How do you deal with all these girls who have been through shit

[moonyham]

So me and my gf decided we are gonna fuck other people. We have both been kinda keen to do this for quite a few years but not enough to really give it a go until recently, where we've had more free time.

Anyway, I'm pretty good looking, so is she, and tinder is great at finding people.. Kind of? I seem to have this issue where almost every girl I talk to I feel is a bit nuts. I put that gently. Some nights I am feeling like why did I even talk to these girls, they are sucking my energy.

I'm 30. Is it an age thing? I haven't dated random girls for 7+ years. Back then, it seemed easy.. Girls didn't want to tell me how they are going to kill themselves, they get abused, they just got out of a toxic relationship, their baby daddy is crazy stalker. You name it I get this kind of stuff way, way too regularly. No matter how clearly I try and state my case, that I'm just here for casual dates/hooking up, that I already have a partner.. It just seems to get more nutcases no matter how I play it.


Anyway it's not all bad. I've met a few cool girls that seem pretty level headed. Well I think that then I'll wake up to a random text about how we cant meet again with cryptic bullshit that doesn't make sense to me. Girls that are/were keen to fuck or that we have fucked, acting like I've done some shit while I'm sleeping.

Its got to the point where I assume crazy until proven not. I'm starting to doubt my own ability to read people because it seems everyone is the flakiest up and down hard to read mother fucker, regardless of how legit they appear.

I feel like I'm pretty strait up. I don't lie. I am what I am. I don't lead anyone on. Girls usually come back for more if we do manage to meet? But this rodeo seems a bit off. Have I become out of touch? Is dating different now? Am I just having bad luck?

I thought maybe it's because most girls I match with are 25-28, so compared to the 20-23yo market I used to play with, these girls have all been through a bit more shit? But then the craziest girls I've talked to have been below this average 25-28yo range so that doesn't hold water.


I feel like I've become a magnet for girls with issues. I just want casual fun. Go bowling, get drunk, talk shit and fuck. Something like that is perfect. I don't see why it's so hard to find chill girls who can do this without freaking out after or confiding in me like I'm their psychiatrist.

Also for what it's worth my gf hasn't found guys to be like this in terms of mental instability but they are certainly flaky and hard to actually get to meet up. She's pretty hot, you'd think guys would be lining up for easy sex. And you'd think they were, looking at her tinder. But they cancel last minute, or come up with reasons to delay etc. It's weird. Im party to these convos like bro are you really turning down this fine ass? It's being handed to you! Lol

 

[VerbalTruist]

So me and my gf decided we are gonna fuck other people. We have both been kinda keen to do this for quite a few years but not enough to really give it a go until recently, where we've had more free time.

Anyway, I'm pretty good looking, so is she, and tinder is great at finding people.. Kind of? I seem to have this issue where almost every girl I talk to I feel is a bit nuts. I put that gently. Some nights I am feeling like why did I even talk to these girls, they are sucking my energy.

I'm 30. Is it an age thing? I haven't dated random girls for 7+ years. Back then, it seemed easy.. Girls didn't want to tell me how they are going to kill themselves, they get abused, they just got out of a toxic relationship, their baby daddy is crazy stalker. You name it I get this kind of stuff way, way too regularly. No matter how clearly I try and state my case, that I'm just here for casual dates/hooking up, that I already have a partner.. It just seems to get more nutcases no matter how I play it.


Anyway it's not all bad. I've met a few cool girls that seem pretty level headed. Well I think that then I'll wake up to a random text about how we cant meet again with cryptic bullshit that doesn't make sense to me. Girls that are/were keen to fuck or that we have fucked, acting like I've done some shit while I'm sleeping.

Its got to the point where I assume crazy until proven not. I'm starting to doubt my own ability to read people because it seems everyone is the flakiest up and down hard to read mother fucker, regardless of how legit they appear.

I feel like I'm pretty strait up. I don't lie. I am what I am. I don't lead anyone on. Girls usually come back for more if we do manage to meet? But this rodeo seems a bit off. Have I become out of touch? Is dating different now? Am I just having bad luck?

I thought maybe it's because most girls I match with are 25-28, so compared to the 20-23yo market I used to play with, these girls have all been through a bit more shit? But then the craziest girls I've talked to have been below this average 25-28yo range so that doesn't hold water.


I feel like I've become a magnet for girls with issues. I just want casual fun. Go bowling, get drunk, talk shit and fuck. Something like that is perfect. I don't see why it's so hard to find chill girls who can do this without freaking out after or confiding in me like I'm their psychiatrist.

Also for what it's worth my gf hasn't found guys to be like this in terms of mental instability but they are certainly flaky and hard to actually get to meet up. She's pretty hot, you'd think guys would be lining up for easy sex. And you'd think they were, looking at her tinder. But they cancel last minute, or come up with reasons to delay etc. It's weird. Im party to these convos like bro are you really turning down this fine ass? It's being handed to you! Lol

Do you guys disclose that you’re in an open relationship? I know that I got really close to sleeping with two women when I was dating who were in one, but as soon as they told me I thought “Nah, fuck that don’t want the drama.”

 

[moonyham]

Do you guys disclose that you’re in an open relationship? I know that I got really close to sleeping with two women when I was dating who were in one, but as soon as they told me I thought “Nah, fuck that don’t want the drama.”

We've both tried telling people and not telling people. Doesn't seem to be much difference when I think about it. For me at least, the girls that know I've got a girl have been the least flaky.

We both considered that this might have been the issue hence experimenting with that.

 

[Atomic_Decay]

Perhaps it is something in your overall style that these girls find helpful/desirable/comfortable/consoling…whatever it is that they end up trying to latch onto for longer than you are comfortable with?

Maybe you don’t realise it, and perhaps you are giving these girls something more than a good fuck that you yourself are unaware of?

I’d see this as a good thing myself although I get why the whole situation is becoming a drag for you. Perhaps you give off more care/concern/compassion/understanding vibes than you are aware of?

I really have no idea given we sadly don’t have a video replay… (do we?)… but maybe worth thinking about?

 

[hylite]

Maybe enroll in a University. Maybe different environments. Other than that I don't know. You can settle for marriage too. Luck. At least you have some experience ?

 

[moonyham]

Perhaps it is something in your overall style that these girls find helpful/desirable/comfortable/consoling…whatever it is that they end up trying to latch onto for longer than you are comfortable with?

Maybe you don’t realise it, and perhaps you are giving these girls something more than a good fuck that you yourself are unaware of?

I’d see this as a good thing myself although I get why the whole situation is becoming a drag for you. Perhaps you give off more care/concern/compassion/understanding vibes than you are aware of?

I really have no idea given we sadly don’t have a video replay… (do we?)… but maybe worth thinking about?

That's the conclusion my girlfriend has come to. And I want it to not be true, hoping someone here might give me an ahah moment that it isn't what you describe.

A lot of my life has involved me being a solid, secure, trustworthy guy for women around me. I ended up working at a strip club even(and the girls all loved me, which actually made the job even harder). For whatever reason, yeah.. Girls open up to me. Almost always more than I'd actually like.

I don't want to be that guy. As good as it may feel or seem. I mean it could be a worse hand to be dealt but damn, this is frustrating. It's not conducive to getting laid!

 

[hylite]

I don't want to be that guy. As good as it may feel or seem. I mean it could be a worse hand to be dealt but damn, this is frustrating. It's not conducive to getting laid!

Tell them that you don't like drama and it makes you break out in hives and itch. Lolol.

 

[moonyham]

Tell them that you don't like drama and it makes you break out in hives and itch. Lolol.

Hahaha if it only it was that easy.

Unfortunately drama is rarely presented in such a way that pulling that line would ever be appropriate or work as intended.

 

[VerbalTruist]

I’m curious what led you and your girlfriend to decide that fucking other people was a good idea in the first place.

 

[Atomic_Decay]

That's the conclusion my girlfriend has come to. And I want it to not be true, hoping someone here might give me an ahah moment that it isn't what you describe.

A lot of my life has involved me being a solid, secure, trustworthy guy for women around me. I ended up working at a strip club even(and the girls all loved me, which actually made the job even harder). For whatever reason, yeah.. Girls open up to me. Almost always more than I'd actually like.

I don't want to be that guy. As good as it may feel or seem. I mean it could be a worse hand to be dealt but damn, this is frustrating. It's not conducive to getting laid!

Maybe a steady stream of new girls to fuck is not gonna happen without too many morphing into this problem type of girl. In my case, I’d dump the gf at this point and cultivate 3 or 4 of the most enjoyable girls you have met in this process as semi-regular rotating FWB/Fuck buddies. But that’s because I find a reasonable level of friendship adds much to sex with anyone. Many men disagree with this though. I recently went through a mad phase and fucked maybe 30 different women over a few months. Many repeatedly. Many were insane. A couple were evil and insane. But in the end, even though there was no reason to stop the party I ended up staying connected and wanting to be with only 3. One of whom will not fuck me anymore anyway. Cultivating quality ended up feeling much more rewarding than eating everything I could lay my hands on.

 

[jasperkent]

I'm a gentle and empathetic guy. I've always tended to attract women who've been abused in the past but are sick of that shit and see me as a safe alternative to what they've been through before.

A couple of times that has worked out fine. But often they are so damaged that the baggage gets in the way of everything.

 

[moonyham]

I’m curious what led you and your girlfriend to decide that fucking other people was a good idea in the first place.

Well, I've fucked a lot of girls before we met. I always enjoyed variation. She had only fucked me and her ex, so has always felt she missed out on screwing around and trying some different flavors.

We both moved recently to a new city. Minimal friends/social network, more free time and our sex life really exploded after we starting taking acid together a few months ago. Coupled with the realization we are very much happy if each other are happy, we decided we'd finally do what we had mentioned here and there through our relationship.

I know I won't get the same kind of sex as I do with her, with other girls. But that's not really what I want. Just 'difference'.

 

[moonyham]

Maybe a steady stream of new girls to fuck is not gonna happen without too many morphing into this problem type of girl. In my case, I’d dump the gf at this point and cultivate 3 or 4 of the most enjoyable girls you have met in this process as semi-regular rotating FWB/Fuck buddies. But that’s because I find a reasonable level of friendship adds much to sex with anyone. Many men disagree with this though. I recently went through a mad phase and fucked maybe 30 different women over a few months. Many repeatedly. Many were insane. A couple were evil and insane. But in the end, even though there was no reason to stop the party I ended up staying connected and wanting to be with only 3. One of whom will not fuck me anymore anyway. Cultivating quality ended up feeling much more rewarding than eating everything I could lay my hands on.

Yeah it is seeming like a byproduct of the process at this point. The last girl I talked to tonight, keeping in mind to not be too funny/nice/good, strait up told me I'm too negative lol so I've definitely gone too far into dick head territory, which felt gross anyway so that's OK. I can't be fake. I don't have a dial. It's just me, or it comes across as very hard to believe. I'm not good at lying.

I definitely am not ditching the gf haha it's a life long partner deal for sure. I don't think that would even help me in this situation anyway. Maybe just by virtue of not having a back stop to fall back on, I'd try harder or get more creative to get what I want.

I'm gonna really think about your comment. I think you've got something there. I need to absorb it.

 

[Atomic_Decay]

Well, I've fucked a lot of girls before we met. I always enjoyed variation. She had only fucked me and her ex, so has always felt she missed out on screwing around and trying some different flavors.

We both moved recently to a new city. Minimal friends/social network, more free time and our sex life really exploded after we starting taking acid together a few months ago. Coupled with the realization we are very much happy if each other are happy, we decided we'd finally do what we had mentioned here and there through our relationship.

I know I won't get the same kind of sex as I do with her, with other girls. But that's not really what I want. Just 'difference'.

It’s a shame you are in the US. Here in my city you could hit any one of a dozen legal brothels and for $150 have a solid hour of as much difference as you needed to scratch that itch for a while. And, generally speaking, the ladies will forget you when the hour is up. And you switch venues and ladies each time you need to scratch you’ll never have the kind of problem you laid out in your original post.

 

[moonyham]

I'm a gentle and empathetic guy. I've always tended to attract women who've been abused in the past but are sick of that shit and see me as a safe alternative to what they've been through before.

A couple of times that has worked out fine. But often they are so damaged that the baggage gets in the way of everything

I don't know if I'd describe myself as gentle but I'm very empathetic. I save drowning moths in the shower ffs I don't know how to work on this.

It’s a shame you are in the US. Here in my city you cold hit any one of a dozen legal brothels and for $150 have a solid hour of as much difference as you needed to scratch that itch for a while. And, generally speaking, the ladies will forget you when the hour is up. And you switch venues and ladies each time you need to scratch you’ll never have the kind of problem you laid out in your original post.

Oh in nz we have full legalized prostitution. And money isn't an issue for me. It's just not what I want. Working girls.. I've been around them a lot as a manager. Just not my thing.

 

[jasperkent]

It’s a shame you are in the US. Here in my city you could hit any one of a dozen legal brothels and for $150 have a solid hour of as much difference as you needed to scratch that itch for a while. And, generally speaking, the ladies will forget you when the hour is up. And you switch venues and ladies each time you need to scratch you’ll never have the kind of problem you laid out in your original post.

When you use the expression "scratch that itch" when talking about prostitution, it doesn't paint a pretty picture.

 

[jasperkent]

I save drowning moths in the shower ffs I don't know how to work on this.

No need to work on that. It's pretty cool of you.

 

[VerbalTruist]

Well, I've fucked a lot of girls before we met. I always enjoyed variation. She had only fucked me and her ex, so has always felt she missed out on screwing around and trying some different flavors.

We both moved recently to a new city. Minimal friends/social network, more free time and our sex life really exploded after we starting taking acid together a few months ago. Coupled with the realization we are very much happy if each other are happy, we decided we'd finally do what we had mentioned here and there through our relationship.

I know I won't get the same kind of sex as I do with her, with other girls. But that's not really what I want. Just 'difference'.

How long have you two been together? I know that I used the “Let’s fuck other people.” As a preamble to getting out of a relationship in the past. Just curious if it’s that or something else.

 

[moonyham]

No need to work on that. It's pretty cool of you.

I got too much cool in me it seems, this is the problem. I need to be less cool!

How long have you two been together? I know that I used the “Let’s fuck other people.” As a preamble to getting out of a relationship in the past. Just curious if it’s that or something else.

8 years. Definitely not anything like that. We've always agreed it would be a waste of life to not go fuck other people at some point. We just hadn't got around to it/stars weren't really aligned.

This experience has really solidified what we already knew, which is we have the best thing ever and no one could come close.

 

[negrogesic]

Many were insane. A couple were evil and insane.

That's got a nice bukowsi-esque ring to it.