• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

How do I make my partner understand what I'm going through.

A

annachronism

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 20, 2014
Messages
65
I know it sounds silly like that should be the least of my concern right now but I'm in the middle of acute withdrawls from Vicodin, tramadol and massive amounts of kratom. And my boyfriend when he comes home from work and sees me on the same place on the couch moaning and unshowered with the apartment a fucking mess sending my 4 year old to his room because I just can't stand to be bothered even slightly...I know he's looking at me like me and my behavior are just unconscionable. Probably because they are but it's taken every ounce of strength to just get through the day without using something to take it all away and the guilt is already immeasurable. Obviously no one can control what someone else's perception is but I just feel like if I could make him understand that this isn't necessarily something I chose I could handle everything better. How do you make someone be supportive?
 
If he's never had to withdrawal from opiates, I can see why he doesn't get it. You can't make someone be more supportive but you can try to explain what you are feeling. Have you been through this before and do you have a plan so you don't relapse?

Just know that there are things you can do for yourself to ease your symptoms, like taking loperamide for a few days. Perhaps your boyfriend would be willing to buy some from the store for you. I just saw your other thread so eating healthy will help and even if you are not hungry make yourself drink water. The worst for me was leg cramps and the bananas might help with that.
 
Last edited:
He is adopting a no pills for you attitude even nyquil and Benadryl....as far as he is concerned it's you got yourself into this now get yourself out...it's all a matter of strength of will. Which is true to a certain extent I suppose but my addict mind creates so many dimensions. I was sober for three years before this and the last time required a long stay in rehab and the support of friends and family. This time I don't have the support system or the financial respources for rehab. My plan so far is alot of honesty with self, reading and communicating with as many people as possible who I feel get what I'm going through. The weird thing is after rehab and alot of exposure to n.a a.a etc I have this stupid feeling that I have all the resources and knowledge available it's just a matter of utilizing it. Like I understand exactly wha is going on I just have no control over it
 
Hey annachronism. Having been on the other side (your boyfriend's side) of the situation I can tell you that it is often confusing to know how to be supportive, especially if you have not been addicted yourself. Education is good. Maybe he would benefit from al-anon. I did. Al-anon helps a person deal with the anger and resentment as well as all the fear that comes up from wanting to control a situation you cannot control. I guess what I am saying is that I hope he can become more sensitive to your situation but I would also encourage you to be sensitive to his.

Bottom line is that you need to do this for yourself and know in your heart that what you are doing is way more important than a clean apartment. I am wondering what kind of support you have for caring for a four year old during withdrawals, though? Is there anyone around that you consider safe to watch him for a few hours, maybe take him on a fun outing or even just sit and color with him?
 
I wish there was an easy way to get through this but at least this time you know what to expect. Do you think you might benefit from going back to meetings? You're making the best decision coming off these pills. You mentioned tramadol and those are tricky. Did you taper off or suddenly quit them?
 
I came off of buprenorphine and laid on the couch/bed for weeks. It's normal. You can and will get through this.

It's hard for someone who hasn't gone through it to know what you're going through, impossible to relate, some might say.

Just let him know that your body is physically in pain and your mind is in a horrible state due to the withdrawal and the real you will be back in time. :)
 
I know it almost sounds silly but just those few posts have given me some strength to keep going after an exhausting day. Capt. H I literally texted what you said verbatim to the old man. And herbavore I guess my self centered addict head never considered it that way I just assumed being the one in pain I was the one entitled to understanding and special treatment. As far as my kid I've had my poor baby dealing with being ushered to his room and told to be quiet every 2 seconds, glued to the tv etc for the first few days as my financial situation is pretty hand to the mouth today I had to go to work so I could justify paying the babysitter so he got some playtime and some of his routine back. Depending on how I feel tomorrow I'm seriously considering taking him to a trusted friend for the weekend.

T Cald. I'm pretty much convinced going to meetings isn't even an option now...I'm going to need to be around people that talk me through the PAWS. I just have a hard time with the social aspect like I would go for months and not say a word because I'm scared to sound stupid and not make sense. And then sometimes I feel like I'm hearing the same thing over and over again.
 
I'm glad you shared that with him.

I would hope it would be self apparent, a priori type knowledge that no one would willingly just lay there writhing in agony if they didn't legitimately feel awful, you know?

The whole time I was in acute withdrawal I wanted more than anything just to be able to not writhe around and do nothing. But I knew I had to pass through the course of withdrawal to get back to being better.

It's 71 days for me (I was dependent on buprenorphine for 4 years, prior to that was using heroin for about 9 months), so everyone has a unique path to their recovery. Just don't give up hope, and know that this will get better over time.
 
I think the stigma still especially amongst those who were privileged enough to have an upbringing completely outside of the drug culture. That stigma can be powerful even when it's someone you love. Whether he says it or even knows it or not I know he is harboring some amount of disgust for me right now
 
yeah,that's a tough one.
i agree that this passes the time in a more positive manner.
coming off opiates without real life support……

I'm currently only on subs and weed.
no psych meds.
i've got the crazies too.
with anti-support from those i used to talk to.
it's hard but time will probably help as u get more days clean etc.

the people on here are just great.
 
People who don't understand addiction see love for family and love for drugs as mutually-exclusive. If you love your family, you won't use drugs. If you use drugs, you must not love your family. Obviously this is total garbage, but you pretty much have to go through it to understand. You feel guilt because you hurt people that you care for. And guilt keeps the cycle of use going.

This is tough, as it's pretty much impossible to play a character for someone else's benefit while in acute withdrawal. Do you have the finances to hire a babysitter and get away from a few days? Get a hotel in another city and ride out the acute withdrawal without any emotional distractions at all? Tell your partner that it's for the self-preservation of your family. But obviously only do this if you are truly ready to quit.
 
Hey Annachronism, (cool handle, btw!), how's it going? I have BTDT with a husband who just didn't ever get how awful opiate withdrawals are. When I got myself clean, (cold turkey, no help, not even a couple benzos so I could get some sleep), I was on my own. At the best of times, he was not a supportive person, so when I was going trough the withdrawal, acted like it was just a matter of my "willpower" to quit the opiates. (Of course, it was a different story with his drinking. Quitting was just to haaaard.) 8) Also, my own child was older when I became addicted, and I cant imagine trying to take proper care of a little one while in w/d. (Just think what a new, improved mom your little guy will have once this is over! Just one of many life enhancing benefits, but a major one!)

It's probably a good idea either to send your child elsewhere for a few days, such as a grandparent if you have family nearby and willing, or for you yourself to go somewhere you can either be alone or with someone with some compassion, and more importantly, some understanding of the process of opiate withdrawal. Do you have any friends you could crash with for a few days? When I did my CT withdrawal, I had just moved a thousand miles from anyone and everyone I knew, so I basically holed up in my room with my laptop for a couple weeks, and thankfully had a nanny who helped take care of my kid. (He was 11 then.) You just really need time alone, peace and quiet, and if you are to be around anyone, it should be someone who "gets it."

In the meantime, I can't recommend loperamide highly enough. A largeish dose really will help with the symptoms, and I also always recommend chamomile tea to help a little with relaxation and even sleep. It's not much, but it helps somewhat. You will still feel like ten miles of bad road, but these remedies do help enough that you might be able to get through this with a little less discomfort.

You can do this, and once it's over, you are going to feel so good about yourself, and you won't be shackled to the pharmie slave chains. In my case, I was amazed, once I was past the worst, to contemplate just how much time, energy, money, planning, and thought had gone to my addiction.

If you need a listening ear, shoot me a message. It was about six and a half years ago I went through what you are dealing with, and it's still quite fresh in my mind. I am sending prayers and the best of wishes your way.


XO Justine
 
yeah,again ,the above posters have it right.
u can pm me too as long as it's only for support and no 'where can i get this?".

i know what u='re going through.sorry,typing w one hand,so nervous.

stay w us.
 
RedLeader said:
People who don't understand addiction see love for family and love for drugs as mutually-exclusive. If you love your family, you won't use drugs. If you use drugs, you must not love your family. Obviously this is total garbage, but you pretty much have to go through it to understand. You feel guilt because you hurt people that you care for. And guilt keeps the cycle of use going.

This is tough, as it's pretty much impossible to play a character for someone else's benefit while in acute withdrawal. Do you have the finances to hire a babysitter and get away from a few days? Get a hotel in another city and ride out the acute withdrawal without any emotional distractions at all? Tell your partner that it's for the self-preservation of your family. But obviously only do this if you are truly ready to quit.
Click to expand...

This is an A+ answer from Redleader. Most people do not understand addiction and it is sad that for the most part, family members torment their daughters/sons because of the addiction and see it as something that is very humiliating not even trying to understand what the person is going through. I think I am quite lucky that my family specially my father supported me to get through it. I agree with Redleader that if you have the finances to hire a babysitter and get away from a few days do it or up until the withdrawal passes.
 
annachronism said:
I know it sounds silly like that should be the least of my concern right now but I'm in the middle of acute withdrawls from Vicodin, tramadol and massive amounts of kratom. And my boyfriend when he comes home from work and sees me on the same place on the couch moaning and unshowered with the apartment a fucking mess sending my 4 year old to his room because I just can't stand to be bothered even slightly...I know he's looking at me like me and my behavior are just unconscionable. Probably because they are but it's taken every ounce of strength to just get through the day without using something to take it all away and the guilt is already immeasurable. Obviously no one can control what someone else's perception is but I just feel like if I could make him understand that this isn't necessarily something I chose I could handle everything better. How do you make someone be supportive?
Click to expand...

I know it's difficult but try to think of the positive. You are trying to quit these substances. You could very well give up but you are not. It is very easy to think that people are thinking bad of us, I am guilty of this myself. But he may not be thinking the way you are thinking that he is. Have you thought of having a talk with him about this? You may be surprised. In the meantime, concentrate on getting through this. You will get through it even though you may not think you will at the moment. Just think you are doing this for a better life for you and for your child.

All the best and please keep typing for support,
Evey xxxx

PS: RedLeader has hit on a good point. If you can get some sort of child care please do so. I remember going through withdrawal and I'd cry my eyes out and feel extremely guilty because my child would be there - as well as I'd be lying on the couch and not be able to spent any doing with her, doing things like going to the park. However, think of it as a temporary moment in time and all the time you'll be able to spend with your child afterwards. It is difficult for loved ones to understand an addiction having not experienced it. Before I had my addiction I was being judgemental of addicts. Hang in there. You'll get through this.
 
Wow you are brave to post this (props)

So you say that you have a four year old and you just send him away to his room?, While you indulge yourself into self medicating? Did I read that right?

You should motivate yourself more, Maybe make a list of what you should do and include fun things in that list and post it somewhere where you can see it everyday

As far as you narcotic addiction I recommend therapy and depending on how much you use possibly Suboxone..
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top