stands to reason that your hormones are on their way to stabilizing. Within a week or two, I think the notice will be noticeable and you'll feel a lot more like your old self.
Then again you said "occasional", meaning maybe it didn't have that great of an effect on your hormones and subsequent emotions. I'm not sure, but this is my suspicion, as many opiate/heroin users end up being aggressive/agitated while on their DOC, or while they are coming off of it.
You also say that you have always been angry; do you think it's gotten worse over time? Are you becoming increasingly angrier, or just more frequently angry?
Trust me, I'm not always gentle.