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How do I make this long-distance relationship work?

pirate24

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 21, 2009
Messages
90
I'm currently involved in a long-distance relationship with a girl in the Philippines. We've been together just over 2 years now. I lived there for a few years with my Dad while studying by distance (my university's in Australia). I'm back in Aus and now that I've graduated (Law) I have no idea what I'm going to do. I can't work over there as a lawyer because you need to be a Filipino national but what about other fields? How can I make this work? I don't know how long the relationship is going to last but if it fails I want it to be on its own terms, not because of this.
 
Immature love says "I love you because I need you". Mature love says "I need you because I love you".

I hope my interpretation and paraphrasing of an Erich Fromm quote helps your situation.

Good luck.
 
Get her a fiance visa and have her ass get over to Aus would be the easy option.

Or just fly over once or twice a month. It's only a three hour flight and cheap as chips. Cheaper than going out in Perth for a good weekend anyhow.

Or you just end it and find another girlfriend.

That's about it.
 
Get her a fiance visa and have her ass get over to Aus would be the easy option.

Or just fly over once or twice a month. It's only a three hour flight and cheap as chips. Cheaper than going out in Perth for a good weekend anyhow.

Or you just end it and find another girlfriend.

That's about it.
Yeah ... you need a long-term plan. And, in the meantime, visit often.
 
@jude: I'm in Melbourne so actually it's more like an 8 hour flight, so it's not like I can just fly over for the weekend.

She doesn't want to move here and I can't say I blame her - there's nothing for her here. I was already living there for a few years so if one of us is going to move, it has to me because I WANT to live there.
 
If you want to live there, time to man up and make it happen.

If you really love each other, you can make it happen even if there's a sacrifice. Usually in an LDR, one person is able to move.
 
Would you be able to be a lawyer if you became a Filipino citizen? If not, maybe you'd be able to teach at a university.
 
Also, if you do decide to move-
Talk with her about it, and make sure it's really what she wants to.

I wouldn't suggest this if she wasn't the sole reason for you moving there...
But because it is the reason, it would really suck if you come to find out that she really isn't that into the idea...

I don't mean anything by that....

But in long distance relationships, I think they work well sometimes because you don't have to deal with the day-to-day drama that ultimately suffocates relationships. It's easy for 2 people who are in love, living apart to constantly say, I wish you were here.... I miss you so much, I can't stand to be away from you.... until it actually happens. And then they find out that their 2 worlds completely change, and can be hard to deal with.

I guess all I'm saying is: if you are going to relocate for this relationship- make sure you are both ready to advance from the status of long distance relationship. You have not mentioned in either of your posts what her take on you moving there is.....
 
He said he wanted to live there, so he could even live in his own separate apartment for a time since I suppose it's safe to assume she has her own place already.
 
He did say that he wanted to live there... true... but is it safe to say that the only reason he wants to live there is because this girl is there? (I mean.... he can't even get a job in his field..........)

If this girl was not in the picture.... would this be a place that you could ultimately see yourself happy? Look to find the truth in that answer first. You cannot be naïve to say "girl is there, girl makes me happy, so I can/will be happy". Because once the excitement of starting a new beginning gets old, you may find yourself unsatisfied because you cannot fulfill the type of work you like, all of your friends and family are an eight hour flight away, and you may come to find that a place you lived, and liked at the time, is not the same as it used to be. I don't want to object to the idea of you moving- but you must look ahead to all of the options, good and bad, that can occur so you won't be blindsided when you ultimately face these problems head on in the future.
What if you moved, and it didn't work out? Would it be so easy to just hop a flight and go back home, or would you stay there and live out life...? Think. Think. Think.
 
Yeah, I'm a little jaded and prejudice in this area, so idk.

Personally, unless the guy had something holding him where he was, I'd question why he wouldn't move. She doesn't want to live in Aus. That's totally understandable, so then her personal dislike for Aus is more important than being with him. That would speak volumes for me.
 
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