I dunno now actually. I really thought Wellbutrin+Lamictal was working but now I'm heading straight back to square one. Falling into a bad depressive episode, feels so familiar, almost like I'm home. I don't know what in particular triggered it, could've been a combination of a lot of things. I'm at the maximum dose of Wellbutrin and it's like I'm not even on anything, I'm just a little more agitated and a little less tired, everything else is almost as bad is it ever was. I came into work absolutely wasted and almost got caught. Can't count how many times I said "nah, nah I'm good, just a little tired hehe". They let me off early and said "You did really good today, you can go home, you earned it" which was really weird. I have no idea what it was... I must've really obviously looked like I wanted to kill myself, which is mortifying. A lot of people there already don't like me for obvious reasons, right off the bat. So to come in like that, makes things even more awkward.
Like I said, the Wellbutrin is as high as it can go, idk how much higher I can raise Lamictal to. I do not want to go through switching mood stabilizers, and all SSRIs are off the table, so I figure I'll ask about any adjunct medications I can add that aren't antipsychotics, because I'm not quite bad enough that those seem like a preferable option.
idk what that would be though
Really fucking disappointed that this happened. I really considered checking myself into in-patient today, but I don't think I'm to the point where there's legitimately a cause for concern, which I suppose is good. I almost wish that didn't have people in my life who cared about me, would make the choice a lot easier. But as it stands, I do and I can't do it to them.
I think in general though, in a very broad sense, I'm still getting better overall, despite this setback
Got to always keep looking forward though. Like I said earlier, meds are a tricky thing to get right.